


Never Say Never

by Annjul



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, There is singing, a bit angsty at first, family theme, ignores s5 and s6, melodramatic af, not brittany friendly, probably a bit OOC, quinntana, set after S4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 00:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 49,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7458886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annjul/pseuds/Annjul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You never know what you have until it's gone. Quinn learns that it takes a tragedy to realize how important the person is. When she does, she swears to never let go again. No matter how dark the clouds on the horizon are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Summer Is Over

**Author's Note:**

> Another my work moved from ff.net. Wrote it 2.5 years ago, completed. Set between s4 and s5, mostly in summer.  
> Very Quinn-centric. Probably a bit OOC.  
> Inspired by songs and there is singing, duh.  
> Names and appearance of some characters DO NOT fit canon.  
> Dialogues are meh because it was my first more serious writing, so you have to bear my style.  
> I am not familiar with college schedules in U.S., so I assumed that academic year ends in June, just like in Europe. Additionally, I am no expert in medical terminology.
> 
> It is what it is, I was in a sad mood.
> 
> Warning for injuries and hospitals.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** I do not own Glee.

________________________________________

"I'm exhausted." Rachel said, plopping down on the coach with a loud thud. "It's almost holidays, how can they torture us like that just before the break?" She asked no one in particular, resting her head on a pillow.

"After all those months you are expected to adjust. Don't tell me you are getting soft now." Kurt spoke, his voice coming from the distance.

"No, but all those auditions and exercises at NYADA day by day are wearing me out. Honestly, I can't wait to have a little vacation."

"I hear you. I'm jumping between my own classes and the Vogue, I feel like I will have to make a choice, sooner or later." He emerged from the kitchen and placed a cup of tea in front of Rachel.

It was a late May evening in Bushwick apartment. The pair just returned home after a long day and decided to stay for the night indoors, both of them too tired to go anywhere. Kurt was searching through the collection of movies with a happy expression.

"Luckily for me, as soon as I'm done with New York business I'm off to Lima to spend the summer with Blaine." He almost shrieked excitedly at the thought. Rachel smiled.

"You do not plan to stay there for the entire time, I take it?" 

Kurt looked back at her, clearly horrified. "Of course not! Only for a week or two, then we go back here. I have a job and Blaine wanted to take a look around NYADA. What about you?" 

The brunette furrowed her brows in contemplation. "I will visit my fathers, that's for sure. However, I do not intend to stay longer as well. My involvement with upcoming auditions won't let me. And I don't know where I stand with Finn, so…" she broke off, looking down at the floor. Kurt remained silent and went back to examining the boxes.

"For the love of mother nature! Did Santana go through our movies again? Everything is mixed up!" He exploded all of a sudden, showing Rachel the disarrayed cases. She shrugged, sipping on her tea.

"Probably. It's not like she hasn't done that before. I must say that I'm impressed she hasn't thrown the musicals away yet." She paused abruptly, eyeing Kurt worryingly. "She hasn't, right?"

"She did try after mine 29th rerun of 'The Phantom of the Opera'. I managed to buy her off with a Prada gift voucher." He answered, inserting a DVD and settling down in the armchair. Rachel visibly exhaled.

"Thank God. Where is she, by the way? I rarely see her these days." 

Kurt gave her a pointed look. "Where Santana can be at this hour? Working, obviously. She said not to wait for her." 

The diva made a wry face and shook her head. "I can't believe she still goes there. I told her countless times to quit! Not only it is beneath her, but the district is horrific. I'm shivering at the sole idea of going there."

"The local itself is not so bad. Yet, I tried to change her mind too. She remarked: 'I needs me some cash if I wanna stay here. Not everyone goes to fancy colleges like you princesses do.' Her exact words." Kurt raised eyebrows nonchalantly, playing with the remote control. Rachel sighed.

"She can work elsewhere. She can do anything. I find it sad that Santana doesn't believe in herself, despite her perky attitude."

"Maybe she needs more time. At least she took some classes. She will be fine, whatever she decides." Kurt replied, glancing at the TV screen. The girl settled on her knees and stared into space, deep in thought.

"Speaking of Santana, have you noticed something different about her?" She asked, scrunching up her eyes a bit.

"What do you mean?" He frowned. Rachel leant forward with curiosity.

"Since past few months she is not acting like her usual self. She still has her way with words if angered, makes faces when I sing, and messes around, but other than that, she is actually pleasant to live with. I am not insulted on the daily basis anymore, she even stopped criticizing my wardrobe!" The brunette exclaimed, evident astonishment in her voice. 

"What's more, I caught her few times addressing me by my actual name, Kurt. My. Name." She punctuated, looking straight at her roommate.

"Is that so strange? After all, she is our friend. Kind of." He added, nodding to himself. Seeing Rachel's wary look, he continued. "You are overreacting. She's been living here for some time now, there is a chance she got used to us."

"I tell you, this is something else. All those smiles, chuckles, looks? I have never seen her in such high spirits. Not since the break-up, anyway." The girl paced around the room.

Kurt seemed to be completely engrossed in what was happening in the movie, sipping from his cup. Rachel's face remained focused, she glanced at him with deliberation.

"Is she… is she meeting anyone?" she asked after a while, but he continued staring at the screen. The brunette's jaw dropped in realization. "OH MY GOD! She is!" She screeched, her eyes popping with shock. "And you knew!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kurt responded, ignoring her pointed finger. "Please stop yelling, I can't hear the TV." 

Rachel, however, didn't move an inch and crossed her arms on the chest, waiting for him to spill the information.

"I know that you know, and I'm not leaving until you tell me everything. How come you did not inform me about this?" 

He sighed and faced her with a bored expression. "First of all, I don't know if Santana actually dates anyone. Lesbian melodrama is not my field of concentration. Secondly, even if she did, how would I know? I highly doubt that I would be her first person of choice when it comes to relationship gossip. Lastly, why are you so certain she does? Do you have any proof? I haven't seen any unfamiliar girl wandering about the apartment, have you? In fact, she never brought here anyone." Kurt declared, irritation written all over his face. Rachel appeared to be unaffected.

"The fact that she hasn't brought any girl yet doesn't mean she is not dating."

"Rach, please… just drop it. It's not our business anyhow. Why you are so concerned is beyond me." He returned to watching the movie. The brunette composed herself, although her brown eyes stayed unsatisfied.

"Just to remind you, Santana frequently interfered in my love life, thus I owe her the same behavior. What if she's dating some promiscuous… cold-hearted… thief. Or worse! A crude scientist!" Rachel proclaimed emotionally while Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"Do you hear yourself? You were pretty annoyed when Santana tried to expose Brody, and now you are the one acting like a psycho."

"It is all well-intentioned. I am a good friend, like she was, and I want her to refrain from making my mistakes. What's wrong with that?" She questioned innocently and sat down.

"Please, you are just being terribly inquisitive. If she really dated someone, she would have told us. She loves gloating."

"Nevermind. I know that something's up. I will ask around, maybe other people are more observant that you are," She said, disregarding the Kurt's evil eye. "I need to text Quinn, she will surely know. They seem to be on better terms lately, how nice of them to rekindle their friendship." 

Kurt practically started chocking from laughter, attempting to not let any sound slip from his clenched lips.

"Please do. And call me when you will. I have to see her reply." He muttered and reached for the snacks, passing some to Rachel.

________________________________________

They were in the middle of the heated conversation about the actors' skills when the phone rang. Kurt looked at his cellphone confused, and after hushing Rachel he answered it with careful voice.

"Hello? … Yes, this is he… I-WHAT?!" He stood up abruptly, terror evident on his face. Rachel gave him a questioning look. "Y-yes… She's w-with me… of course… we will be there in twenty minutes… thank you…" 

Kurt hung up. He was pale as a ghost, and stared blankly at the brunette, his mouth half-open with no words coming out. The apartment went silent.

"Kurt? Who was that?" she asked concerned, seeing how anxious her friend looked.

"Some hospital employee… he was very vague. H-he said… San-tana had some kind of accident. She's in the ICU." He stuttered out, massaging his temple.

"What?! What happened?!" Rachel cried out, standing up as well.

"I don't know. Apparently, she made us her ICE contacts." He replied, putting on the jacket.

"That makes sense, we are the only ones she has in this city. How l-long has she been there?"

"I don't know."

"Is she okay?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" He raised his voice in anguish. "People who are okay are not in the damn ICU, Rachel." The brunette flinched. "Let's grab our stuff and go. The hospital is not far away." Kurt whispered, throwing apologetic look in her direction.

________________________________________

The ride to the hospital was a quick one. The duo was silent the entire time, Kurt stared into the distance as Rachel tried to steady her shaking hands. They hastened to the right floor and went straight to the reception. A young male paramedic stopped them.

"Hello, how can I help you?" He asked, looking between them.

"Hi. I'm Kurt Hummel and this is Rachel Berry. We were informed that Santana Lopez was taken to this department. We are her friends." Kurt responded in one breath, holding tightly Rachel's hand.

"Ah yes, I am the one who contacted you, Mr. Hummel. Currently you can't speak with the chief physician as he is operating, and I am not allowed or that well-informed to speak about the state of the patient."

"Where is she? Please, tell us what's going on," The brunette pleaded. "We don't know anything." 

The man knitted his brows and looked somewhere behind them.

"Mrs. Lopez is currently having a surgery. When she got here, her condition was critical. The main injury is believed to be a deep knife wound. She lost a lot of blood." The pair went white. 

"It would be best if you talked with the man over there, he was the one who reported the accident." The paramedic pointed ahead of him, at the group of three people. "All you can do now is to wait for the operation to be over. I wish I could help. I'm sorry." He gave them a sad look and left.

"I n-need to sit down." Rachel murmured, grasping Kurt's hand harder.

"We can sit in a minute, okay? Let's talk with that guy, maybe he knows what really happened." He reassured the girl, looking at the people in the hall.

There was the said man sitting on the bench, not much older than them. His face was buried in hands, his head with dark disarrayed hair hung low. Next to him stood a nurse and a police officer, engaged in conversation. Kurt and Rachel approached them, overhearing the dialogue.

"Please sir, Mr. Johnson needs to stay for the night and rest. You can continue your Q&A another time." Spoke the nurse, putting a hand on the sitting man's shoulder.

"Yes, I understand. I just wanted to complete the report. We will stay in touch, Mr. Johnson. You were quite lucky to avoid greater harm, unlike the other victim. Poor girl, from what you've told me she's got it real bad." The middle-aged policeman answered hoarsely, putting the notebook in his pocket.

"Excuse me sir, could you tell us about the incident? The g-girl… she is our friend." Kurt uttered and the two pair of eyes landed on him. The red-haired nurse winced sadly while the officer groaned.

"This is horrific what happens on the streets, especially after dusk. The young man over here was being mugged by some thug. It seems like the girl tried to intervene and got stabbed at the hand of the escaping bandit."

"Oh my God…" Rachel breathed, and sat down shocked alongside the man who barely stammered out few words.

"It was so dark… she just appeared outta nowhere… the guy took off but she blocked him. Everything was a blur… there was blood everywhere… I tried to help her, I tried…"

Kurt stood dumbfounded while Rachel started to sob quietly.

"Shh, it's okay Matt. You did your best." The nurse caressed the shaking man's head.

"The lady is right, young man. Thanks to your quick intervention, she may survive. They will take good care of her. For now you need to take it easy, ok?" The elder man comforted him, and the nurse took Matt to one of the rooms. The officer faced the pair of friends, his face twisted with worry. 

"Sorry about your friend. What she did was really brave. Hopefully, she will see it through and we will catch the punk who did that." With one last glance at weeping Rachel he departed.

Kurt sat down beside the brunette who was panting heavily.

"Tell me… why does this k-keep happening to the people around us? Your dad, Quinn… now San-Santana." She whispered between the whimpers.

"I don't know Rach. Let's just… be positive. Maybe it's not that bad as it looks."

"Her parents need to know…"

"I am sure that the hospital already informed them. But it will take time to get here." He embraced her shoulder, looking fixedly in the space in front of him. "We should wait outside the surgical room."

They strolled down the hall in silence. Apart from them, there were a several people in the waiting area, and staff moving swiftly between the rooms. The clinic was fairly modern and clean, brightly illuminated by the cold white light reflecting on the polished floor. The entrance to the operating theater was marked by neon lamps and informative signs.

"We would use some drinks, I think." Kurt said, watching as Rachel slumped onto the seat.

"We need to contact people… let them know. I will call Quinn, she's probably the closest to Santana. And New Haven is near-at-hand…" she halted, noticeably upset and begin searching through her purse. 

The brunet looked at the red mark above the doors indicating ongoing surgery. His heavy sigh rang through the silence.

________________________________________

At Yale, Quinn Fabray was entirely preoccupied with the literature textbook. She still had some finals to pass and the last couple of nights she has been spending with her nose in the books, obsessively studying the material of her courses. She kept reassuring herself that the worst is over, and soon she would be enjoying the holidays in New York. She sighed wearily and rubbed her eyes. The only light in her area of the dorm room was coming from the table lamp, illuminating the notes scattered all over the desk.

"Blondie, you really need to leave this room from time to time." The voice of her roommate Ashley reached her ears. Quinn unwillingly turned around in the chair.

"You do realize that I need to keep my GPA high and pass all the exams to keep the scholarship, right?" She countered, raising her eyebrows. Ashley, the over-energetic petite brunette with curls, eyed her disapprovingly.

"As the rest of us poor fools! And knowing you, you will pass them all with flying colors. Girl, live up a bit! Summer is coming!" She squealed excitedly, and did a dance where she stood. The blonde shook her head, lips curled up a bit.

"I will 'live it up' when I'm done with this term. Seriously, not going anywhere this week." She stated returning to the books.

"You are no fun," The other girl pouted. "Have it your way then. I'm out for the night, I will try not to make a fuss in case you decide to sleep this time." The doors shut and Quinn was left to her reading.

Not long after, the phone's buzzing vibrations broke her from engrossment in studying. She looked at the caller's ID and her eyebrow raised in wonder. Having glanced at the watch, Quinn answered the call.

"Rachel? Shouldn't you be partying somewhere in the city at this hour?" She asked amused.

 _"Q-quinn…"_ Sobbing voice reached her from the other side of the line. The blonde momentarily tensed.

"Rach? Are you crying?" She scrunched up her eyes, listening carefully. Something was definitely wrong.

 _"I… I-don't…"_ she panted to the microphone, and Quinn felt overwhelmed with anxiety.

"Rachel, calm down and tell me what's wrong. Where are you, what happened?" She demanded, standing by the bed. The line went disturbingly silent for a moment and the blonde grew more restless. "Rachel, are you there? Please answer me."

 _"Quinn? It's Kurt."_ Another voice responded in grim tone.

"Kurt? What the hell is going on, why Rachel is crying?" She practically seethed into the phone, confusion mixed with anger.

_"She is very upset. Are you sitting? I don't have good news."_

Quinn felt her heart sink and body paralyzed.

"What happened?" She breathed softly, now unsure if she wanted to know. Kurt deeply exhaled on the other side.

 _"We are at the hospital. We're okay. I mean, me and Rachel, at least physically."_ He added quickly, before the blonde had a chance to cut in. _"But Santana…"_ He broke off and Quinn sank into bed, her mouth dropped open.

"Santana what?" She barely uttered, fear clouding her mind. "Santana what, Kurt?"

 _"Santana is having a surgery. Some robber stabbed h-her on the street. It's not good."_ He replied after a while.

Quinn was hit simultaneously by a wave of devastating emotions, rendering her speechless. With her free hand, she grabbed the sheets so firmly that her knuckles started to hurt, every muscle in her body strained, every hair standing up.

 _"Quinn? Listen, we shouldn't discuss this over the phone. I know that I'm asking too much, but… if you can, come over."_ Kurt's voice sounded almost wailing. The blonde collected herself enough to murmur a reply into the phone.

"I'm on my way."


	2. A Thousand Words

________________________________________

Quinn in no time packed the most necessary things and checked the train schedule. Fortunately, the one to New York was running in the middle of the week pretty often, even at night. The next express was leaving around 11 p.m., giving her enough time to catch it without greater haste. 

However, she did not feel like waiting idly. Every second of inactivity would lead to contemplation over what happened and it was the last thing she wanted to do. The blonde cleaned the room and left a short message to Ashley, lest the girl be worried about her absence. On her way to the doors, she took a quick glance at her reflection in the mirror. She was paler than usual, the sings of exhaustion were showing especially in the dark circles under her dull eyes. Quinn lacked the enthusiasm to fix her gold hair, deciding to just put it in low messy bun. She felt no desire to change her clothes as well, leaving the worn-out black jeans and the green top on. Having grabbed a grey cropped jacket with a light scarf, she took the bag and went to the station.

As she expected, within a minute after she boarded the train Quinn fell victim to the thoughts and emotions ravaging her from the inside. The strongest of them was panic. Absolute, overruling panic. Thousands of negative scenarios were running through her mind, bringing her to the edge of breakdown. She was not sure whether her ignorance of the situation was a good or bad thing. Most importantly, she did not wish to know. For the first time, sitting on this train gave her no joy. In the past, she was taking it with a smile on her face – at the time, the blonde felt that she was going under with every passing mile. She shut off her emotions and concentrated on staring through the train window.

________________________________________

Much to her surprise, the time passed quickly and at 1 a.m. she was already in the cab going to the hospital that Kurt texted her. The tight knot in her stomach seemed to squirm increasingly as she was moving through the clinic. She reached the proper floor and with a held breath she looked around the place, searching for any sign of her friends. They were standing by the wall, next to the one of the rooms. Both of them wore downcast expression. Rachel was the first to look up and spot Quinn, immediately rushing to hug her. The brunette's face was stained with dry tears and she trembled softly, clinging to the other girl.

"Quinn." She muttered painfully, making the blonde quiver with angst.

"Rachel… how is she?" She asked, stepping back from the embrace. Kurt approached them, obvious tiredness in his posture as well.

"She just got back from the surgery. The problem is, nobody wants to tell us anything. The personnel locked themselves up in her room and mumble all the time," He replied, giving Quinn a quick hug. "Thanks for coming."

"I couldn't be elsewhere." She felt her eyes sting. "There must be someone we can speak to. Where are Santana’s parents?"

"We learnt that they were abroad on a vacation. They won't be here at least until tomorrow. Or today, considering it's past midnight."

"Where is she?" Quinn whispered, Kurt and Rachel exchanged looks.

"The room over there. But… it doesn't look good. Very similar picture to what you went through." He pointed at the door behind him and winced, the blonde sensed her heart stop.

"I need to see her." She declared in a firm voice and moved past them, straight to the room's window.

The white doors were shut, several muffled voices and beeping noises coming behind them. Quinn stood by the wide glass, covered from the other side by the blinds which were open enough to see the interior. Her eyes instantly landed on the bed located in parallel to the entrance. She inhaled shakily, her blood going cold, and pulse quickening. 

Santana was lying motionlessly, surrounded by the staff and medical equipment. Various cords and wires were connected to her hands and chest, her mouth held the ventilator tube. She looked unimaginably fragile and Quinn thought that if not for the exceptional long, black hair framing her face, she would not recognize her. The blonde was breathless. It all looked different from this viewpoint. It was terrifying.

When Kurt and Rachel reached her, the doors unexpectedly opened, revealing a short, middle-aged woman of strong features and caramel clipped hair. Looking at her white coat and a patient record she was holding, Quinn judged that she was the main doctor. The woman paid no attention to the group outside the room, deeply engrossed in the medical file.

Quinn directly faced the woman, whose badge read ‘Mrs. D. Anderson, M.O.S.’ "Excuse me, ma'am. Are you Santana's physician? We would like to know her condition." 

She looked up at them from the report with unreadable expression. "Yes, Mrs. Lopez is currently under my care. I am sorry, but unless you are her family, the medic confidentiality prohibits me from revealing any information concerning the patient." Mrs. Anderson answered in a gentle tone, looking between the trio. 

The blonde grew exasperated and tightened her jaw. Kurt deliberately took a step back while Rachel frowned in worry.

"We are her family. Santana doesn't have anyone in this city besides us and her parents won't be here anytime soon. She is my best friend and I have every right to know her state, a critical one, from the looks of it." Quinn articulated in quiet, but steady voice. "Please." She added achingly, holding back the tears. The doctor sighed in defense and with a hand gesture invited them to sit on the bench by the opposite wall.

"I really should not be speaking about this, but given the circumstances…" She glanced at the door ajar, concern in her dark eyes. Friends waited patiently, yet Quinn's heart was furiously racing from anxiety. 

"I will be honest with you. Mrs. Lopez suffered a great injury which damaged some vital organs, causing the enormous blood loss. The knife pierced deeply her left side, fortunately missing the heart. However, her condition is very serious and she is on the life support system until it gets stabilized, as well as her weak life signs. Currently, we are debating whether to perform another surgery in order to secure the state, but her weakened health makes it a great risk."

Silence on the corridor was broken by Rachel's short withheld sobs. Kurt's face was hardened to the limits as he stared into space. Quinn once more was struck with despair. 

All of it looked like a very bad dream, the one that you can't forget after waking up. Her mind was making circles around phrases 'this is not happening' combined with 'this isn't real', echoing through her ears over and over again. The lump in the throat prevented her from breathing, her legs felt wobbly, and she did not notice the tears streaming down her cheeks until they stained the scarf.

"You will help her, right? She will be fine?" Rachel inquired almost inaudibly while Kurt leant his head on the elbows. Mrs. Anderson smiled sadly.

"We are doing what we can. Miss Lopez is under our constant watch, a whole team of people look after her. The best specialists of this division." 

Quinn did not feel comforted at all. She learnt from experience that doctors are not miracle makers.

All of a sudden, the machinery in Santana's room erupted into a loud cacophony of warning signals, getting everyone's attention. One of the paramedics in the room hurried to the wall and pressed the emergency button.

"CODE BLUE ROOM 41! I REPEAT, CODE BLUE ROOM 41!" 

The doctor cursed under her breath and rushed through the doors, commands falling from her lips.

Everything turned into a mute slow motion. Quinn stood up, her eyes fixed on the window, and unknowingly moved forward. More hospital staff passed her in haste, closing the doors, but she did not even detect them. Behind her, Kurt embraced Rachel who hid her head into his shoulder. Silence rang through her ears, although everything around was making noises. With the face inches to the glass she watched in terror as medics encircled Santana's bed and began performing ALS. She opened her mouth to scream but no sound was coming out.

Quinn didn't know how long she stood there, crying out a thousand of unspoken words, her hands hitting the transparent material desperately. She felt a pair of arms enveloping her gently from behind, nevertheless, her gaze remained locked on the facial profile she knew so well. They struck her one by one. Helplessness. Anguish. Disbelief. Fear.

People in the room regained their composure, the doctor wiped her forehead and gestured something to her assistants. They stepped back enough for Quinn to notice the intermittent activity on the electrocardiograph. She deeply exhaled.

"She's alive. She's alive." The blonde repeated breathily to her friends, as they embraced one another in a group hug. 

The hallway fell still once more, the air heavy with the irregular breaths and computer beeps, the strong artificial light stinging their eyes. Quinn angled towards the doors in attempt to pick up what was happening inside.

 _"… in this condition… we need to call Peter… no time… we have to try… other choice, if we don't… gather a group… this cannot wait… immediately."_

Different voices were murmuring on the other side and the tone of their discussion made her skin crawl. Not long after, the staff and Mrs. Anderson exited the room, her expression deadly serious. Three pairs of disturbed orbs settled on her with apprehension.

"Usually we do not allow or share information with witnesses. Given the absence of her family, I may tell you that Miss Lopez suffered a sudden cardiac arrest. We performed CPR which outcome was successful. However, the previous surgery was inefficient enough to prevent the complications. We are forced to carry out another one in order to stabilize the patient's state. Another problematic matter is her unsteady condition itself – because of it, the operation gets a status of a life-threatening one." She paused, eyeing sympathetically each person. "In such cases, we ask the closest relatives for the permission to operate. But this issue cannot be delayed and the choice is practically nonexistent. I'm really sorry to announce such news."

Quinn did not glance at her friends' faces to know that they were as painful as hers. None of them spoke a word and the blonde wondered how many times more a person can experience misfortune before breaking down completely. Rachel was holding her hand in a shaky death grip. Or was it her who was trembling? She was unsure.

"There is no point in waiting, the quicker, the better. If you excuse me, I have to make numerous preparations. You are allowed to stay, but to notify you – the surgery will possibly last the entire night." The doctor peeked through the window, frowning. "Before we begin, you may visit her. Just… in case."

They were left with a nurse who told them to take their time. She wore a pitying expression that Quinn inwardly despised and after checking the devices she left the room. They entered the area at a slow pace, and stood by the bottom side of the bed, reluctant to come closer. Nobody wished to deal with the tragedy directly, for it was agonizing.

Rachel was quietly shedding tears, Kurt fixed his eyes on the electrocardiographic signal, and Quinn was examining inch by inch Santana's body, denial thoughts whirling in her mind. She stopped at her deathlike face, feeling the shivers going down her spine. The last time she saw her, the same face was smiling at her widely, dimpled cheeks full of color, eyes bright and spirited.

Nobody said a word. Quinn understood. What can you say in that situation? How can you behave, knowing that there was a possibility of a tragic aftermath? The blonde refused to say her goodbyes. She overcame the difficulties in her past and she believed that Santana would do the same. Countless invoiced words were on the tip of her tongue, but she held them back. With a tremulous breath, she came closer and gently placed her hand on a cold one. Time stood still.

________________________________________

The medical personnel arrived and brought the brunette to the operating room. The trio watched as the doors shut, leaving them in the empty hall. Waiting was all they could do. Quinn sat down on the bench and looked at the clock on the wall.

"You should go home. There is no reason for you to stay here longer, you probably have a lot to do later. Get some sleep." She muttered faintly, holding close her bag.

"What about you? You came here basically dropping everything at Yale. How long can you stick around?" Kurt asked worryingly.

"I'm not going anywhere until Santana’s parents get here. I have a few more exams in the next week and that's all. I will return this evening or early tomorrow."

"You should rest too. Do you really want to stay the entire night?" Rachel looked at her questioningly.

"I'm positive. I'm not leaving her. Moreover, someone should be here to keep tabs on the situation and I'm more than willing to do that. Trust me." Quinn replied, feeling unpleasant dryness in the throat. "Go. I will be fine. I will let you know when to come."

They exchanged hugs and the blonde followed them with her tired eyes until Kurt and Rachel disappeared into the elevator. She exhaled heavily, only now noticing her fatigue. Her body was weary, however, her spirit was drained beyond comparison. Merely a few hours before her greatest problem was to master the History of Theater, something which presently seemed completely insignificant. 

Quinn glanced at the doors and back at the hanging watch, coming to decision that she needed food and caffeine to survive the upcoming hours. She took a stroll around the hospital, watching the people of all ages and races who were staying there. Most of them were asleep, only a few were wandering sleeplessly the hallways. The situation was different in the waiting room. There was a group of friends talking heatedly, two elders with grumpy expressions, a mother with twins, and a crying couple. Quinn scanned their faces briefly while buying in the cantina nearby, and they reminded her why she avoided hospitals. It was not the buildings itself, medical treatments or diseases that bothered her, but the mood and emotions associated with them. People were radiating with pessimism and negative aura. Gloom was filling the air despite the brightness of the place. It was overwhelming, taking into consideration the late hour with no visitors and no commotion on the corridors.

Quinn returned to the seats near the surgical area, reflecting on every little thing just to forget the fact that her best friend was lying on some operating table, fighting for her life. She felt sick. To refrain from fainting, she drunk the coffee and took the painkillers. Nonetheless, the feeling which was crushing her from the inside didn't go away. She touched with fingertips the small cross on her neck. When everything was falling through she turned to God, and regardless of all the things that she underwent, her connection to Him remained. She had a time of orthodoxy, but she learnt to genuinely place her confidence in faith. Thus, she prayed.

________________________________________

Hours went by. One, two, three, four, five… Quinn stopped counting around 4 a.m. She checked her phone and sighed with relief, seeing no notifications. She was definitely not ready to face the calls and messages that were undoubtedly to come. Exhausted, she focused the sight on the orange sun rising on the horizon. It gave her a gleam of hope. Early hospital staff started to walk across the hallways, looking out for the patients.

She looked at the doors. Nothing. Why nothing? Someone should have been moving through it, entering, exiting… but the doors stayed shut as they were all this time before. Quinn pondered whether there was another entrance or more areas inside. There should, so the crew could change, rest, prepare, and clean. She began to weigh the options, if it was possible she had missed something. The only logical explanation was that she had fallen asleep at some point. However, she eliminated it instantly, knowing that neither the lights nor the mental state would let her.

Before she could dwell upon it more thoroughly, the muffled sounds reached her ears and she turned her head in the entry's direction so quickly that she thought it would snap. The doors opened slowly and Quinn stood up in a flash, her heart beating out of her chest. It looked like a convoy marching through – nurses, assistants, and doctors were gradually exiting the surgical area, engrossed in conservation. None of them looked particularly depressed and the blonde took it as a good sign. Mrs. Anderson was talking with two other MDs, but after noticing the blonde, she excused herself and approached her with curious look.

"That girl must be really something. People always like to pretend they care but in the end they leave. It's good to know that there are still relationships like yours, miss." She declared in tired voice.

"Where is s-she? How did it go?" Quinn asked right away, taking a glance in the doors' direction.

"The staff will transport her to the room soon. Honestly, it was a tough night. She had a few cardiopulmonary arrests and partial hypoxic moments, ultimately we managed to stop the blood loss and the results are pretty positive. I think it is safe to say that the worst is behind us, her condition is no longer life-threatening and gradually she should recover completely. Yet, it is not the end of the road. Some initial readings were abnormal and now we need to carry out several analyses to verify whether everything is going in the right direction." 

Quinn felt herself relieve upon hearing the doctor's reply. She laid her hand on the heart, gripping the material in her fingers with a heavy sigh. Mrs. Anderson squeezed her eyes at Quinn but said nothing.

The doctor left Quinn to catch up with her crew and not long after, the doors opened again to reveal two paramedics maneuvering the hospital bed trolley. They passed her by as she watched Santana's fragile form moving to some other room. She followed them until they entered the restricted area equipped with various machines, and waited outside for further news.

________________________________________

More time flew by. Just when she noticed doctor Anderson leaving her office to presumably check on Santana, the middle-aged Puerto Rican couple ran to her. Quinn immediately recognized them as Santana's parents. She hadn't seen them for good several months, but they did not change a bit. David Lopez was a tall but slim man of a strong jaw and tan carnation, which emphasized his thick, curly brown hair. He was dressed smart and aroused respect without speaking a word. His wife, Valeria, was more similar to Santana, at least physically. Her oval face with a straight nose and high cheekbones was gentle, the long hair buckled up, her tiny frame clutching to her husband.

She was observing from the distance while they spoke with the doctor, their features changing with every second. Quinn saw in them every emotion that she had experienced herself. Santana's mother burst into tears, the man was clearly angry as he talked rapidly to Mrs. Anderson. A few moments later, she took off to the other room, leaving the upset couple in the hallway. Quinn decided to approach them.

"Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Lopez. It's good you are here. I am sincerely sorry… about San-Santana. I don't know what to say." She confessed and they looked at her in surprise. The woman embraced her warmly, tears falling down her face.

"Oh Quinn… Thank you. We wish we came sooner. How long have you been here? Why aren't you at Yale?" Valeria asked and David nodded his head in greeting.

"I came as soon as San's roommates informed me, ma'am. I've been here since 1 a.m. Yale isn't going anywhere." She met a pair of widened their eyes.

"You have stayed the entire night?" The man questioned, exchanging glances with his wife.

"Yes, Mr. Lopez. Kurt and Rachel were tired and I couldn't leave her in that state alone." Quinn confirmed softly and the woman hugged her again, evidently moved by her reply. Santana's father laid his hand on her shoulder.

"You shouldn't have. We do not know how to thank you." 

The blonde's heart calmed down by the comforting acts.

"It's nothing. I can't imagine being somewhere else."

They talked with each other for several more minutes, silently sharing the grief and anxiety. The screech of opening doors interrupted them and Quinn immediately tensed, seeing the doctor walking in their direction with a file. The woman's features were wary and uncertain, and the look in her eyes took Quinn's every bit of assurance she gathered through the past hours.

"Have you run all necessary tests?" David's tone was as somber as his face. The doctor sighed.

"Yes, several times. Already at the time of surgery we feared for possible consequences, but we had to concentrate on keeping your daughter alive by any means. Our main aim was achieved and her condition was stabilized." She eyed each person before glancing back at the record.

"What do you mean then? Won't she recover or…" Valeria broke off troubled.

"No, that's not the case. Physically she will be fine, her health status is secured, and the life readings are improving. However, the cardiac arrests she suffered, the blood loss, the brain hypoxia… it led to the comatose state, although with minimal brain activity." She paused and took a short breath. "She's in a coma."

"What?! Show me the results, there must be– " 

Santana's father started arguing, but Quinn was not listening. In a trance-like state, she slowly stepped back, turned around, and left unnoticed. She went straight to the exit, paying no attention to the surroundings. As soon as she left the building, she bent forward, grasping for fresh air. The sun was shining faintly through the clouds.


	3. If This Was a Movie

________________________________________

Quinn did not know what to do with herself. She stood in front of the hospital, breathing deeply with closed eyes. Her head and heart were pounding, her ears hurt from the city noise. She felt empty. She felt like she was falling apart. Everyone was passing her by, busy with their daily routines. Walking around, like it was an ordinary, spring day. Careless. Indifferent.

Her pocket vibrated and she saw a text from Kurt, asking for news. She swallowed the lump in her throat and tapped out a simple message.

_Don't go anywhere. I'm coming over._

She disliked the idea with passion. Having barely acknowledged what happened, how could she possibly narrate the recent incidents? Quinn contemplated upon it on her way to the apartment, half-aware of what was happening around her.

Quicker than she would like to, she arrived at the building and went upstairs, every step taken with difficulty. Before she could knock on the doors, they opened and she faced distressed Rachel. The blonde assumed she looked ghastly because the brunette immediately made a terrified face.

"Oh my God! Is she… is…" Rachel stumbled, her brown eyes wide open.

"No. She is alive." The blonde responded and crossed the doorstep. Kurt emerged from the kitchen, carrying food and drinks. He winced at her sight.

"You don't look good."

"Well, I'm not feeling good." Quinn replied and sat down on the coach. 

She started massaging her temple, sensing a void in her brain. Kurt and Rachel sat beside her, obvious questions in their eyes. The brunet passed her a glass of water which Quinn instantly took, feeling how dry her lips were.

"Have you eaten? Here are some sandwiches." Rachel offered her a plate, however, the blonde shook her head.

"Thank you, but no. I feel I might throw up." 

The pair exchanged worried looks.

"Are you sure? It's not healthy to reject food, perhaps you will feel better than worse after eating." Rachel persisted, stroking her shoulder. Quinn refused once more.

They fell silent. Muffled, mixed sounds were coming from the street, indicating that the city was fully awake. The beams of light were reaching the table's surface, refracting through the glass. Rachel opened her mouth to presumably ask all the unanswered questions but Kurt discretely shook his head. Quinn sighed in defense and, without further thinking, spoke.

"She's alive. Theoretically speaking, she is fine and on her way to recovery." She declared and her friends frowned.

"What do you mean, theoretically?" Kurt questioned, as puzzled as Rachel.

The blonde fixed her gaze on some imprecise point and began describing the past hours. She wasn't interrupted, and within few minutes the apartment went quiet again.

"I should have tried harder. I should have pressed more on her to quit that job. And that would not have happened." Rachel sobbed and Kurt grasped her hand.

Quinn looked at the girl. "It's not your fault. It's no one's fault but that mugger's, okay? Don't blame yourself for things out of your control."

"What happens now?" The brunette's voice was unusually hushed and shaken from unease.

"I don't know, Rachel."

________________________________________

A few hours later, the NYADA students were getting ready to leave, having stated that they would drop by the hospital. Quinn stopped them at the threshold.

"Can I crash here for some time? My train leaves around evening."

"Of course you can. Make yourself at home. You know what is where." Kurt assured her.

"Thank you. In case we won't see each other again, goodbye." She hugged them, feeling the tears coming. "We will stay in touch. I will probably return home for summer, so until next time."

Kurt and Rachel promised to visit Lima and keep Quinn informed about New York. With one last glance, they shut the doors and left her in the desolated apartment. Quinn wandered pointlessly around the common room, respecting her friends' private spaces. She stopped near Santana's "room" separated by a thick curtain and on shaky feet, against her reason, she went inside. Upon seeing the place, she felt herself crumble right away. Everything was very much alike to what she remembered. Clothes were spread randomly over the furniture, magazines lying on the bed, candles stood on the dressers. Just one thing was missing.

Quinn's eyes paused at the nightstand, spotting two objects that made her heart drop. She came closer and picked up in her hands a small teddy bear wearing a Yale hoodie, the souvenir that Santana had bought during her unexpected visit to New Haven. She placed the mascot back and her fingers came across a pocket edition of the anthology of the most famous American and British poetry. A similar one that was lying on the desk in Quinn's dorm room. There was a bookmark placed on the poem that she recognized as one of the most well-known works by T.S. Eliot.

Everything about the room was upsetting. The colors, the shadows, the scent. On her way out, she stopped at the bathroom and splashed cold water on face. The reflection in the mirror stared back at her, chilling to the bone. Faint lips, colorless cheeks, dim eyes, and matte hair. Quinn didn't recognize this person. It was not her. 

She went back to the kitchen and took a few pills to lessen the pain in her body. Having caught sight of the coach, she laid down and involuntarily fell asleep, exhaustion overcoming her completely.

The unpleasant ache in the lower back cut short her rest and Quinn scolded herself for being so forgetful. The car accident left not only scars but a permanent mark on her spine condition, forcing her to be cautious with bed choices. She stretched with a heavy sigh and checked the time, she had about an hour to the train going back to Yale. Feeling slightly better, she risked eating sandwiches to calm the grumbling stomach. Few minutes later, the blonde gathered her belongings and closed the apartment, hiding the key how she was told.

Once again she was walking down the hospital, much to her dislike. Despite the exact knowledge of what she was about to see this time, it did not get better. Quinn guessed that it never would. Santana was still being held in ICU, supposedly monitored for further treatment. When she entered the darkened room, she spotted the Latina's mother near the bed and it pained her to see how defeated the woman looked.

"Hello, Mrs. Lopez." She greeted quietly, for fear that she might scare her. Valeria lifted her head and smiled sadly.

"Hi, Quinn. Please, sit down." She gestured towards the seats and the blonde shook her head.

"I'm sincerely sorry, but I can't stay for long. I'm going back to Yale this evening." 

The woman nodded her head in understanding. "Certainly. You cannot drop the college. I hope you do well on your exams. Thank you for coming, nevertheless."

"There is nothing to thank for, ma'am. I'm returning home as soon as I'm done with finals. If I may ask, what are your plans concerning Santana?" Quinn asked, standing by the mattress. Valeria sighed, looking at her daughter.

"David has already started making preparations. For few more days we have to stay here, until Tana's is in sufficient enough state to transport. We will move her back to Lima and set up a room in the house. She cannot be held in the hospital all the time, not when she recovers anyway…" She broke off, wiping the tears from her eyes. Quinn swallowed and took a shaky breath.

"That seems reasonable. I will contact Santana's roommates to help you bring some of her things. They will be leaving in two weeks."

"Thank you." The woman returned to stare helplessly at the sleeping girl. 

The blonde approached Santana and caressed her lying hand, the only sound coming from the beeping machines. Quinn bid her farewells and having glanced wistfully at her friend's unconscious form one last time, went to the station.

Sitting on the train, she texted Kurt and Rachel about the situation. The sun was setting down when she stepped into the campus building, her heart and mind still in the other state. Students around her moved in a rush, carrying notes, books, drinks, and running between the faculties. Upon noticing the finals fever, Quinn realized that life was proceeding in the same manner as two days before. Two days before, it was also her life. And now she couldn't explain why she felt completely out of place.

She entered the room, placed her bag on the floor, and stood by the bed motionless. The endless void seemed to follow her even here, and she found herself swallowed by it, piece by piece. She wrapped her hands around her body, shattering inside. It was cold.

Quinn took no notice of the opening doors and Ashley who stood in them.

"Oh I hoped it was you! I got your note, what –" she stopped at once, seemingly noticing a blank expression on the blonde's face. "I… I will be in my area if you wanna talk. You probably won't, but… yeah." With that, the brunette took off.

Quinn composed herself and looked apathetically around the place, wondering what to do. She felt too exhausted and uneasy to resume studying, having assumed she would not learn a thing anyway. She went out to grab some food and settled on long, hot shower. It was still relatively early, however, she was in a need of sleep, considering how short her last nap was. She wrapped herself in sheets, turned off the phone, and closed her eyes in expectation of a restless night.

________________________________________

It took her time to come back down. She preoccupied herself with books, tuning out anything else. She did not talk with Ashley despite noticing her worried glances. She did not talk with anyone else. 

The calls and messages started incoming. At first, she had been deleting them without reading and pressing the red button whenever a name popped out, but after some time she stopped paying attention at all, only staying in contact with Kurt, Rachel, and her mother. Her mother, whose call she answered as the only one, although she knew for certain why she was calling.

"Hello, mom." Quinn voiced to the microphone, striving for a stronger tone.

_"Quinnie, I've just heard about Santana. I'm so, so sorry. How are you?"_ The unmistakable, troubled soprano reached her ears. 

She sighed, unsure of her answer. There were no words in languages of the world to express her mental and emotional state.

"I'm… not well, mom. Let's leave it at that." The blonde uttered, scratching the papers in front of her with fingernails.

_"This is truly horrible what happened, poor girl… and her parents! I spoke with Valeria, she is utterly broken. They will need all the support they can get. Hopefully, Santana will wake up and everything will end well."_

During the last years, Judy Fabray befriended the Lopez family, which Quinn was eternally grateful for. She did not wished her mother to be alone and get depressed again, like she did after the divorce. Judy stayed in touch with Mrs. Lopez even when she and Santana were not on good terms.

"I hope so too, mom."

_"When are you coming home?"_

"In a few days. I will let you know. Could you pick me up?"

_"Of course, honey. How are your finals going?"_

They talked for a couple of minutes more and after hanging up, Quinn felt somewhat better. She had come to appreciate her mother's attempts to fix their relationship, which indeed got better than ever.

It was the beginning of June and there were two exams left. On one hand, Quinn could not wait to leave the dorm room, on the other hand, she knew that meant returning to reality. Reality, in which Santana was dead to the world.

The blonde stared at the framed photos standing on her desk, presenting the most important moments of her life. There was one of her and Beth, taken in hospital. The second one as she was raising the trophy of national cheerleading championship. Another demonstrated her standing up without the wheelchair. The fourth was taken during their celebration of winning the title of the national choir champions. The last illustrated the graduation as her entire senior year stood proudly with diplomas in hands.

On almost every one, Santana was accompanying her. Santana was holding the trophy with her as the co-captain. Santana was supporting her during the time she stood up. Santana was hugging her when Will Shuester was receiving the cup for the best choir. Santana was holding her hand while the headmaster introduced the graduates. She looked down on her notebook, noticing the stains on paper. She started to speculate on where they came from when she realized it were her tears.

________________________________________

Days had passed in stress and before Quinn comprehended that it was really over, she was stuffing her things in the suitcase, saying goodbyes to fellow students, and boarding the plane. Kurt had updated her earlier that Santana had been transported to Lima and he would visit soon, the rest of the glee club likewise. She stared through the window, pondering on upcoming months. It was the first day of holidays and she already knew that it would be the worst summer of her life.

Having turned the cellular network off, she was checking her phone and removing unneeded things. Beside her sat down an older lady who smiled at her warmly and Quinn felt envious of the ease with which she managed to do that. She continued going through her gallery and stopped at the playful photo taken during the spring break that she spent in New York. It was a selfie of her touching cheeks with Santana, both dressed in fake mustaches and making funny faces, which was shot in the shop selling various gadgets.

"You look so cute together." Said a voice next to her.

"Excuse me?" Quinn looked up to her right at the joyous woman who was glancing between her and the phone.

"Oh I'm sorry, I shouldn't have looked. My son always says that I have wandering eyes." She laughed. "I couldn't help but notice what a sweet couple you two make." The lady pointed at the screen.

"We are not dating, but thank you, ma'am." The blonde answered, looking back at the picture.

"My mistake then. She seems like a lovely girl."

"She has her moments." Quinn muttered and hid her phone.

"Are you flying to see her?" The woman questioned, glancing at her heartily.

"So to speak."

"Are you not friends anymore? You do not look very thrilled about that." 

The corners of Quinn's mouth slightly fell.

"She is somewhere where I can't go. And I don't know if she ever returns." 

The older lady's expression turned into a sorrowful one.

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. It is truly sad when life separates people." She sighed, fixing her eyes on the seat before her. "However, there is always the other side of the coin. God works in mysterious ways. Without the rain there would be no rainbow."

Quinn had no answers for her.


	4. Storm

________________________________________

This was not a homecoming Quinn wanted to have. She was not supposed to return to Lima in June, alone and miserable. She was not supposed to meet her troubled mother and almost cause a scene at the airport. She was not supposed to hide in the silent car all the way home.

Everything around screamed of summer. The bright sun, cloudless sky, warm wind, laughing kids, airy clothes. She was staring through the window as it was a cold, rainy, autumn day. Her mother's upset glances were burning holes into the back of her head.

"What are your plans for summer?" Judy spoke, causing Quinn to turn eyes in her direction.

"I don't know. For the first time in my life, I don't have anything planned." She puffed, smiling ironically before her face turned expressionless again. "I will read, get busy… maybe find a summer job."

"I've visited Santana. If not for the devices around her, you could say that she is just sleeping." She confessed in a hushed tone. "David made a fine job with the room. She is taken care of in her own house, by her own family, which is good. You will probably want to drop by?" Her mother asked after another quiet moment. Quinn fixed her gaze in the road before them.

"Yes and no. I want to be there for her, but…" Her tender voice paused. Judy patted her thigh.

"You know that you can talk to me anytime, right dear?"

"I know, mom. It's just… some things cannot be verbalized." Quinn sent her a helpless look.

After arriving at home, she went to her room to unpack. It stayed the same as she left it, organized, but a little bit bare and noticeably unoccupied. She missed the random posters and photos, books scattered around, unfolded blankets or unarranged CDs. She missed the times of high school when she could hide in that room and forget about problems even for a moment.

Having decided to spend some bonding time with her mother, Quinn helped with dinner, talking about everything that had occurred in Lima and Yale since her last visit. She felt more relaxed upon hearing that Judy was doing well on her own, developing new interests, and even trying to date. She also looked better than ever, which Quinn did not forget to mention. They sat down at the table, random movie playing in the background.

"So, you have listened to me rambling for more than enough. I want to hear what you have been recently up to." Her mother declared, lifting her gaze from the plate.

"We talked almost every week, mom. Nothing new happened apart from what I had told you."

"Nothing worthy commenting?"

"Nope. College was keeping me occupied. I went out with friends from time to time, watched movies, jogged, and naturally read. Nothing out of ordinary." Quinn replied, doodling on her plate with fork. She was tired and dispirited. The sleepless nights of finals were catching up with her.

"And how did your spring break in New York go?" Judy questioned, earning a sigh from her daughter.

"It was good. You know that, I called you."

"Yes, of course, but I expected some details. Like what you have seen, what you were doing, how your friends were."

"Maybe some other time. I promise." She added, seeing the disappointment in the woman's eyes.

"Okay, then. Am I to assume that you haven't met anyone as well?" Curiosity rang in her voice.

"No, mom. I haven't, and as I said earlier, I don't want to. I'm good the way it is now." She said truthfully.

"Pity, perhaps a significant other would comfort you a bit."

"I doubt that." Quinn muttered under her breath.

"And what about your friends? Are they also anti-dating as you?" Her face was solemn but there was a tone of humor in her voice.

"I am not anti-dating, mom. I am just not interested in blind dates."

Her mother wore a bothered expression. "I only want you to be happy. I hate to see you like this." 

"I was happy." She firmly stated, more to herself than anyone else. "As for my friends, Kurt made up with Blaine, Rachel is indecisive, and Santana is single." 

Judy's eyebrows raised instantly. "Single? Wasn't she inseparable with that…" She paused, frowning in deep thought. "What was her name… Britney?" 

This time Quinn raised an eyebrow. "Santana broke up with Brittany many months ago."

_"Huh.”_

They cleaned up the dishes and made a fruit salad as the afternoon snack. The sun was shining through the kitchen blinds, the muffled sounds of TV were coming from the other room, people were strolling down the street. The blonde thought how much she had missed such peaceful moments at home, where she felt safe and calm. As much as she loved her college, Yale was nothing like it with its spacious buildings, crowded corridors, and endless libraries. Reality, however, once again barged in uninvited.

"I've heard that you stayed in the hospital the entire night." Her mother said, settling on the coach.

"Yes. She would have done the same for me." Quinn answered, stepping into the common room.

"Oh, she did." The woman confirmed, and noticing the Quinn's confused frown, she continued. "Besides making the huge commotion that the entire Lima probably heard, Santana had practically lived in your room until you woke up, after the accident."

"I… did not know that." She sat down, feeling rather astounded.

"Of course you didn't. She told me not to mention this to anyone." Judy disclosed, clearly amused, while skipping through the channels.

The corner of Quinn's mouth curled up for the first time since New York. And for the first time, warmth spread through her body, soaking into the heart. It was a feeling she had long forgotten, and she sighed with delight.

"That idiot."

________________________________________

Quinn freshened up, changed her clothes, and examined herself in the mirror. Her fair hair had grown back to long curls and she looked slimmer than she remembered in a blue top and an A-line white skirt. She applied some powder on her cheeks to appear lively and grabbed a pair of flats, ready to leave.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Her mother asked as she packed her things into a purse.

"Thanks mom, but I'd rather go alone."

"All right. You can stay as long as her parents are fine with it. Give them my best."

They exchanged hugs and Quinn went out on the familiar boulevard, breeze caressing her skin. It seemed like over a century ago since the last time she strolled down the same street. Considering that the Lopez household was only few blocks away, she decided to take a walk and stop by the florist where she bought a bouquet of red gladioli, flowers that always reminded her of Santana. Before she realized, she was standing nervously on the porch of the rich house, waiting for the doors to open.

"Hello, Quinn. Please, come in." Valeria answered with a polite smile and gestured her to step inside.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Lopez. I hope I am not interrupting anything." She looked around the house in search of possible guests.

"No, it's okay. The nurse comes at mornings, David is still working, and Andrés stayed over at his friend's."

"Oh. And how is the little guy? I haven't seen him for ages." 

Santana's mother gave her a worried look. "He is very sad, so… spiritless. He misses his hermana and he doesn't understand why she is like that."

Quinn nodded in recognition and examined the surroundings. She always enjoyed staying at Santana's, there was much warmth and joy in the place. It was a modern, spacious, and beautiful house, but kept simple and cozy. The colors were light, furniture wooden as the floor, and each area was neatly separated. The common room, where she and Santana watched their comedy marathons when nobody was home, was her favorite, because of the big, marble fireplace overlaid with family photos.

"I wasn't sure what to get so I brought flowers." Quinn looked down at the wrapping she was holding. The woman's eyes shone with gratitude.

"That is very kind of you. Let me put them in a vase." She went to the kitchen and spoke loudly. "I didn't ask if you are hungry. Do you want something, dear?"

"No, thank you ma'am. I had a dinner with my mom. She says hi." 

Valeria brought back the flowers and signaled to follow her.

"Thank you, I send my greetings as well. You are welcome to come over any time. How are you? You look tired."

"I think I should be asking this question." The blonde replied apologetically. "Thank you for concern, I am indeed weary. The last week was rough. Nonetheless, probably not more difficult than yours, ma'am."

They moved to the room which Quinn recognized as a former office or library, noticing the bookcases, dressers, armchairs, and desks by the walls. On the left, there was a wide window with a view on the garden, under which stood the bed. Next to it was a nightstand on which Valeria placed the vase.

"Tana, you have a guest. Quinn is here, she brought you flowers. They are beautiful, you would have loved them." The brunette spoke softly to her daughter, smoothing the hair on her head. 

The pale-skinned girl admired her indisputable strength and optimism. Many other people would easily fall apart, unable to handle the situation. Mrs. Lopez was standing firm, although Quinn did not doubt that she had also wept at night, sitting beside her comatose child.

"We prepared everything to be functional and helpful." She faced her, pointing at the machinery. "The devices which are monitoring the readings are automatic and will warn of any changes, the alarm is set not only for the house but also for the cellphones. David rent a lot of equipment to ensure that Santana could stay at home. The good thing is that they do not take much place and work quietly. All those beeping noises would drive us insane." The woman explained, eyeing the medical equipment.

"She looks better." The hazel-eyed girl noted that the amount of machines next to Santana was lesser than the last time she saw her. It seemed less terrifying.

"Definitely, now that she does not need those life-supporting systems. We are left with the machines checking the heart, brain, blood pressure… Recently we also removed ventilation mask, leaving only the nasal tube. And there is the drip." Valeria replied and checked the hanging bag. "My husband taught me how to control these devices while he's gone. However, there is a nurse on our service who lives close. In case something happens, Tana will receive immediate assistance."

Silence filled the room as two women stared at the sleeping brunette. Quinn took a few steps forward and stood on the right side of the mattress, seeking for any sign of reaction from Santana. There was none, she was lying still as a statue. The blonde felt her heart drop.

"Is there… Has something changed since New York?" She questioned almost inaudibly. The woman shook her head in sorrow.

"We regularly analyze the brain activity. She is…" Valeria's alto subsided and she heavily sighed. "She is distant. And all we can do is wait." 

Quinn fixed her eyes on Santana's face. "Is it okay if I stay here for a while?"

"Of course, dear. Stay as long as you want." Mrs. Lopez grabbed the handle. "I will be upstairs. I'm leaving the doors ajar. There is an emergency button to your right if anything comes off."

Quinn was left alone and she sat down in the armchair. She took the tube-less left hand in her own, grazing the tan skin in the feather-like manner. The sun was illuminating the room, the light rays danced on the white covers. Sitting in silence, frozen, having all the time in the world, she waited. 

Seconds, minutes passed as she was staring at lying body and various thoughts infiltrated her mind, slowly creeping in realization. It hit her. She was not dreaming or hallucinating. Santana is not moving. Santana is not responding. Santana is not waking up.

She broke down, crying out all the emotions which had bottled up inside her. Helplessness. There was nothing she could do to bring her friend back. Pain. It should not have happened in the first place. Grief. It's too soon, too sudden. Fear. She might have lost her forever. Waterfall of tears was cascading down her face until there was no more to shed. Sobs were ringing in the air until she was out of breath. She felt herself crumbling down inexorably, drowning in the reality impossible to change and time impossible to reverse.

Quinn decided to do the only thing that was left. Hold on.


	5. Lullaby

________________________________________

Everyone knew what happened – that Quinn assumed by scrolling down the messages in the phone inbox. Kurt already set up a Breadstix meeting for those who came back to Lima in the character of club reunion. And as much as Quinn wanted to avoid the group mourning, she was on her way to the restaurant where her friends waited.

She fixed her dress and entered the most popular place in the town. Immediately spotting the crowded table in the middle, she put on her best neutral face and approached them. Almost everyone turned up. Kurt was squeezed between Blaine and Finn, Puck was talking with Sam, and Mercedes chatted with Tina. They exchanged greetings, giving Quinn some space to sit down.

"Here we are again. Unfortunately, not in the celebration mood." Noah spoke, playing with the straw in the glass.

"I wanted to visit my folks anyway. I might as well stay longer, I have a break from L.A. so there is no problem." Mercedes explained, glancing at everyone.

"I am working for summer in dad's workshop, it's not like a have to move from the other state." Finn nodded at Puck, who also moved back to Ohio after his failed business in California.

"I didn't want to leave early for college like Artie did." Tina said. 

Sam just shrugged. "Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing right now. For the time being I'm helping my parents." He answered, raising his hands defensively.

"What about the others, any ideas?" Blaine asked, placing his hand on Kurt's shoulder.

"Mike was held up in the studio, I don't know if he returns." The Asian girl replied.

"Rachel will be here in a few days, her rehearsals got extended." Kurt cut in, making Finn's head tilt a little in interest. 

Quinn remained silent.

"Brittany?"

"That girl is living in her own world." Mercedes threw in the discussion and everyone nodded. "I called her but in the middle it got disconnected. I am not even certain that she knows what's going on beyond MIT. Knowing her, she doesn't." She raised her eyebrows and shook her head in pity.

Quinn did not feel pity for the other blonde ex-cheerio. She was bitter. There was a moment of silence.

"This all sucks." Puck declared in anger, throwing his hands in the air. "I came here to have a fun summer with my pals, figure out what to do. And now I simply don't care anymore."

"What exactly happened? Besides that Santana is in coma, I know very little." The fair-haired boy was eyeing each person with a dumbfounded expression. 

Quinn sent Kurt a pleading look which he received before making a short report about New York. When he finished, the group was in the gloomier mood than before. Puck cursed again and Mercedes was on the edge of crying.

"I really hope that the guy who did this is already in jail, or I will find him and snap his neck myself." He muttered, and Finn's face said that he had similar opinion. 

"I think that such things happen there every day… Santana was in the wrong place, at the wrong time." Blaine commented, his eyes fixed on the table.

"Not to mention she had to interfere, probably being pissed off. That sounds like her behavior."

The group went quiet, absorbed in their own thoughts. Quinn was certain that if anyone saw them, they would call the psychiatric ward to inform about escaped patients.

"You are all welcome to visit. Mrs. Lopez told me to invite anyone who would like to stop by. Just not everyone at once." She quietly announced, and the club discreetly approved of the idea by short nods.

"I wanna come today if that's okay." Mercedes offered and the blonde smiled.

"I'm going with you." Kurt interjected. "How about going directly from here? It's only afternoon, is it fine?" He asked.

"Well, I'm not the person to answer that, but I think that San's parents won't mind."

They spent the next half an hour on talking about their plans, recent events, graduation, and possible future meetings, considering that sooner or later people would leave. Everybody promised to keep in touch and meet again as they departed in own ways.

"Hey lil' mama, we must hang out later, okay? I missed ya." Puck said while hugging Quinn.

"Sure. I missed you too." 

He waved at her, disappearing around the corner. The blonde felt sentimental about him, he was a great friend to have and she could use his comforting attitude. His good relationship with Santana also gave her the possibility to get some things off her chest. If anyone could understand or at least listen to her, it would be Puck.

"Hey guys, before we head out, I got an idea. Give me a few minutes to go back home, I would pack some cupcakes that me and my mom made. We've got tons of them and I will gladly leave some at Santana's place." Mercedes suggested and both Kurt and Quinn nodded in agreement.

"That's nice of you. We will meet up at San's home." 

The dark-skinned girl went to her car, and the brunet faced Quinn.

"I was riding with Blaine on the way here. Would you give me a lift?"

"Sure. Speaking of your guy, where did he go?" She asked as they walked through the parking lot.

"He had some stuff to prepare before our trip to New York. We will come together next time."

They drove in silence and Quinn realized that she enjoyed Kurt's presence. He was caring, sensible, and understanding, despite his colorful and optimistic character. She felt grateful for having him as a friend, and relieved that Santana was living with someone like him. Although Quinn was not complaining about her company at Yale, none of her college friends were comparable to the ones she got in high school.

While waiting for Mercedes on the driveway, they chatted about random things, trying to take their minds off the situation. The blonde's appreciation for Kurt increased, seeing that he too was affected by Santana's condition.

"Do you think that everything will be okay?" He asked after a while.

"I don't know. I hope it will. I pray for it every day." She replied, watching the clouds on the sky.

"Apartment is not the same without her, you know. I felt it already after a few days. I never thought that I would ever say that but…" He broke off, and Quinn looked back at him. 

"It's quiet and boring. We got used to her annoying comments. To the clothes scattered around the rooms. When I hurried to catch the plane, the fashion magazines were lying organized on the shelf. It bothered me. She was always leaving them in a mess." His voice and his words made her heart ache, for she understood what he meant.

"I know. I have the same." Quinn confessed and licked her lips. "I caught myself checking the phone for her random, incredibly offensive messages. For the sweet or complaining ones too. For the photos implying how her week went. Since February it has been our kind of routine. Texting, calling…"

Kurt opened his mouth to say something, but in the exact moment Mercedes arrived. They were greeted warmly by Mrs. Lopez, and after a short talk, Quinn led them to Santana's room.

"This is so different. I've never seen her like that." The brunette singer sadly reflected, watching the sleeping girl. Quinn sat in her usual spot on the right side and took Santana's hand in hers. "I talked with her just a few weeks ago. She insisted that we meet in NYC cause she needed a party and 'normal people to sing with', as she put it." Everyone smiled faintly.

"You're right. She was never the one to keep calm." Kurt commented and looked at Mercedes. "Do you remember how she was after Quinn's accident? Even I got a little scared." 

The blonde glanced at them with clear interest while the diva made a face.

"Oh Gosh, do not remind me. She was always hot-headed but that was full berserk mode."

"Guys, could you enlighten me? I was kind of out back then." Quinn requested, looking between them. Mercedes got noticeably excited.

"Santana completely lost her shit, as she would say, when she saw you in the hospital. We went in group directly from the chapel, slightly confused about what had happened. The minute we got informed, the hell broke loose." She explained and Kurt nodded.

"I thought that she was going to tear Rachel and Finn apart with her bare hands. She probably would if not for the people who held her down. I was not sure what she was yelling in Spanish but that did not sound pleasant at all. Why do you think Rachel blamed herself so much? The stuff that Santana had told her…" He shook his head in disbelief.

"The entire floor was put on alert. She was ordering around the medical staff like they were pawns. Nobody dared to speak up. You can imagine the picture."

Quinn was shaken to the core. If she ever doubted her friend's concern, she was sure to never repeat the mistake again. Staring at Santana's peaceful face, she wished she had known so she could have thanked her. She wished that she could tell her that she cared too. They never spoke about such things, it was not their thing. Maybe they should have. Her hand clasped tighter around the numb fingers.

Kurt and Mercedes lingered for a while, recollecting amusing moments of glee club, speaking about their lives in New York and Los Angeles. Quinn's mood lifted up and she comprehended that she had missed them dearly. The room seemed less dark when they were leaving.

"We need to meet again gurl, call me when you have time so we will catch a movie or something. I'm in no hurry to leave for L.A. and I will definitely stop by again." Mercedes assured, embracing Quinn in a goodbye.

"I am not going anywhere, so I will hold you to your word."

"I can say the same to you. Don't be a stranger." Kurt faced her with a little smile. He glanced at Santana and his eyes darkened. "When I had a rough time with my dad being in hospital, I learnt to handle my emotions, make it a bit easier. Talking could help, not only you but also her. Unconscious people supposedly hear their surroundings." 

Quinn followed his line of sight and bit her lip in pondering.

"Thanks, I will think about what you've said."

________________________________________

She stayed with Santana for another half an hour before going home for dinner. Kurt's words were floating in her mind, she wondered whether anything was able to fill the void inside her. The void that she could not explain or understand. Quinn began to rack her brains about it, every time she was sitting next to Santana. And she still could not unravel it.

The rest of the day passed relatively slow as she was organizing her reading materials brought from the university. She came across her mini edition of poetry anthology and placed it on display, knowing that she would use it.

"Quinnie, I'm going to see a friend. Will you be here or are you leaving somewhere?" Her mother's voice came from downstairs.

"No, I think I will call it a day and stay at home."

"Are you not going to visit Santana?"

"I have already been there today. I do not want to overstay my welcome, I will go tomorrow." She replied, switching the laptop on to check the mail.

"Okay then. Bye!" 

Quinn heard the doors closing and focused on going through the Internet.

Upon seeing no results from Yale, she started browsing social pages and reading messages from people. The blonde noticed Brittany's status change, which she couldn't translate, and straight away grabbed her cellphone to call her. After few signals she heard her pick up.

_"Hello?"_

"Brittany, it's Quinn. Where are you?" She reminded herself to keep calm.

_"Hi there Quinn! How did you know which phone to call?"_

Quinn knitted brows and shook her head. "Listen to me carefully, Britt. Where. Are. You?"

_"What do you mean? I'm still in school, silly. There are a lot of weird people who apparently need my help."_

She heavily sighed. "Are you at MIT? Why aren't you in Lima? Santana is your best friend."

_"Oh, Mercedes said that something happened but then I got stuck in the fancy library doors and I stopped listening. I tried to call Sanny later, she doesn't answer and I'm sad."_

Quinn moved the microphone away to swear, which she rarely did.

"San doesn't answer because she can't. Mercedes called you to say that Santana got hurt and she's in a coma."

 _"Hurt? Is she okay?"_ Brittany's voice sounded confused and worried.

"No, she's not, that is what I'm trying to tell you. Santana is unconscious, she is not awake."

_"Then why anyone won't try to wake her up? Sometimes you have to scream really hard, for me works the washing machine sound coz Lord Tubbington really likes to hide there. I know! San hates when you take her quilt. You should try that."_

Quinn started massaging her temple.

"It's not that simple. She has to wake up on her own. Anyway, that's not the point. You should return to Lima, visit her. You know, like people do when they have someone in hospital." 

There was a moment of silence on the other side of the line.

_"I can't just leave. Teachers would not like that. And there will be a parade, they promised balloons big as cars. How cool is that."_

The hazel-eyed girl felt her HBIC twitch inside. "You need to find time and come. She's your best friend. Ex-girlfriend. If it were you, she would show up at once."

_"I know and I wanna see her. But it's like the middle of summer session. Do planes even fly now?"_

"Just… think about it. Call your parents, talk with your counselor, whatever. I'm certain that Santana would have appreciated if you came even for a day. I've gotta go. I hope to see you soon." 

Quinn hung up, not waiting on her reply and hurled the phone at the bed surface in frustration. So much for her peaceful evening.

________________________________________

The following day she went out to look for any kind of part time work just to keep busy. Luckily, she found her kind of job in secondhand bookshop pretty quickly. The place was cameral and the graphic was flexible, so Quinn took it on the spot. It was fairly early and having bought some fruits, she arrived at Santana's house. She passed in the doorway David who greeted her appreciatively, and engaged in a small talk with Mrs. Lopez.

"Thank you for the fruits, Andy will be delighted. You do know that you don't have to bring anything, do you?" The woman faced her, offering a cup of ice tea.

"I'm trying to buy off my time in here." Quinn joked and the brunette smiled at her.

"As I said, you can visit anytime and for how long you want to. We don't mind company, actually, it is most welcome. I missed you around here, you used to come to Tana so often." She replied, gesturing for her to enter the room. "Make yourself at home. And ignore Andrés if he bothers you. He is just bored." 

The blonde shook her head. "I do not mind kids. He won't be a trouble."

"Oh, right." She rolled her eyes in realization. "How is your daughter if I may ask?"

"She's well, from what I've heard. Away, but this is for the best." Quinn smiled sadly. "Do you want to see her picture? I've got some on the cellphone."

"I would like that." Santana's mother grinned widely upon seeing Beth's photo. "What a cutie. She looks like a little angel. You must miss her." 

The blonde nodded. "High school was tough, yet, it got better after some time. She will be always special to me, regardless of who is raising her." She answered melancholically, locking the phone. The woman looked at her with understanding.

"Okay, help yourself to anything you need. There is a radio on the dresser, feel free to play some music. We do that for Santana, so she could find her way back to the real world." The Latina smoothed the bed covers affectionately and Quinn felt a crack in her heart.

When the woman left, she sat down and instinctively covered Santana's hand with hers. There was chaos in her thoughts, and her heart felt heavy. The blonde had no idea how to clear her head and let it all go, how to find some kind of release. She looked at the tan, but lifeless face of her friend in contemplation.

"Hola." 

A faint, high pitched voice reached her, and she spotted a small boy standing shyly in the doors.

"Hi, kiddo." Quinn smiled at him. "Oh my, you have definitely grown since the last time I saw you." 

The boy took a few slow steps in her direction and when she examined him closer, her breath hitched. He had the same warm, deep, chocolate pools and dark, thick lashes as Santana. His hair was brown and curly as his father's, but his dimpled cheeks and turn-up nose were taken after his mother.

"You know me?" He tilted his head in curiosity and Quinn nodded.

"Yep. However, you were very tiny back then you so it's understandable you do not recognize me." 

The boy came close to her armchair and looked at her fascinated.

"Wow. You're really pretty." The blonde grinned at his statement. "Are you Tana's girlfriend?"

"Thank you. I'm her friend. San and I went to school together." 

He glanced between her and his sister.

"Oooh. I like you, you can be her girlfriend." He declared with superiority and hopped on the edge of the bed. Quinn chuckled.

"Why thanks, but why do you say that?"

"You seem nice. And you're here, holding her hand, so that means you must like her. And you're pretty. So that's a win-win." 

Quinn could not help but laugh at the boy's resemblance to Santana.

"Aren't you a smart little thing." 

Her heart warmed as he started swinging his legs.

"I am." After a moment he frowned. "I didn't tell you my name and papá said that's rude. Me llamo Andrés, y tú?"

"Nice to meet you Andrés, I'm Quinn." They shook hands and his eyes widened at the reply.

"Do you have a kingdom? Like the ones in fairy tales?" He asked excitedly, not leaving the dark orbs off her.

"Uhm no, not exactly." She grinned, scrunching her eyes a little. The boy appeared to be considering her words.

"Sooo… you are called queen but you don't have to rule stuff?"

"Yes, something like that." The blonde leisurely answered, and Andrés's face brightened with enthusiasm and pure joy.

"That is awesome!" He jumped from the bed and ran out of the room, yelling. "MAMÁ! Can I change my name to king?!"

Quinn chuckled under her breath, shaking her head. Silence surrounded her again and she resumed staring at Santana. Few minutes passed. Having glanced at the machines' readings, she leant towards comatose girl.

"Hi, S. It's me. Quinn." She said softly.

"They say that people… you, can hear what's going on around, even when you are somewhere far away. I really hope you do. Maybe it is the only way to bring you back." Pause. Sigh. "Focus on my voice. I don't know if you are dreaming or it is the darkness that surrounds you, but wherever you are, you have to come back. I know you can do it, I know that you will. Just try." Hand caress.

"Perhaps it's easier to stay there. Perhaps you want to stay in your head, safe and sound from the reality. I can understand that. Life is not a bed of roses, I know everything about it. But there are moments worth living for. We experienced them. Together." Voice break. "And there is so much more out there, waiting for us to reach out and grasp it all. The graduation was just the beginning. New York… just a taste. Your future didn't end in that damn alley."

"You wouldn't believe that, but there are people waiting for you. Your incredible parents, your adorable little brother, our amazing friends… me." Pang in the heart. "If you can't return for us, then return for your dream. You wanted to conquer the world. Well, it is here, behind the veil. Come and get it. The Santana I know would do that. The Santana I know can't be stopped, or hold back. The Santana I know doesn't give up. No matter what obstacles stand in the way."

"Remember, you are not alone. You might have lost your way, but you are not lost. Not to me, not to your loved ones. I'm with you. We all are. So hold on to us, as we hold on to you. And wake up."

Quinn looked up at the computer graphs. There was no change.


	6. Be Still

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** "Be Still" belongs to The Fray.  
>  The poem "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" was written by Dylan Thomas.

________________________________________

The time was passing slowly, from day to day. Quinn got used to her new routine based on moving between the bookshop, Santana's place, and her own house. Occasionally she met glee friends and took walks around her favorite places, recalling high school memories. 

A few days after the Breadstix meeting, Rachel came to Lima. They spent time visiting each other and sitting beside Santana. Quinn enjoyed the company because the brunette was unusually composed and did not try to cheer her up at all costs. In addition, she shared what the life in New York looked like and what was happening in the apartment, making her involuntarily smile.

More and more people were coming through Santana's room. The old glee clubbers, who were in that time in town, were unexpectedly turning up at different hours, leaving cards and flowers despite the fact that Santana couldn't see them. Finn showed up with Kurt, which Quinn considered comforting especially seeing how troubled the tall boy seemed. Puck brought his brother and Marley, even Will and Emma dropped by to talk with Santana's parents. The most surprising visit was Sue's. When Quinn looked up from her book to see the woman standing in the doors, her eyebrows raised unimaginably high.

"Ah, Q. Why I am not surprised to see you here." She stated, rather than asked, and looked around the room, frowning. The blonde was too shocked to move from the armchair.

"Coach Sylvester? I didn't know you were coming."

"I would have probably turned up sooner if not for my skepticism that anyone was able to lay a scratch on this girl." Her expression was bitter as she examined Santana and machines next to her. "When I heard about it, I thought that there was no way that it was the Santana Lopez I know. No freaking way." 

Quinn looked at the hand she was holding, fully comprehending the woman's words. One can never predict the misfortune until it strikes, particularly those people who seem to be invincible.

"You know Fabray, you were the best captain that I'd known and a very extraordinary person. But the same I can say about your… friend? Rival?" Sue knitted eyebrows, glancing at Quinn questioningly. 

"To be honest, I could never make out your relationship. You weren't allies, you weren't enemies, I've never seen anything like it." She paused and stared into space. "Yet, you were the best what that pathetic excuse of an educational institution could ever offer. Especially together, which makes it quite ironic. Looking now at what is happening at McKinley's, I must confess that it was truly a blessing to tutor such co-captains like you two." 

Quinn remained silent, feeling a bit affected by the coach's declaration. The woman sighed and placed a box on the nightstand.

"What is that?"

"Don't give me that suspicious look, Q. The box is for our sleeping princess. It contains the gold coaching whistle, one of the awards I've received for my first national championship. In my field of work it is a symbol of victory, determination, and difficult labor. The myth says that it should be passed over to another champion but I have no plans to give up the title. There is no reason for letting it dust, so I could as well hand it over. Tell Santana that she's welcome." 

The young woman watched astonished as Sue walked to the doors and faced her one more time.

"Make sure she wakes up, Quinn. Neither she, nor you should stay in this town." Having said that, she left.

________________________________________

Although there was nothing optimistic in staying with a comatose person, Quinn liked being in Santana's room. She kept herself busy by reading, chatting with Andrés and his parents, listening to music. Most of all, she talked to the girl. About Yale, her over-spirited roommate, classes, and teachers. About their shared memories, good and bad times, or silly situations, reflecting upon them. For the first time, Quinn spoke her thoughts honestly, feeling how liberating it was. Every now and then she read aloud the favored works from her anthology, taking advantage of silence.

Having known that her mother had gone to visit the relatives, she stayed for the dinner that Santana's parents offered. She had forgotten the family gatherings and sitting with the household members, conversing on random topics felt good. Afterwards, the blonde insisted on helping with the dishes as she and Mrs. Lopez chatted in the kitchen.

"You have a lovely family, ma'am. Santana was lucky to have grown up in such a good environment." Quinn spoke, putting the plates away.

"Thank you. Family was always important to me and to David, where we came from it bears a great value. We are trying to maintain it the best we can."

"Well, you are doing more than fine. Nowadays it is a rare sight." 

The woman looked at her sadly and patted her shoulder.

"I am truly sorry that you were not so fortunate. Some people are not suitable to become the head of the family. Russell was never a… congenial person."

"I'm just happy that he is out of my and my mom's life. We started over and it is far better than everything I went through when he was around. Sometimes I wonder what my life would look like if I had a home like yours, but it doesn't matter now." She looked back at Valeria, a small smile on her lips.

"Family is not the only factor that influences person's life. We struggled to teach Tana morals and some principles in general, yet you have seen her spiteful demeanor probably too many times." She sighed. "I wonder after whom she took that fiery nature." 

Quinn chuckled. "Trust me when I say that we all have a side that we do not want to show. In this, me and Santana are not so different. She's not a bad person, though. I suppose that time brings wisdom and change of perspectives."

They made tea and Mrs. Lopez started baking her chocolate cookies that Quinn remembered from the freshman year. The laughter and music were coming from the common room, where David played with Andrés.

"Considering how provincial and biased this town is, I wonder how did you… accept Santana's coming out? She didn't tell me much." She asked curiously, sipping from the cup. The woman giggled.

"If you are asking how we reacted, then I was not shocked. Of course I wanted grandkids, but there is always an adoption or medical procedures. David said something along the lines 'at least she won't get pregnant too early'. With all due respect to you." The Latina apologized and Quinn shook her head in acceptance. "She even talked with Andy but you know how kids are. They don't judge or mind such matters." She continued, mixing the indigents in the bowl.

"You were not surprised at all?" The pale girl questioned and Mrs. Lopez faced her.

"A mother always knows her children. Besides my daughter's obviousness, I must say that you somewhat exposed her."

Quinn frowned confused. "Me?" 

"Oh, yes. I recall when San brought you here for the first time. When she thought no one was watching, she sometimes gave you that look which was very unequivocal." The blonde instantly felt her cheeks burn. "She could as well write on her forehead 'I like cheerleaders.' Naturally she tried not to stare but she failed miserably. Not to mention all those fights and disagreements. There is a saying, 'The quarrels of lovers are the renewal of love.' Not a surprise there, you are a beautiful girl."

"Uhm, thank you." With embarrassment all over her face, Quinn cleaned up the rubbish from the kitchen counter.

"Don't act flustered honey, you must have noticed at some point. Anyhow, neither I nor David has a problem with Santana's sexuality. I only wish that abuela would see reason and reconcile with her. San took it really hard, she used to be so close to her." The woman declared wistfully. "She has been ignoring Tana ever since, she doesn't even want to visit. I don't know what to do anymore. If current situation does not affect her, nothing will."

Quinn listened carefully and considered her words. She knew how it felt to be disowned. Her situation could not be entirely fixed anymore, but Santana's still had a chance.

________________________________________

"Do not go gentle into that good night,  
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;  
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.  
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,  
Because their words had forked no lightning they  
Do not go gentle into that good night.  
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright – " 

Quinn stopped reading, feeling a presence in the room. She looked up from the book only to see Brittany standing stiffly near the doors.

"Hello, Quinn. Am I interrupting?" She asked, her face twisted with worry and uncertainty.

"Hi. No, please come in. It's nice that you've decided to arrive." 

The tall dancer moved through the room to sit down on the chair opposite to Quinn. She looked around, examining the medical devices and Santana's motionless form.

"They let me out just for a few days. I have to go back soon." Her face scrunched up. "I didn't know it looked so bad. Why is she like that?"

"I wish I knew. Apparently something somewhere has gone wrong." Quinn answered, touching gently cool fingers.

"Maybe she just needs some rest. Is she gonna wake up?" Brittany leant towards the Latina's body.

"I… yes." She wanted to take it for granted, however, she could not help but also had in mind the alternative versions which Brittany did not need to know.

"When? Did she tell you?" Her blue eyes looked at her perplexedly.

"I don't know. Nobody does. It's all up to her."

"Oh. Then she will wake up when she wants, no worries." 

Quinn instantly scowled, watching as the other blonde stared thoughtlessly at Santana.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when San is ready, she will return from her trip to the land of fairies, I'm sure. And we shouldn't be sad." 

Upon hearing Brittany's reply, she stood up and took her things.

"That doesn't mean we should not support her." Her voice was firm.

"She is sleeping and there is nothing we can do, right?"

"That doesn't mean we should not support her!" Quinn repeated and left the house without any attention, feeling how tense her muscles were from unrest.

________________________________________

She called Puck who had texted her earlier and met him around the football pitch. They grabbed drinks, and after pointless wandering settled down on the stands' benches. It was the middle of June and the sun was high, the air warm, and the wind soft. Quinn adjusted her shorts, pulling legs to the sunlight with a heavy sigh. Puck was absentmindedly crumpling his can, eyes fixed on the strangely empty field.

"It's good I've returned here. I mean, everyone always said that Lima sucks, but truth to be told, nothing out there is better or easier. At least not for me." The blonde glanced at him in consideration. "California, college… none of it sounds right." He stated, frowning.

"You will find your place, sooner or later. Everyone searches for it, we are still young and there is time for making decisions or making mistakes."

"Says the Yale girl." Puck chuckled, ruffling her hair. Quinn smiled and slapped his hand away. His presence was refreshing. 

"There is something that I might take up. Recently, I've been around the football team, helping a bit coach Beiste. She said that I could work as her assistant. I just need to finish some courses or whatever, and then I would, you know, start as a professional." He confessed rather proudly.

"Puck, that's good news! You could do something with it later, maybe take the team over. That's great." She patted his back with appreciation.

"I still haven't decided. Hell, I practically told no one. I wanted to throw a party, but knowing that Santana…" There was a pause as he looked down at his boots. Quinn's smile fell. "It doesn't feel right to do that when she is like that. I want my lesbro to drink and party with me."

"I want her back, too. There is not a day that goes by that I don't wish she finally woke up. And it has been only three weeks, even less." She muttered, not looking at him.

"She will come back, I know she will. She's the most badass, tough person in the world, apart from you." Puck bumped her arm and Quinn embraced him, leaning against his chest.

"She is."

________________________________________

Quinn was not sure whether what she was doing was a good idea. She had made the decision on the spur of the moment, thinking that there was no harm in trying, yet the outcome might make things worse. Sitting in the car, she looked at the building which address she had hardly found. She walked to the doors and hesitantly knocked, there was no turning back. After a moment, she faced the elderly woman of stern, wrinkled expression, dark eyes, and graying hair. Quinn felt her knees going weak, nonetheless she send her the friendliest look.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Lopez. My name is Quinn Fabray, I'm Santana's friend. May I speak with you for a few minutes?" 

The woman knitted her brows, clearly displeased. "I know who you are, young lady. I believe we have nothing to talk about."

"Oh, we certainly do." Quinn smirked slyly and passed her in the doorstep, barging in the house.

"This is outrageous! You need to leave or I will call the police!" She pointed at the doors, yet the blonde stood adamantly in the hallway.

"With all due respect, I'm not leaving until you realize that Santana is your granddaughter and you should be by her side."

"Santana chose to disrespect me, she's no longer a part of the family." The woman's voice was solemn and her eyes indifferent.

"Her parents think otherwise. San chose this as much as she chose her appearance, she was born like this. It was you who made a choice to disown her. You're supposed to love her no matter what as you did years ago because she's still the same girl you raised and nothing would ever change that."

"You apparently have no idea what values are, considering your teen pregnancy. If Santana had regarded her family as she was taught, she would have never acted the way she did." 

Quinn clenched her jaw in attempt to cool her nerves.

"Love and support make a family, not a set of old-fashioned rules. She still cared for you when you deliberately hurt her. Although it is you who should be apologizing, San was waiting for your forgiveness. She did nothing wrong and yet you punish her for being honest even now, not caring about her current state."

"Everything about it is wrong. She should have kept her honesty to herself. There is always a price for one's actions." Mrs. Lopez said, crossing her arms on the chest. Quinn shook her head in incredulity.

"A person is so much more than sexuality. No one should be judged or hated for whom they love. You may not approve of Santana's lifestyle, but it is a human thing to be there for her, especially considering your blood relation. She almost died and now she's in a coma. It's a chance to make amends for your wrongdoing, whether you acknowledge it or not." 

The woman opened the doors with a stark face. "I think it's time for you to leave, miss."

"I will see myself out, thank you. It seems that some people are beyond redemption." 

On the threshold, the blonde turned towards the elder brunette and gave her the best glare she could make. 

"Perhaps you were right to discard her. Santana doesn't need such relatives in her life."

________________________________________

Quinn returned home at late evening, unsure whether she felt worse or better than the day before. She engaged in housework, reluctant to make any social activities. In complete silence, she was organizing her room until she heard the knock on the doors.

"Quinn, are you okay? You have been distant the entire day." Judy stood on the doorstep, evident worry in her eyes.

"I'm fine. Just not feeling particularly sociable." She answered, going through the books. Her mother sat down on the bed, near her.

"Has there been any change?"

"No."

"Do you want to talk about it? I can see how hard it is for you." The woman observed as she looked up and sat down beside her.

"I don't know what to say. I don't know anything anymore." She replied, staring into space. There was a moment of utter quietness, before she continued. "I'm scared. Terrified, that it will be always like this. Whenever I go to bed, I just hope that she will still be there when I wake up. Every time I visit, I don't know if I'm relieved that she's alive or upset that nothing has changed. Each day is like sitting on a ticking bomb, waiting for the decisive call. And I'm not certain how long I can be like that." 

Her soul was mending only to disintegrate over and over again. Her heart was burning out from anxiety. Her mind was filled with pleading wishes, future plans, and unfulfilled promises. All of it was exhausting.

"It feels as trying to light a fire in the rain. Or struggling to look at the sun. Hearing a recognizable melody but not knowing where it is coming from or why it sounds familiar. It is all there, but at the same time it isn't. It's…slipping away. Everything is moving around and I'm standing still. She's standing still." 

Judy hugged her close and smoothed the blonde hair.

"You are not allowed to think that. Don't trust your premonitions, nothing is set in stone. The moment you doubt is the moment you lose faith. And when you lose faith, you will lose her."

________________________________________

Another week went by. Quinn desperately was doing her best to avoid going numb, however, with every visit it was getting more difficult. She began relying on Andrés's trust behind his smile, Valeria's hope behind her eyes, David's conviction behind his work. They were uplifting, and every time she witnessed them, it brought her a bit of peace.

At the sunny afternoon, she was sitting in the armchair with a book, although she was not reading it. The window was fully open and she stared at the garden which beautifully blossomed through the past months. It wasn't big because of the pool located near the terrace, yet Quinn enjoyed observing the various flowers and shrubs entangling the fences. The green, freshly cut lawn was glistening in the sun and the tree leaves were rustling on the breeze. She could feel summer on her skin without leaving the room.

"Hi, can we come in?" 

She turned around to notice Kurt with Blaine and rolled her eyes.

"Why are you asking me for permission? I'm just a guest." 

They sat down on the couch by the wall.

"Yes, but you seemed a little absorbed there. We didn't want to disturb you."

"It's fine. Nice of you to come again. Seeing people visit is kind of heart-warming." She smiled politely at them.

"Actually, we came to say goodbye. We're leaving soon to New York and we wanted to see you two before we head out." Blaine answered apologetically. 

Quinn nodded. "Right, you should enjoy your holidays while you can." 

They exchanged glances and Kurt stood up to move near bed.

"How are you doing?" 

She shrugged in response. 

"And how is she doing?" 

She shrugged again. 

"I hate to say this because I know how it feels, but… it's gonna be okay." He looked at her warily, sadness in his eyes. Quinn's hazel ones stung with pooling tears.

"I know. It's… I just got her back. I just got one of my oldest friends back. Only to lose her again." She paused, staring at Santana's profile. "She promised to spend holidays together. Here, New York… she said she would show me the best spots, museums, events. We even placed a bet who would buy more clothes." Corners of her mouth curled up in recollection. Kurt looked at her with affection and sympathy.

"Rachel might be oblivious as they come, but… I know how you, or at least Santana, have been for the past months. I know that you have got closer. I know about the non-wedding." Quinn was ready to interrupt, but he persisted. "She did not tell me anything, I kinda figured it out. You don't have to explain yourself to me." 

Blaine was eyeing them curiously from the couch. Apparently Kurt was not a gossiping type, for which Quinn felt grateful. The brunet glanced at Santana, his face was gentle.

"I don't want to assume that I got everything right. I've only watched how she acted and she's pretty crazy about you, you know. You should have seen her face when she was texting. Or her glances during the spring break." The ex-Warbler raised eyebrows while the blonde's eyes slightly widened. "Maybe I'm wrong, yet I feel that you are special to each other. Anyhow, you both deserve to be happy. And I hope that all of this will end soon so that you could be." 

Quinn stood up and embraced him lovingly, feeling out of words.

"Of course, you did not hear this from me. God forbid that someone thinks Santana cares." Kurt added, and they exchanged smiles. "We will be in touch. You can call me or Blaine anytime." He declared.

"What he said. I am not sure what's exactly going on, but you have our full support. There is a chance we will return here by the end of summer. So bye for now." Blaine hugged her and they left, closing the doors behind them.

She sat down again, leaning her elbows on the knees. It felt strange and good at the same time, hearing Kurt's point of view. Knowing that Santana was fond of her, despite their differences. She looked at her sleeping figure and stroked the dark waves of hair.

"We should be leaving to New York as they are. I wanted to tell you that I've passed my exams, at worst this worked out according to our plans." Quinn sighed, sliding her fingers down Santana's arm to stop at her hand. "You would probably get mad that I'm here every day instead of savoring the summer sun. However, I'm not going anywhere. It's the least I can do until I have to go back to New Haven. I am here." She whispered.

The blonde looked out the window and saw the sun shining through the passing clouds. All of a sudden, she remembered the song that someone in the next room was constantly playing when she had been held in the hospital. Recalling the words, she sang softly.

"If you forget the way to go  
And lose where you came from  
If no one is standing beside you  
Be still and know I am  
Be still and know that I'm with you  
Be still and know I am" 

________________________________________

June was relentlessly coming to an end. Having read that usually it took from four to eight weeks for people in coma to wake up, Quinn hopefully waited. She transformed her pessimism into solid patience which was shared with people around her. Andrés became her favorite sibling to spend time with. The boy was not only incredibly similar to Santana both in appearance and personality, additionally he possessed quite some insight on many matters. They read together, viewed photos, and shared stories from school. He was also affectionate and Quinn could not help but smile as he was goodbye hugging her or kissing Santana's forehead when leaving the room.

Almost every week their families gathered for dinner, followed by some table games and a chosen movie. Having won over every person, Andrés demanded getting a prize in form of selecting a musical and a bowl of caramel popcorn. Everyone settled on the couch in the common room and enjoyed the evening, humming the famous melodies. Holding the boy on her lap, Quinn came to the conclusion that all of it was what home looked like. She only wished that one more person were there with her.

The next day she stopped by Santana's house after her afternoon shift, bringing a bunch of irises. When the doors opened, Quinn almost dropped the flowers. Mrs. Lopez was in tears, her face expressed utter shock and disbelief. The blonde immediately looked in the direction of the room, her blood running cold. Before she could utter anything, the woman embraced her.

"You will never believe what happened." 

Quinn was calmed down upon hearing the joy in her voice. When she looked back at the Latina, she saw her beaming.

"Is San…?" The gleam of hope was crushed inside her, seeing Mrs. Lopez shaking her head.

"No, but she has a guest. Come in, you have to see this." 

She quietly led her to the door ajar and the girl peeked into the room.

Santana's grandmother was sitting beside the bed in silent contemplation. Quinn smiled at the sight.


	7. Here With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Sonnet 145 was written by William demigod Shakespeare.  
>  Italics for flashback.

________________________________________

Quinn was sitting on the couch in Santana's room with a very bored Andrés leaning against her arm. Mrs. Lopez had asked her to watch the boy while she went to the grocery store and the blonde was waiting for her return. Afterwards, she was expected to meet her friends in U7, one of the very few entertainment locals offering bowling and snooker. She was engrossed in reading her newest collection of sonnets when Andy switched off his PSP console and looked at her with large, chocolate eyes.

"Whatcha readin'?" He asked, peeking at the book cover.

"Poetry. Do you want me to read something to you?" They boy nodded enthusiastically and she turned a few pages to find the particular work.

"Those lips that Love's own hand did make,  
Breathed forth the sound that said 'I hate',  
To me that languished for her sake:  
But when she saw my woeful state,  
Straight in her heart did mercy come,  
Chiding that tongue that ever sweet  
Was used in giving gentle doom;  
And taught it thus anew to greet;  
'I hate' she altered with an end,  
That followed it as gentle day,  
Doth follow night, who like a fiend  
From heaven to hell is flown away.  
'I hate', from hate away she threw,  
And saved my life, saying 'not you'." 

Andrés frowned in confusion. "I don't understand."

Quinn smiled gently, smoothing his locks. "One day you will. I hope though, that you won't have to go through something similar or ever experience hate in relationships." 

He glanced in the direction of the bed and back at her while she was checking her phone messages.

"Do you love her?" Quinn looked up at his curious expression. "Do you love my sister?" Andrés repeated, and she was taken aback. 

This was a simple question, yet to her it had countless layers of possible answers. She pondered upon it, trying to solve her feelings.

"I do. We've been through so much and she is a huge part of my life. I believe that she became one of my few closest people, despite our stormy past. So generally, yeah, I think I do." Quinn said after a while, sensing that it was the most adequate reply she could give.

"Good. You can marry Santana and become my family. I would marry you, but I'm too young." He shrugged, making her chuckle.

"I don't have to marry anyone to stay in touch with you, Andy."

"Yeah, but you would be my other sis or something. That'd be cool." His beaming smile won her over.

"How about this. I promise to keep in touch so that we will always be best friends, even when I'm away. What do you think?" Quinn smirked affectionately at him.

"Pinky promise?" Andrés lifted his little finger, with which she intertwined hers.

"Pinky promise."

"Awesome. Now reads me some more weird words so I can get smart and show off to the neighbors' kid." The boy ordered, taking Quinn's book.

________________________________________

In the evening, she was picked up by Puck and they drove to the place where the others were waiting. It was pretty cameral – the music played softly in the background, the lights were dimmed, and apart from their little group consisting of Finn, Sam, Mercedes, Tina, Puck and herself, there were almost no people. Boys wasted no time to order them beers and check the bowling track. They sat at the table nearby, raising the toast to their meetings and dreams. Quinn silently observed from the chair as they played, laughed, and argued. As much as she loved them all, she did not feel like having fun. She made an effort to forget about the world just for this evening, and all she got was the feeling of emptiness. One could fool the mind, but never the heart. And hers was recalling the careless moments of spring.

________________________________________  
  
The beginning of April in New York was a chilly one. The sky was cloudless and there was no wind, yet the sun warmed no one. Quinn was strolling down the Central Park hand in hand with Santana, after a busy morning spent in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. On the first day, she had been dragged around Broadway by Rachel, and afterwards Santana insisted that she had better predispositions to play the guide and show Quinn the most important sights. The blonde was actually surprised that Santana tried to adapt to her interests and took her to the MET. She was even more shocked that the brunette had followed her silently and had not complained at all, despite the obvious boredom on her face.

"Where are you taking me now?" 

They were going through the labyrinth of lanes surrounded by green trees. Quinn could not help but admire the surroundings.

"One of my favorite spots in the park. It's amazing and pretty close to the museum so I thought that we could kill two birds with one stone. Just watch out for squirrels, they can be vicious little bastards." 

The blonde shook her head, smiling. "Who knew that Santana Lopez is such a nature lover."

"Shut it, Fabray. I just have a few places to clear my head. You would need one too if you lived with those musical queens." She frowned, yet the corners of her mouth were curled up.

They arrived at the largest lake and Santana started playing ducks and drakes, observing how the stones skipped along the water surface. Quinn leant against the handrail beside her.

"Thank you for today. For taking me to the museum, it was marvelous. You didn't have to go with me, I know this is not your thing." 

The brunette faced her, fixing her curls. "This isn't about me. You are our guest, you wanted to see the city, and I am that awesome to show you around. Hummelberry are hopeless when it comes to such stuff."

"Anyway, thanks. It's better than wandering alone." She smiled gently at the Latina who smiled back.

"You're welcome. This isn't the end of the day, or the week, though. Come on, I'm starving."

"Oh, you have something else planned?"

"Wait and see." She answered, smirking.

Santana led her through the park to the small café located at the corner. She opened the doors, encouraging her to enter. Quinn looked around the place, instantly loving its coziness. It was a two-floored cafeteria combined with reading rooms. Various furniture and bookcases stood around the area which was designed to offer privacy thanks to many corners and booths. Everything looked like a mixture of Starbucks and bookstore.

"It's wonderful. How did you find it?" The blonde asked, sitting down at the isolated table.

"Accidentally. I kinda got lost once and when I passed this place, I thought you would like it. Nerdy, don't you think?" She teased, showing her dimples.

Having eaten a quick lunch, Santana gave her a tour in the fashion district where they fooled around, trying on everything that caught their eyes. Before they realized, it was already a late afternoon and the journey to Bushwick was a long one. Quinn was enjoying the brunette's attention, her talkativeness and wit, since the girl was laughing with her rather than at her. She couldn't quite comprehend what had changed between them, nonetheless, she realized that it was a good change.

"I missed you." She blurted out, standing in front of the apartment doors. Santana turned towards her, a gradual smile appearing on her lips.

"I missed you too, Q." 

None of them mentioned that they were constantly communicating for the past weeks through the phone or the Internet. Quinn examined her face carefully and she could swear that the other girl was blushing. She was on the point of asking her about it when the doors suddenly opened, making them face annoyed Kurt.

"There you are! I've been calling you two since the afternoon, where are your – " He paused abruptly, eyeing them with narrowed eyes. "Did I interrupt something?" 

Santana rolled her eyes and stepped into the room, ignoring him.

They sat down to dinner and Quinn was extensively interrogated by Rachel about her day. Santana's roommates shared the surprise that she had been civil, at what the said brunette scoffed.

"When I'm a bitch, everyone complains. When I'm nice, nobody believes. I can't win."

"Well, excuse us if we find it odd, given the fact that we are talking here about Quinn. You know, the blonde you fought on every occasion with?" Rachel pointed out, glancing between them.

"So? I hated you too, I still sometimes do, and here we are, living together. Not to mention that I've known Q way longer than any of you. We're besties for life." Santana replied, nudging Quinn who nodded when the two pairs of curious eyes landed on her. Kurt raised his eyebrow but said nothing, while Rachel smiled at them, noticeably pleased.

"I'm glad we are all friends and we are here together. We should celebrate! Any ideas?" She asked excitedly. 

The brunet instantly got animated. "I know exactly where to go."

"Please, no karaoke bars." Santana whined, and he smiled wider.

"Cloud Nine, bitches!" Kurt exclaimed, raising his hands in the air. The Latina's expression turned from terrified to furious.

"NO! No, no, no! We're not going there, no way!" She stood up, yelling.

"But Santanaaaa…"

"NO! No fucking way." She crossed her arms on the chest, shaking her head in disapproval.

"This is actually a good idea. My classmates will be there tonight, it will be fun!" Rachel cut in, and Kurt eagerly nodded. Quinn observed everything with interest.

"What's a Cloud Nine?" 

"Oh, it's a bar. Pretty good one. The music is not bad, the drinks are cheap, people are really nice, lots of place for dancing, and it's one of the few bars with open door policy or rather accepting everyone –"

"It's a gay bar." Santana interrupted him, scowling.

"That's not entirely accurate. Everyone hangs out there, it's just a tip-top spot. Come on, you know that they arrange the best dances."

"It will be appropriate to ask our guest where she wants to go, won't it?" The tan girl turned towards her with pleading look, similar to the one Kurt had, but of different reasoning.

"It sounds nice, I guess. I don't know the city, so it's pretty much your choice." Quinn shrugged and Santana hid her face in hands.

"Great! Let's get ready then!" He stood up, going to his area. 

Rachel smirked at the other brunette, making her glare. "You don't want to go because your lovely admirer might be there!" 

"Huh?" The blonde settled her eyes on Santana who groaned.

"You wanted to say creepy stalker! Don't even start, okay? God, what's with you straight people and gay bars, like there was no other place to go."

"What admirer?" Quinn looked expectantly at Rachel, feeling suddenly edgy. The Latina covered her face again.

"Apparently, Santana has caught the eye of the local girl."

"Girl? She's a vulture, that what she is. Let's drop it. Berry, shouldn't you be making yourself scarce for your bunch of gay NYADA friends?" She asked angrily and Rachel sighed, leaving the kitchen. 

The blonde put away the dishes, glancing at the vexed girl. "What should I wear?"

"Something sexy!" Came the reply from Kurt's room and Santana immediately fumed.

"God, no! Just… casually. It's chilly so don't wear anything revealing. Keep it simple, like you were going out with your friends for a drink. Because we are." She answered nervously and Quinn had to resist giggling. "Let me just grab some clothes and I'm off to the bathroom, you can change in my room."

When Santana closed the door, she opened her suitcase, going through the clothes. Having settled on her usual style, she dressed up in a mid-knee skirt, tights, clingy top, and a short jacket. Everything in green-black colors, matching her dark leather boots. 

She was waiting outside the bathroom to freshen up and fix her hair when Santana exited and Quinn found herself involuntarily staring. She was wearing very skinny black jeans, loose tank top with a low cut on the back, and a feminine tie. Her hair was messily swept on the side, and the only makeup she had, was a dark matte eye shadow. The blonde couldn't help but to think fleetingly that if Santana looked like that all time, it would be a challenge to keep their one-night stand the only one. She smirked boastfully, seeing that the brunette herself was quite not done checking her out.

"Do you like what you see?" She dared to ask, feeling flattered, for Santana rarely gazed appreciatively at anyone, especially at her. 

Her breath hitched as the other girl finally met her eyes. The dark orbs were swirling with something wild and sensual as she nodded. Quinn entered the bathroom to hide her flushing cheeks.

A few minutes later, they were on their way to the bar, which was still pestering Santana since she was arguing with Kurt. Quinn looped arm around hers to calm her down and smiled, noticing that she stopped bickering, settling only on sending him glares. 

The bar was located in the friendly midtown district and it looked welcoming. There were no crowds, everyone appeared to be amicable, and the music wasn't loud. They sat down in the corner and Rachel went to find her friends. Santana looked around anxiously and turned towards them.

"Okay, I'm gonna get us some drinks. Stay put." 

Quinn observed how she pushed through the people to disappear near the bar. When she faced Kurt, he was already chatting with some gelled guy. She began scrutinizing the place and someone tapped her on the shoulder. It was a girl around her age, with short brown hair, blue eyes and incredibly pale carnation.

"Hi there. You must be new here, I would remember such face.” Her voice was high and she spoke rapidly. “Sorry, that was lame." The girl quickly added and Quinn tried to crack a smile because she seemed nice.

"Uhm, yes, I'm not from New York. I came with my friends who live here." 

The girl glanced around, ignoring Kurt. "Well, I do not see your friends. Will they mind if I join you?" 

Before she could respond, the loud sound of glasses placed on the surface startled them both.

"They do fucking mind." Santana faced the girl, her best malevolent expression ready to crush her down. "Back off and find yourself another blondie. This one is straight."

"I just wanted to talk, chill out. Straight?" The girl looked at Quinn and shook her head. "What a pity."

"I know, right? Now move, Cindy, before it gets nasty." Santana crossed her arms, waiting for the scowling girl to leave.

"I'm Stacy."

"Whatever, get lost!" 

The girl glanced at the blonde one last time and vanished between the people. Santana snarled, sitting down beside impressed Quinn. 

"Ugh, I knew it. Sorry about that, they always pull out such stunts seeing someone new." She passed her a glass.

"It's fine." She neglect to comment how hot and flattering Santana acted. "Does this happen often?"

"Not particularly, but when someone like you shows up, well… you know." She broke off, sipping from her glass. Quinn grinned, deciding to amuse herself.

"No I don't. What do you mean someone like me?" She bit her lip and the brunette coughed.

"You know, people… not local. Mannered. Nerdy-looking. Nicely dressed. That kind of stuff." 

The blonde was certain that Santana was misleading, but she didn't press further. Kurt was long gone in the crowd while Rachel introduced them to a few people from NYADA, who appeared to be really pleasant. They talked for some time and Quinn had to focus on what they were discussing because the Latina's glances were rather distracting. Ultimately, she faced her with unspoken question and Santana took her hand.

"Come, I want to show you something." She pulled her from the couch and led to the other part of the bar. 

They passed the dancing floor and tables to stop by the north wall, where stood the old, giant, jukebox. Quinn smiled, examining the machine.

"Is that… ?"

"Yep. A vintage jukebox. It doesn't work, though." The brunette replied.

"I've never seen any in my life."

"Same here. I was surprised to spot it in such place." 

"My, my, isn't that my favorite gorgeous Latina." 

An unfamiliar voice reached them, which made Santana grimace. They turned around to see a tall, curvy girl with platinum hair, dark eyes, and full lips. Quinn would judge her as a model if not for her obscene clothes.

"Tiffany. What a doubtfully pleasant surprise." Santana muttered through clenched teeth. 

"I haven't seen you for ages, dear! I hope you weren't avoiding me, were you?" She asked sweetly and Quinn felt disgusted, despite Tiffany's beauty.

"Of course not. I was busy." The brunette sent her the fakest of smiles, leaning closer towards Quinn.

"And who's that, Rosario?" Tiffany stared at the other blonde, who widened her eyes upon hearing the name. Santana nonchalantly embraced her.

"That's my girl, Emily. Isn't she lovely?" 

Quinn felt herself choking on the inside. The woman's face momentarily fell.

"I see. You didn't tell me you have someone." She declared in a low tone.

"Oh, Emily is my very recent object of affection. We met on Valentine's Day, how romantic is that? The fate clearly brought us together. And I just couldn't resist her charms." Santana acted brilliantly, not missing a beat. Quinn was observing everything in silence, feeling simultaneously shocked, embarrassed, and strangely pleased.

"In that case, I wish you luck. Now if you excuse me, I think I saw a friend." Tiffany took off without a second glance, and Santana heavily sighed, beaming.

"Thank the Lord. She may finally give up." 

Quinn chuckled. "Let me guess, that was your creepy stalker."

"I told ya. That girl was harassing me from the beginning. I knew straightaway that she was fishy, but nothing I said to her was actually working." She brought her free hand to sweep the blonde hair from her hazel eyes, smirking. "You, my dear Emily, are a lifesaver." 

There was a definite blush on Quinn's face which deepened when she noticed that Santana did not pull her hand away from her waist. She thanked the heavens for the dimmed lights.

"Now as we are past the drama, we can dance." Santana smiled cheekily, pulling her on the dance floor. 

The blonde laughed, seeing the other girl lip-syncing to the song and moving to the beat. She leant forwards, in the heat of the moment, catching her attention.

"I must say, I like this look on you, Rosario." 

The Latina met her eyes, the corners of her mouth lifting in amusement. "You don't say." 

Quinn nodded in reply, and overwhelmed by boldness, grabbed her tie.

"I like this. Not everyone can bring off such style." 

The movement was too fast for her to be completely certain, yet she suspected that Santana had glimpsed at her lips.

They danced the evening away, singing along to the songs, and losing themselves to the music, which most of the time was fairly dirty. Nonetheless, none of them seemed to care, having too much fun. Santana was keeping her close, having stated that it was to withhold people from harassing them.

They went back to the table exhausted, and the brunette excused herself to the bathroom. Quinn was sure that she was smiling from ear to ear, feeling incredibly high from everything around her. She sat down and watered her dry throat, relaxing from the activity. Kurt approached her, flushed himself, his eyes full of insight.

"Please, limit your eye-sexing, ladies. If Rach notices, and even she would after a closer observation, we will never hear the end of this." He stated, looking for his glass. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Kurt." Quinn answered, leaning her head against the high couch backrest.

"Right. You have no idea, neither do I. I'm saying this for your own good. We might be in a gay bar, but keep it PG in a public space." 

The blonde rolled her eyes and frowned, seeing Santana coming with their things.

"Dress up, we're leaving."

She eyed her confused. "We are?" 

"If you are going to the apartment, please stay in your room, would you?" Kurt broke in, looking between them. "I'd not survive walking in on you going at it on the kitchen counter." 

The blonde's cheeks turned scarlet while Santana knitted her eyebrows.

"Are you drunk?" She asked, examining his face. "Never mind, I don't want to know. Don't forget to take Berry with you when you're done making out with random dudes." 

They left without listening to his protests.

Quinn wrapped tighter the scarf around her neck and hid hands in the coat pockets, feeling how colder it was after sunset. The city was as awake as during the rush-hours, brightened with artificial lights, breathing life and noise. People crowded the streets, moving from building to building in pairs, groups, or solo.

"S, where are we going?" She glanced at Santana who was walking a step before her. The brunette slightly tilted head in her direction, sending a smirk.

"You will see when we get there. It's not far from here." 

Quinn sighed in defense, deciding to absorb the Big Apple as much as she could. 

After another ten minutes, Santana stopped on the sidewalk, signaling her to look up. The blonde realized that they were standing in front of the entrance to the Empire State Building. She stared back at her, unable to repress the smile.

"Are you serious?"

"You haven't truly seen New York if you didn't see it at night." 

They entered the hallway and the brunette went straight to the elevators. Quinn caught her wrist, pointing at the cashiers.

"Wait, what about the tickets?" 

Santana opened her purse to take out two receipts. The blonde widened her eyes in awe.

"The best thing? No lines. We're going straight to the top observatory." She waved the papers in her hand.

"What? How?"

"What can I say, I'm awesome like that. Come on."

Quinn shook her head, doubting the reality of this situation. 

They took the elevators to the highest deck and went outside on the circular platform secured by high glass. The view was spectacular. She felt her heart stop upon observing the whole city below them, and it never looked more glorious in her eyes. It was odd to perceive such concrete jungle as beautiful or magnificent, yet there were no other words to describe the art hidden in those skyscrapers, bridges, towers, buildings, and streets. Standing by the transparent walls, Quinn looked at the girl next to her. Santana was staring at the sight in front of them, deep in thought.

"Sometimes I find it hard to believe such place exists. And the fact that I, girl from Ohio, live here. It's so strange and exciting at the same time." She declared over the noise and turned towards her.

"I know what you mean. I can't express how touched I am. Thank you for taking me here, I will never forget it." Quinn smiled at Santana, taking in everything around them. 

She gazed into her impossible dark eyes, seeing how the city lights were twinkling in those mysterious pools. This time, she was positive that the brunette glanced at her lips, lingering longer than she had probably intended. Santana unexpectedly smirked and the moment was gone.

"You are so easy to please, Fabray." She chuckled under her breath and Quinn raised an eyebrow, cracking a very wicked smile.

"Judging by that hotel night, I would say it's the other way around." The tan girl's jaw dropped and closed in a silent response. "That's what I thought. Unless you have any further entertainment in mind, I would gladly go to sleep. My legs are giving out." The blonde turned to the entrance, followed silently by Santana.

Having exited the building, they walked to the subway station and Quinn peeked at the quiet Latina with amusement. She was in high spirits, unsure whether it was the city that has been affecting her, or the company.

"What, you lost your game?" She nudged Santana’s arm.

The girl met her eyes and sneered. "Pfff… please. I'm the best smooth talker that this world has ever seen. I always got game. Just… not specifically now."

"Sure. Not now." Quinn giggled at her vague reply and heard her mumble something indistinctly. 

It was before midnight when they entered the apartment. There was no sight of Kurt or Rachel and both of them stood awkwardly in the common room. Santana was the first to break the silence.

"I'm pretty tired myself, so we can as well try to fall asleep before the divas make a drunken commotion. You can use the bathroom first, if you want." 

The blonde nodded, took her things, and closed the doors. She felt uneasy without known reason and tried to unwind a bit under the hot, refreshing shower. The water cleared her mind, and she left the bathroom relaxed, until she saw Santana lying on the bed, dark hair spread all over the pillow, wearing similar clothes to her own set, a pair of boy shorts and a top.

"You done?" She asked, looking up from the phone screen. 

Quinn placed her things on the chair and sat down on the mattress. “Are you sure it's okay for me to sleep here? It's your room after all." 

The brunette rolled her eyes, rising from the bed.

"You already slept here yesterday. I won't let you to use the couch on your screwed up back, so I told you that's perfectly fine. I would give it up completely, but I'm kinda selfish." She shrugged. "And I can assure you, that no one besides me slept here, if that's why you worry." 

Quinn chuckled and got under the covers on the left side. 

"No, that's not it. I just wanted to make sure that you don't mind."

"If I minded, I would say that out loud, you know me." Santana smirked and disappeared behind the curtains.

Quinn laid down, sighing with delight how pleasant it was to finally rest. The exotic, fruit scent reached her and she had to refrain from stuffing her nose into the soft sheets. She heard the other girl switching off the lights before getting into bed. Having tilted head on the right, she looked at her profile.

"I had fun today. Thank you." 

Santana looked back at her, smiling. "Me too."

The blonde wished her goodnight and turned on the other side, feeling drowsy. The Latina shifted behind her, a low voice whispered in the air.

"I'm happy that you're here." 

Quinn involuntarily smiled, her eyes closing due to weariness.

"I'm happy to be here." She replied, and with the last bits of consciousness sensed how an arm embraced her gently in the middle, before drifting off to darkness.  
  
________________________________________

Quinn leant against the backrest, muffled laughs and voices of her friends reaching her from the distance. She concentrated on the inexpressible turmoil filling the every inch of her body and mind. Having read about it countless times, she presumed that it felt like longing. It felt like love.


	8. Come Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** "Come Home" belongs to OneRepublic.  
>  The quote comes from John 8:32.

________________________________________

World seemed different when one realized its true colors. Quinn thought that it felt like waking up from a very confusing, symbolic dream or having undergone a life-changing experience. She couldn't fully comprehend everything that had happened. It was early July, she had finished her first year at Yale, she was spending her summer in Lima, and Santana… Santana, whom she apparently loved more than she would ever suspect, had suffered terrible incident which led her to coma.

It took her a few quiet hours to fully absorb every little thing. She wasn't dreaming, all of it was real. Recognition was as much painful as liberating, for "the truth will set you free". Coming to terms with the past and the present was an awakening. It brought the possibilities for the future. The future Quinn longed for and feared.

In the weekend morning she woke up with a premonition. Her heart was prompting to share her realized truth with the only person concerned by it, whispering to her 'come clean'. She quickly dressed up, ate breakfast, and bid her puzzled mother farewell, feeling agitated. Everything looked ordinary as she walked down the same, usual street, yet it didn't discourage her. World rarely took notice of insignificant moments or decisions.

On the doorstep, she was greeted by Mr. Lopez who appeared to be in a hurry. He was dressed casually but neat, and the only visible signs of the experienced stress were on his face. The dark circles under his eyes made him look older than normally.

"Good morning, Quinn. You are earlier than usual. Please, come in." He politely closed the door behind her and went in the direction of the Santana's room. "I wish we could chat more, but I'm already late for work. Today's gonna be a long day." The man hustled around the machines, writing down some notes.

"That's no problem, sir. You have a very responsible job. Where is the rest of your family?" She peeked out, looking around the rooms.

"My wife is working in the garden, and Andrés is staying with his friends at the camp." He set the computer one more time and faced her. "Thank you for coming. Not just today. I can't express my gratitude for what you're doing." 

Quinn smiled gently, leaning against the bed. "She did a lot of things for me too. When I was… unwell, there was a whole medical staff assigned to me. I'm pretty certain that you were behind it." 

David nodded his head in amusement. "I was begged to arrange everything I could to save you. I agreed because that was an unusual sight and you were her friend, no matter how many times she tried to deny it."

"Well, thank you. In the end I managed to recover. If I may ask, what are the results saying?" 

David checked his notes, scanning through various pages.

"I am pretty optimistic. The brain activity has definitely improved and the only problem that remains is her external minimal responsiveness. However, it all goes in right direction. Her health condition is well and the injury healed without further complications." 

The blonde exhaled with relief, while the man hid all the documentation in his briefcase.

They exchanged goodbyes and he left, wishing her a nice day. Quinn turned towards Santana, this time sitting on the edge of the mattress. She took her hand in hers, feeling at peace, which was so different from what she had experienced every time by staying in that room.

"It is amazing what you can learn just in a few minutes. And it's terrifying at the same time that this had to happen for me to realize something." There was a pause and the blonde took a deep breath. "We wasted years, fighting with each other for petty, trivial matters. I don't blame you, I'm not an angel myself, but looking at it now… God, we were so stupid." She grinned in recollection of her memories.

"I think we will always be a little like that, we are too similar in some matters. However, a bit of honesty would do wonders. If we had talked more instead of being bitches, we would have saved ourselves a lot of trouble. But I guess that one should lose themselves in order to be found. In any case, we've been doing well lately, and suddenly everything went down." Quinn sighed.

"None of us was ever good at expressing their feelings. Apart from the negative ones, naturally. We didn't talk, we yelled. We didn't listen, we acted. We didn't see, we ignored. Considering our personalities, that's an explosive combination. How we put up with each other and still be friends is a mystery. We must have learnt something over time."

"I've never said the three words to someone. At least not in the strict sense of the word. There are different kinds of love and different kinds of declarations. Remember what the glee club was about? Facing yourself, your fears, emotions, problems, and expressing them through music. I know how it sounds, but eventually we loved it." There was a faint smile on her lips as she stroked the soft skin.

"Recent weeks were hell, yet they've brought me closer to you and the truth." 

She was not afraid anymore, having nothing to lose except for their friendship if Santana woke up and didn't feel the same. Quinn thought that would be embarrassing. 

"When we were in New York, you wanted me to sing. I'm not a stage material, but I want to tell you something. I want to tell you how much you mean to me. I find it hard to express it differently, so I trust you will hear every word."

She began the song quietly, almost hesitantly. But with every line she got more confidence, and as she was finishing it, she felt completely at ease, as if all the burdens and worries left her shoulders.

“Come home  
Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
Right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all I see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known  
Ever known  
So come home  
Come home…" 

The last note rang through the air as Quinn carefully leant forward to minimize the distance between them, her voice like a whisper.

"You are the only constant thing in my life. And I… I love you."

It felt weird, comforting, and pleasant at the same time. She was uncertain whether she would ever be able to say those words if Santana was conscious. The blonde stared for a few minutes at her face and noticed something different. There was a definite movement beneath Santana's eyelids, like a tremble. Quinn looked up in shock at the monitor charts, the numbers which she learnt by heart had slightly shifted. Feeling overly astounded to do anything else, she continued waiting for the further changes.

It was close to the noon when Quinn looked out the window, disappointed by the lack of responses. She was considering returning home for lunch, when she felt a tingle in her hand. It was so mild that she would have missed it if not for her focus on Santana. The blonde looked down at the hand she was holding and sensed it again. The fingers moved, muscles barely visible underneath the tan skin. Quinn opened her mouth in disbelief, and using her free hand, pressed the button on the side of the bed. The machine started slowly ticking and soon after, Mrs. Lopez barged into the room.

"What is happening, did you ring the alarm?" 

She nodded in reply, speechless. The woman walked to the bed, examining her daughter. 

"Everything seems fine, have you detected anything?"

"Her eyelids and fingers are moving. I'm completely certain that she reacted." Quinn answered, her orbs fixed on Santana's form.

"It's wonderful news! She has moved eyes before, but never any body parts. This might be it. I need to call David, excuse me." She excitedly took her phone out and talked in a hushed voice about the situation.

The blonde waited patiently, praying in her head for the girl to open her eyes, when she saw how Santana's lips barely opened. Quinn ignored the overwhelming chaos in her brain and heart, bending over the Latina to examine her face closer.

"David and the nurse are on their way. He said to calm down because if she's waking up, it might take days." Mrs. Lopez stated, sitting down on the other edge of the bed. Quinn had no words to express her emotions.

They watched over Santana while her mother tried to reach her, speaking about the surroundings. There was a doorbell and Quinn was greeted by the middle-aged woman carrying a wide case, which she opened to take out the medical instruments and examine the girl. The nurse started checking Santana's vital measurements, informing them about her status. David showed up afterwards, visibly thrilled about news.

"Okay, it appears that everything is progressing just fine. All of the signals we received indicate that she's more and more conscious. It is surprising that she started responding in so many ways that fast, usually the process is quite gradual. Perhaps it won't take as long as I expected. Gracias a Dios."

He talked for a few minutes with the nurse and she left, assuring to return later. Mrs. Lopez hugged her husband in joy and Quinn politely concentrated on Santana, not meaning to intrude.

"I will call the hospital to inform that I'm staying in today. We've got to keep an eye on her from now on." 

David left the room and the blonde turned towards Mrs. Lopez.

"I know that I'm not a family, but if I could stay here for a little longer, I would be very grateful. I have a free day, so I'm not needed elsewhere." She requested, glancing at her with pleading look. The woman walked to her and embraced warmly.

"Of course you are family. I will let Judy know that you're here. We will have a dinner together, what do you say?" 

Quinn smiled gently, grasping Santana's hand tighter.

________________________________________

She only left the girl's side to sit down at the table with the rest of the household. Her mother came to support her and Quinn felt that everything was going to be alright. With every hour, Santana responded more frequently, and the blonde couldn't take eyes off her face. She held her breath, watching as the tan girl somewhat frowned. Mrs. Lopez caressed her daughter's face, talking softly.

"Tana, cariño, can you hear me? You are home and Mamá is here, just like the others. Estás a salvo." 

Quinn felt her hand faintly grasped by a pair of fingers. She was beaming so hard that her face hurt.

In time, Santana's breathing became irregular and hoarse, her pulse quickening, her eyelids fluttering. David stopped speaking with Judy, observing how the monitor charts were shifting, and the room fell silent. The muscles on the tan face were quivering and straining, the head moving marginally. For the first time, Quinn thought that she really looked like sleeping, rather than dead.

"San, listen to us. It's gonna be alright, we are here. You are safe and sound." She spoke smoothly, and everyone stared as Santana's eyes were opening and flickering rapidly.

"It's okay now, chica. Papi está aquí." David stood next to Quinn, laying his hand on the dark hair.

The brown orbs started to focus and dazedly wandering around, scanning faces and surroundings. The blonde felt her heart stop as Santana locked her gaze on her, for those chocolate eyes had never looked more beautiful than in that moment. However, they also appeared confused and scared.

"Her heart rate is increasing, she is evidently disturbed. I will give Tana a bit of sedative until she comprehends everything." 

The man opened the drawer to take out a syringe, and injected the substance. Santana was looking around with heavy eyelids and knitted brows, apparently making an effort to grasp the reality. Minutes passed like seconds.

"Don't be scared, honey. We are your family, remember? You know us. Breathe and relax." Mrs. Lopez comforted her daughter, but it didn't bring the desired effect. Quinn brushed the Latina's hand with her fingertips.

"Focus on the present. Tune out everything else."

Santana closed her eyes for a moment and the pulse readings got stabilized. She opened them to look at the glass on the nightstand and David reached it to give her some water, yet it partially poured down her chin. The room had never witnessed such tension while the girl moved her lips, making a splashing sound. She cleared her husky throat, exhaling with difficulty.

"H-h-how… muu-ch'… I… d-runk?" 

Quinn ignored everyone's chuckles, feeling how the tears streamed down her face upon hearing the girl stammer incoherently. Not once in her life had she wanted to hug someone so desperately, and she felt like exploding from the utter bliss filling her interior. Everyone seemed to share her feelings, crying and laughing simultaneously. The blonde lifted Santana's hand gently, placing a kiss on the top, while Mrs. Lopez pecked the girl's forehead, hugging her head.

"Now now, I know that we all want to embrace the sleeping princess, but we need to give her some space. She's barely conscious and probably extremely disoriented." David stated, gesturing them to move a bit. 

Quinn walked to her touched mother and held her tight, shedding the tears of joy. Santana closed her eyes, sighing deeply with fatigue.

"It seems that she's gonna pass out. We should give her a few hours, the recovery is not a pleasant thing and she is now too overwhelmed by everything around."

"Quinn, sweetie, you are a mess. Let's return home and give Santana's family some private time." Judy suggested, brushing off the golden hair from her tears-stained face. The dark-haired woman scoffed, shaking her head.

"Do not be ridiculous, dear. You are one of the closest people we have in this town and you have every right to be here. There's no need for us to be alone, so please stay."

"I don't know, are you certain? Quinn has been here since the morning."

"I'm sure. At least until the evening, she looks pretty shaken." Mrs. Lopez patted her back comfortingly and the blonde sat down on the couch to compose herself. 

David was leaning over her daughter, studying her reactions.

"I want to ask you some questions, Sanny. Move your hand, head, or whatever if you understand me." Everybody turned towards the bed and Santana tilted her head. "Very good. I know that is hard, but I need you to focus on what's happening. Don't panic if you feel that you can't do something."

"Do you recognize this place and these people?" 

He signaled and the brunette looked around with a hazed gaze. She seemed to try to smile, but it came off as a grimace. After a few seconds she lifted her fingers, making Quinn grin.

"Good. We won't speak about the past for now, so do not attempt to think about it. You need to take it easy so rest as long as you want to." 

Santana frowned, moving her head in protest. "N-no…" She voiced gruffly, trying to get upright with no effect. Quinn grasped her hand to calm her down, holding back a smile. 

David sighed. "You don't want to sleep anymore, do you? Then relax and concentrate on the present. Before you move your body, you need to adjust your brain." 

The girl looked down at her body and hands, her face scrunching up at the sight of the tubes.

"Wat… rrr dose? T-taayk… 'em… off." She focused on her free hand to remove the nasal cannula, but the man laid his hand on her shoulder.

"I know these things freak you out, but they will make you feel better. Everything is perfectly fine." 

Santana opened her mouth and no words came out. She looked back at Quinn who was beaming all the time, and laid her head down on the pillow.

"Iiiii… don'ow. Wats… happen." Her muffled voice whispered in the room. Mrs. Lopez sat down nearby, smoothing the covers with her hand.

"Don't exhaust yourself. You are at our home in Lima, this is one of the rooms downstairs. It's the third of July, summer afternoon. You were in a coma for over a month." 

Quinn felt her hand squeezed as Santana stared blankly at the ceiling.

"Tell." She muttered and David shook his head.

"Not now, querida. You need to get well first. We can talk about it later, now rest." 

The blonde turned around to leave the room, when the Latina clutched at her fingers.

"Stay…" Upon hearing her throaty whisper, Quinn grinned wider.

"Okay." 

The parents exchanged discreet looks and walked out, while she sat back down on the bed. Santana tried to focus her gaze at her, but she was drifting off.

"I. Her-d… yor voyc… Q." She mumbled, and Quinn leant her forehead against her head.

"I hoped you did. Take it easy, San. I'm not going anywhere." 

The corner of the brunette's mouth slightly raised and she fell asleep.

________________________________________

Quinn was on the edge of dozing, when her mother entered to tap lightly her head.

"Darling, we should go now. It's really late and you seem very tired. You can sleep in your own bed, okay?" Judy embraced her shoulder and the blonde whiny objected, shaking her head.

"I don't wanna."

"I know you don't. Santana will be here when you return tomorrow." 

Quinn involuntarily felt her eyes closing and she nodded, leaning against the woman. With one last glance at the sleeping girl, she left the room, going straight to the car.

________________________________________

Quinn couldn't remember the last time she slept so well was. In the morning, she panicked that everything was just a dream, but in time she noticed the watery stains on her shirt and smiled to herself in realization. There was a feeling deep down inside her, that it would be the best 4th of July she ever had. 

While her mother was moving around the kitchen to prepare the breakfast, she texted everyone about the news. The calls were incoming like thunderbolts, and she spent almost an hour talking with her friends. The longest time she was reporting to Rachel and Kurt, who regretted not being in Lima anymore.

"This is amazing, please keep us posted!"

"I hope she will recover soon so you two could spend the summer with us!" They screamed simultaneously into the microphone, having switched to the speaker. Quinn just chuckled at their enthusiasm, knowing exactly how they felt.

"Sure, but as I said… we don't know yet how long it will take her to function again. Maybe in the near future you will tell her about it yourselves." She replied with hope, sitting at the table.

She ate with uncontrollable agitation, every nerve in her body twisting of glee and excitement. It was a refreshing feeling after weeks of sorrow. Quinn thought that it was foolish of her to worry in the first place, because Santana would overcome everything. Judy was looking at her amused, however, she was stuck too deeply in her bubble to pay attention to anything.

"Dear, you will choke if you don't slow down." The blonde shrugged in reply. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes, mom. I'm just…" Quinn broke off, searching for a proper word.

"Happy?" Her mother suggested, and she nodded.

"Yep. Happy." 

The woman laid down the cutlery, her eyes cautious but gentle.

"Do you want to tell me something, Quinn?" She asked, and the girl looked up at her.

_"Huh?"_

"Is there anything you would like to share with me? Concerning Santana?"

"Well, you were there so you know that she's awake and alive. I don't think there is much to add, apart from the fact that I'm evidently ecstatic about it." Quinn smiled, reaching for the toast.

Judy shook her head and looked straight into her eyes.

"You know that I'm here for you, Lucy. I've made a lot of mistakes that I'm not proud of and I will try to make up for them as long as I live. I love you and I want you to be happy, regardless of your life decisions. I hope that you know that I will support your choices, whatever they are." 

The young blonde looked at her a bit confused but smiled nevertheless, feeling touched by the unusual confession.

"I know, and thank you. I love you too." 

She squeezed her mother’s hand over the table, pondering about her words. As much as she wanted to tell her about the last months, Quinn decided to wait until she was certain what exactly all of it meant. 

"Do you want to go visit with me?"

"I will stop by later if you don't mind, today I have some business to attend to." Mrs. Fabray answered, dropping the subject. Quinn nodded, and having cleaned the dishes, got ready to leave.

________________________________________

When Santana's mother opened the door, she was instantly enveloped in a waist hug by a pair of small arms.

"I'm glad to see you too, kiddo." The blonde laughed, patting Andrés's head.

"Mi hermana está despierto, Q! Come, look!" He took off to the room, and Quinn exchanged quick greetings with the woman, following him. She knocked on the half-open doors, and David invited her in.

"Andrés, what did I tell you about jumping on the bed? Give your sister a break." He scolded the frowning boy, adjusting one of the machines. 

Quinn smiled at the scene and walked to the bed, grasping Santana's hand. The girl hazily looked at her, cracking a small grin.

"Hi, San. How are you feeling?" 

The Latina seemed to concentrate hard at her gentle words, and grunted. "Gross… weak." She took a throaty breath, trying to reach the tube on her face.

"Mr. Lopez? Is it okay if she gets this off?" Quinn asked and the man faced them to look at what she meant.

"Dios mío, Tana! Fine, I will open wide the window." 

The blonde reached to the nasal cannula, placing it down. The brunette sighed heavily and looked down at the catheter in her hand. David laughed. 

"Oh no, this one stays. You still have to use the drip because your body won't tolerate the normal food." 

Santana rolled her eyes before glancing at their clasped hands. She appeared to want to say something, and Quinn smiled sadly.

"Do you know how long she needs to recover?" 

He looked at her from his notes."That depends. The brain should restore sooner than the body, as we could see she started communicating. I've already requested rehabilitation and treatments, but in the end it is all up to her."

"What about… the side effects?" She glimpsed at him hesitantly, whispering.

"Again, only the time will tell. There is a high possibility that she will recover without any issues, and there is again the alternative. She may suffer not strictly physically, but also mentally. Speech disorders, physical abnormalities, nervous collapses… the options are various. We can only hope that it won't come to that." He replied grimly, looking out the window. Quinn looked back at Santana, who stared blankly into space.

"Hey, stay with me, okay? I know this is hard, but try to focus on us." 

The Latina knitted her eyebrows, inhaling deeply.

"You must have some magical powers, Q. I was talking to her all the time, and I got only grunts." Andrés spoke up, hopping from the mattress to come closer. The blonde chuckled at his words while the tan girl slightly smirked.

"Shut… up, niño." She stammered, and the boy laid head on her legs, giggling.

"Kids, be nice. At least Tana hasn't changed much." David sighed, leaving the room.

________________________________________

During the next week, Santana's condition was gradually improving. Her speech was still disorganized, yet she gained more control over her upper parts of the body. The physiotherapy was working, and she stopped depending so much on the medical equipment. Quinn learnt that the only thing the Latina was not cooperative in was her psychiatric consultations, which did not surprise her at all.

One afternoon, she walked on Santana sitting upright in bed, reading the cards left by their friends. She still looked fragile and half-alive, her dark eyes dull, her skin color faded. Her expression was frustrated, but it quickly changed as her eyes locked with Quinn's. The blonde couldn't help the growing grin on her face.

"Hey, S. Did you have visitors?" She noticed some new flowers on the nightstand.

"Our friends… amazing idiots." Came the reply as the brunette put away the cards.

"Yeah, we are pretty lucky in that department. Who stopped by?"

"Puck and Finn, early. My phone… rings all the time." She smiled.

"Well, sorry about that. I told everyone to leave you be until you feel good." Quinn squeezed her hand as Santana shook her head.

"It's okay. It's… nice. Wish I c-could… text'em back." She looked down with sadness.

"Soon you will. How's your reading going?"

"Hard. Words… some mixed up. Not familiar and puzzling." The brunette sighed, knitting eyebrows in confusion. "No comprender. Mind is like apart." 

At her reply, Quinn sat down beside her in pondering how to reassure her.

"You need some time, S. What you have been through is terrible. I can't imagine how it all felt then and now, my case was a little different. But I'm here for you and you can tell me anything." Her voice was quiet and tender. The tan girl turned head to the other side, her face solemn and distant.

"Sometimes… I feel the darkness. I'm s-cared to sleep and not w-wake up. Dreams and memories hazy… I know but I don't. Trying to reach it and I can't. It makes me angry." The unshed tears glistened in her eyes.

"What about these memories?"

"Some parts… unclear. I remember the past, little details are missing. What is creepy… I have the-se moments I feel the cold b-blade piercing through. Totally scares me." Santana unconsciously touched her side where the wound had been. Quinn's heart twisted with pain, seeing how distressed she looked.

"It's gonna be alright. We will get through this. Together." 

The brunette stared back at her, and suddenly wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck, hugging her close.

"If not you, I would n-ever…" She paused, hiding the troubled face in her neck. Quinn drew closer, encircling the girl's waist in a strong clasp.

"Don't worry. I got you and I will never let go."


	9. Give Me Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** "Give Me Love" belongs to Ed Sheeran.

________________________________________

"Oh my God, this fucking wheelchair blows!" Santana yelled in frustration, trying to hop on the passenger seat of Quinn's car with no effect. 

It was the middle of July, and they have just finished the gathering with their friends in Breadstix. The brunette's condition wasn't allowing her to walk on her own yet, which she constantly complained about. As much as her physiotherapy was progressing, the doctors declared that she wasn't strong enough to use the crutches, forcing her to be stuck in a wheelchair.

"Trust me, I know everything about it."

"It's so much worse than the shit we had to go through in sophomore year." 

She tried to jump again, and almost landed on the ground. Quinn rolled her eyes, leaning against the open door.

"Are you sure you don't want my help?" 

The Latina glared at her, visibly exhausted from the effort. "I can handle it, okay? I need to stop depending on people or I will never get out of this." 

Santana one more time lifted herself on arms and leant forward to leap on the seat. Without support, it was difficult to move over the car threshold. 

"Ugh! Fine, I give up." She mumbled, upon what Quinn smirked.

"Move a bit back." The brunette did what she had been told, and encircled the other girl's neck in a death grip. "Holding tight?" 

Santana nodded, and the blonde grasped her waist and legs, raising gently from the chair to place her on the car seat.

"Thanks." The Latina muttered, her face inches to Quinn's.

"No problem. Don't be embarrassed about it, I've experienced the same stuff." 

She looked straight into her orbs, but Santana seemed to be focused on something way below her eyes. 

"Perv." Quinn commented with a grin, and moved to pack the wheelchair into the trunk.

"What? They were in my line of sight, okay? I wasn't staring!" She replied, offended. 

The blonde smiled wider, and having started the engine, maneuvered her car through the parking lot.

"Perv."

"We will never speak of this again." Santana stated in a firm voice, staring out the window.

"This was probably the first time that you didn't demand more food that you can eat."

"Geez, thanks." She rolled her eyes. "I am not there, yet. I try not to eat much, because I throw up from time to time. As much as my brain started working, my body… well, you can see." Quinn frowned, clenching the car wheel. "Where are we going?"

"There is a new park, just around the corner. I've never been there before so I thought we could check it out."

"Sure, I could use more fresh air. I swear that I've had enough of staying indoors for the next couple of months."

Quinn pulled in next to the entrance, and helped Santana getting out of the car. After a few minutes of arguing, the pouting brunette agreed to be pushed around in her wheelchair, and they went in the pond's direction. The park was more beautiful than expected – the wide white brick alleys, bicycle lanes, well-kept plants, colorful flowers, solid benches, and even picnic spots. Furthermore, it was quite extensive and not crowded like the rest of public playgrounds.

They stopped at the lagoon, which waters reflected the sloping trees surrounding the pool. Quinn leant against the chair's handles, absorbing the sun, air, colors, and sounds.

"It's nice here." She spoke softly, looking around the place.

"It is. Could we sit for a moment under that birch?" The tan girl pointed at the other side of the pond, where the shaded green field was. The blonde chuckled under her breath.

"Did I hear wrong or Santana Lopez actually asked nicely for something?"

"Don't push it, Q." She grumbled in response, and Quinn laughed again, moving in the indicated direction. "I wanna lie down a bit, I'm fed up with sitting all the time."

"On the grass?"

"Yeah. There is a blanket in my bag hanging on the backrest." Santana gestured at her chair.

"It is quite practical." The blonde answered, spreading it on the lawn.

"I often get cold. This coma totally screwed up my body." 

She bended forwards, landed gracelessly on the ground, and settled on her back. Quinn lay down close beside her, observing how the rays of light shone through the leaves above them.

"What was it like?" This question wandered around her head for some time. 

Santana turned towards her. "You mean the coma?" 

She looked back at the Latina, slightly nodding. The girl sighed. 

"It's hard to explain. It's like being trapped between sleeping and being awake. I remember hearing voices, at that time I probably understood what they were saying but now it's kinda blurry. All I know is the darkness and inability to do anything. I recall hearing you, but I couldn't respond in any way." Her voice dropped to the whisper, and Quinn noticed unease in her eyes. "Sometimes there was nothing, like you were completely disconnected from the world."

"I shouldn't have asked, I'm sorry." She answered, imagining how terrible it must have been. Santana smiled at her.

"It's fine… I wish I could describe it better."

They fell silent, taking in the surroundings. The blonde didn't remember the last time when she had spent time like that outdoors. It was comfortable, despite the ground underneath them. She glanced at the tan girl, examining her face. How the dark hair regained the luster, her skin the radiance, her lips the color. Santana suddenly looked back at her with a grin.

"My abuela visited me soon after I woke up. I wasn't communicative much back then, so we did not chat, although she said a few interesting things."

"Really? I'm happy for you, that's fantastic news." She replied misleadingly.

"Quinn, I know. She said that I had some very good friends that cared about me, and one of them made her reconsider what happened. The blonde one."

"Brittany was here. Perhaps she talked with your grandma."

"We spoke recently. I know that she visited and that she cares, but I don't consider her as the demanding kind of a girl, barging in uninvited." The brunette brushed against her arm, smirking.

"I don't know what you're implying."

Santana just smiled wider and reached for Quinn's hand to entwine their fingers.

________________________________________

On the weekend that both of them had loose, Quinn offered to take Andrés to his soccer training, for the boy complained about the lack of entertainment. They arranged the whole day together, promising to stop at the playground, café, and the video rental for the evening session. When she drove up to the driveway, she noticed Brittany leaving the house. She closed the door and approached her, noticing that the girl was deep in thought.

"Hello, Britt. I'm surprised to see you here. How are you?" 

Quinn felt bad after their last encounter. She knew that Brittany was a good person and she meant well.

"Hi, Quinn. I got some free days and I wanted to see Sanny. I'm happy she is better now."

"Yeah, me too. Listen, I didn't get a chance to apologize for my outbreak. I shouldn't get angry with you, knowing that you can't ditch your classes. That was unfair of me." 

The tall blonde smiled at her. "It's okay. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for her. We talked, and…" She paused, looking down at her shoes. "I can't be what she needs, you know? I love her and we will always be friends, but it's not the same as before. She must let go of Lima." Brittany declared in a hushed voice.

"No, that's not true. She needs you in her life as much as she needs other people. You can still be close, and nothing stands in your way to do so. Yes, you both moved on, but that doesn't mean letting go of everything."

"We will be close, but she doesn't need me anymore to be happy. I can feel that something has ended." Quinn hugged her in reassurance. "It's not bad, though. I'm not sad and she isn't either."

"I wish you well. How long are you staying for?" 

Brittany shrugged. "Maybe for a few more days. We should go out, you, me, and S. Just like the old times." She grinned, already excited about the idea.

"I'd like that. And I'm sure San would like it too."

They talked for a couple of minutes, standing on the porch outside the house. Quinn observed how Brittany disappeared around the corner, feeling in a better mood.

"What are you doing?" 

She turned around to look at Andrés, who was already wearing his sport kit. 

"Come, you've gotta help me poke Tana so that she could move from the couch."

"I've heard that! You've been pestering me since the morning, will you ever get tired of this?" Santana wheeled her way to the doors, scowling at her brother. He shook his head in reply. "Wow, remind me to never take you anywhere next time."

"Hello there, aren't you two in the best mood today. Everyone ready?" Quinn asked with a smile as the boy embraced her affectionately, having not missed the very appreciative glance that the Latina gave her summer dress.

"Let's go!" He lifted his bag and run towards the car.

Both girls watched from a distance as the junior team was running on the soccer pitch next to the elementary school. Quinn leant against the fence because the only benches were located at the bleachers, where Santana had no access to. She was grateful for the shade given by the trees, considering how dry the air was.

"Thanks for doing this." The brunette said, breaking the silence between them.

"No problem. The kid is a gem." She smiled, observing how Andrés waved in their direction.

"He freaking adores you. Seriously, he probably loves you more than me."

"And how much exactly you love me?" Quinn couldn't help teasing.

Santana frowned, but her eyes remained cheerful. "I… this is not what I meant and you know it." 

"So you didn't want to say that your brother loves me more than you do, right? Because it would break my heart." The blonde joked, making a painful face.

"That's not possible." She didn't get a chance to ask Santana what she indicated. "Hey, do you wanna sit? The training will take some time."

"Where?"

"Uhm, on my lap?" Quinn playfully raised an eyebrow at her. "What? I don't want you to stand like that for over an hour."

"What about your legs?"

"I'm stronger now, and some weight won't do any harm. So? I won't bite, I promise." She grinned.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." The blonde smirked in reply, watching as Santana knitted her brows in contemplation which after a while turned to a surprise.

"Oh. _Oooooo-h._ Uh, well… I won't bite now. Unless you ask." 

Quinn rolled her eyes, but accepted the offer, casually putting an arm around the Latina's shoulder. She glanced at her beaming face, feeling the butterflies in her stomach. That had never happened before and she was taken aback by this weirdly pleasant sensation.

The practice was indeed longer than she expected. They watched the boys play while the coach loudly cheered, and it all reminded Quinn of their cheerios years. Santana didn't speak much and it disturbed her, for she had to suffer the weeks of her stillness.

"Why are you so quiet?" She asked suddenly, as the team was leaving the field.

"What, you want me to talk? Who are you and what you have done with Quinn Fabray?" Santana laughed, earning a nudge from her. 

Andrés run up to them, looking tired yet happy. "Did you see me? I was awesome, wasn't I?" He straightened up in pride.

"Sure, hermano. Now go change, we will wait here."

On their way to the playground, they stopped in an ice-cream parlor, because the boy couldn't stay calm about it. Quinn noticed that Santana was not pleased with the idea, and she leant forward to whisper to her.

"If you don't like it here, we can go." 

The brunette looked back at her with gratitude. "Thanks, but if we leave now, Andy won't shut up for the rest of the day. It's fine, let's just sit somewhere private."

Santana insisted on paying for everyone's treats, and they settled at the small rounded table. Andrés wasted no time in digging into his large cup, rambling heatedly between the bites about his team, training, and colleagues. Quinn tried to focus on what he was saying, but some when she lost track, making an eye contact with Santana. This wasn't side glancing or peeking, comparable to what they had done countless of times before. The brunette openly gazed at her with an unreadable, contemplative expression, and she felt involuntarily staring back. She bit her lip out of habit, and the Latina dropped the straw she was holding. None of them noticed that Andrés went silent, glancing between them with interest.

"Hey, Q. You know that Tana talks in sleep?" They swiftly turned towards him.

"No I don't." Santana replied on the spot, glowering. 

The boy nodded his head in confirmation. "You do. I heard you muttering during your naps. I even remember what." His dark eyes shone with amusement.

"I wasn't."

"Yes you was!" Quinn observed their exchange and Andrés looked at her, smiling. "She said your name."

"That's not true!" 

The blonde smirked at Santana's outraged expression.

"You did! Several times! I heard it! And there was something else –"

"I swear to God, if I wasn't in that damn wheelchair, you would regret your nosiness for the rest of your life!"

They started bickering in Spanish, but it was too rapid for Quinn to understand it clearly. After a few moments they calmed down, but the boy continued grinning. Santana had a clenched jaw and glanced at her adamantly.

"Don't believe any of this, his sole purpose of life is to torment me."

"Uh-huh, I love Tana. Don't worry Q, I will tell you everything later." Andrés whispered to her, and the brunette smacked her palms against the table.

"That's it! No PlayStation for a week!"

________________________________________

Quinn finished her morning shift in the shop, and reached the rehabilitation facility nearby the hospital. She knew the place like the back of her hand, and within a few minutes, she stood in front of the locker rooms, waiting for Santana who was supposed to have finished her physiotherapy. 

It was one of their 'tv show days', a tradition they used to have in the early years of high school. Quinn suggested that they could as well resume it, since the Latina was in no condition for outdoor activities. Several more minutes passed and the automatic doors opened, revealing the brunette who rolled up with her bag on the lap.

"Hey. I hope you didn't wait long, the nurse took her time in the bathroom." She rolled her eyes, smiling.

"No, I've just arrived. Sorry that I didn't accompany you. If I knew several days before that your mom couldn't stay today, I would have taken some other hours." She apologized, taking the bag.

"Nah, that's okay. I mean, it's long and boring as hell, you know how it goes. And I don't feel like being watched while I'm kissing the floor, over and over again." Santana winced at the thought.

"Yes, nothing in a recovery is pleasant. However, I preferred to have someone by my side than to deal with everything alone." 

Santana abruptly stopped and looked at Quinn with sorrow and guilt in her eyes.

"I should have been there. I wanted to, but…" She paused and heavily sighed. "I screwed up as your friend back there and I know that no excuses would ever fix that. The truth is… I didn't want to see you suffer. I hated… feared the possibility that you might never walk again, and I couldn't handle seeing it." Santana confessed, evidently ashamed. Quinn touched her shoulder in reassurance.

"Thank you. I can't say that I wasn't hurt, because I was, but I can understand now why you weren't there. Seeing you after the incident… I can't express how hard it was. As much as you were the one in the bad condition, I felt awful, to put it lightly." The blonde tried to chase away the dark thoughts. "You could have told me, though. Too late I realized that we should have been more honest with each other. Perhaps we could make up for our wasted years." Quinn smiled tenderly at her.

"I'd like that. Now we have all the time in the world to talk. Well, at least summer." 

Santana smiled back and reached for her hand to give it a squeeze. The silence was interrupted by a sudden shout.

"Hey, miss Santana!" They noticed the young man motioning them across the hall. "Good job today! Soon you won't be needing the chair anymore. See you next time!" He exclaimed with a smile, heading in the other direction.

The brunette waved back at him. "Thanks! See ya!" 

"So, who was that?" Quinn asked, as they left the building.

"Jimmy, he is one of my physicians. We work together in the gym, he's nice."

"It looks like your therapy is working." She couldn't help smiling at the idea. Santana nodded.

"It's getting easier every day. I could be using crutches already, but the medics say not to overstrain myself. Lame."

She invited Quinn for dinner and persuaded her to stay till the night. The room which she had been staying in previously, looked far better without the medical devices surrounding the wide bed. Having watched several episodes of their favorite show, Santana plugged in her iPod and lay down, scooting over.

"Lie with me?" She patted the bed, and Quinn took off her shoes to join her. 

They stared at the ceiling as she spoke again. 

"Brittany was here. She seemed happy."

"Yes, I talked with her. How are you two doing?" 

The tan girl knitted her eyebrows in pondering. "We are good. We are friends, we understand each other, and that's it." 

Quinn took a short breath. "Will you try to keep in touch?"

"Yeah, but not in that sense. Our relationship has changed and it's definitely over."

They fell silent and the brunette sighed with delight, listening to the soft strings of a guitar.

"I can't rest without some music anymore, you know? When I was… sleeping, I heard it playing in the distance and it was the only thing keeping me sane." There was a pause and she looked at her. "I recall your voice. You sang."

"Yes. I didn't know what to do." Quinn confessed, feeling their hands brush against each other.

"It was beautiful. Thank you." The blonde glanced to see her smiling. "I've always loved your voice. It sounds different when you sing, though. It's… pure. I'd love to hear what you sang sometime."

"Thanks, but I'm nothing special." Her cheeks burned.

"I have to disagree. You don't know how special you are." Santana murmured, entangling their fingers. Quinn felt that her heart would burst out any second.

"Give me love like never before  
'Cause lately I've been craving more…"

She watched as the brunette closed her eyes and song softly to the melody, loving everything about the moment. The warm alto tone, the soft skin caressing her hand, the peacefulness, the intimacy. Santana turned towards her once more, and she was so close that Quinn could felt her minty breath on her lips. There was this rare look in her dark eyes that she could never decode. It was thrilling, deep, penetrating, yet mild and affectionate at the same time. To her, it was such an unusual, breathtaking sight. It reminded her of a storm in the open ocean, the fireworks illuminating the night sky, or the flames dancing on the candles. Every time she managed to catch it, she wished she could read Santana's mind, because it was the only thing unclear about her. This captivating gaze that spoke hundreds of words which Quinn didn't comprehend. How much easier it would have been if her friend said loud and clear what's on her mind exactly when she really needed it. The irony.

Santana was undressing her with her eyes, but not in a dirty, provocative manner. Nevertheless, she felt like melting, choking, or going crazy with every second of silence between them. She had experienced this inexpressible and paradoxical feeling, yet never so strongly. It was paralyzing. The brunette opened slightly her mouth, but the sudden creak of opening doors startled them both and Quinn pulled away with an exhale. Santana's expression changed to a hostile one as she lifted herself on the elbows.

"Guys! I'm bored!" Andrés yelled, nonchalantly jumping on their legs.

"The hell, weren't you taught to knock before breaking in without bother?!" 

The boy shrugged. "The doors were open." 

Quinn instantly blushed at the idea of someone else walking in on them, despite that nothing had really happened.

"Even if they were, and I highly doubt it, you can't just bust in, lo entiendes?" 

He rolled his eyes in reply. "What are you doing anyway? I wanna play."

"Well, I don't care. We are busy, go ask papi." Santana gestured him to leave and Andrés frowned.

"No you aren't. You were lying. Isn't it too early to go to sleep?" 

Quinn stifled a laugh while the Latina fell back on the pillows, grunting.

________________________________________

The end of July was scorching and Quinn couldn't wait to stretch out on the sunbed on Santana's terrace to relax and enjoy the sun, instead of cursing the heat while she moved around the town. Having texted that she was on her way, she dropped by her home to change into a short, waist drop dress covering her blue bikini set. She put up her hair, grabbed a beach towel, and left a note to her mother whom she promised to help with housework. Before reaching the house, she bought some ice-cream as a dessert.

Quinn pulled in the driveway and invited herself in, hearing Mrs. Lopez's voice from afar. She looked around the rooms, searching for any family members.

"Hello, dear. Please don't stand like you've never been here before. I'm sorry I didn't open the doors, but I was busy with the laundry." The woman gestured her to put down her things.  
"Good afternoon. That's not a problem. I've brought some ice-cream, is vanilla okay?" She placed the bag on the counter.

"Of course, thank you. Do you want some now?" The Latina opened the cupboard to take out the bowls, but Quinn shook her head.

"No, thank you, maybe later. They will be perfect after sunbathing. Is San around?"

"She's probably still in the room, changing. That girl is too stubborn for her own good, rejecting everyone's help." They exchanged grins, however, Mrs. Lopez's smile quickly fell. "There is something I would like to talk with you about." 

The blonde tensed on the spot. "Uhm, sure. Right now?" 

The woman glanced in the other directions, motioning her to come closer. "Yes. It concerns Santana." She whispered in a tone that Quinn did not like at all.

"Is there something wrong?"

"I do not want to worry or burden you in any way, but… you spend together so much time and you are her closest person. If anyone could somehow help, it would be you." 

She silently waited for her to continue. 

"Tana has some problems on the mental level. She doesn't want to speak with the psychiatrists, she can't open up about the incident. And it's not good for her."

"Such things can't be rushed. She needs time to face it. I think that the best option is just to let her think over it on her own, before she can talk with someone else. This might be something she must do alone, as much as we all want to help her." Quinn replied and Mrs. Lopez seemed to sadden ever more.

"We don't want to push her into anything, we know that it's hard. Just please… watch over her. She cannot be unattended anymore."

"Of course. Is there a specific reason we talk about it now?"

"As I said, when she's not home or in the hospital, she's usually with you. And you need to know that it's very important to never leave her alone. Quinn… she can't fall asleep without a light on and someone beside her. She suffers from random anxiety attacks, fears darkness…" The woman broke off, visibly disturbed. The blonde felt herself shaking inside.

"I… I had no idea. This had never happened when we were together." She was utterly shocked and upset by the news. "San didn't tell me."

"I'm not surprised here. She doesn't want to discuss it. However, you have a good influence on her. She must get past it, or she will never fully recover." 

Quinn nodded in understanding, trying to come up with any solution. She was angry with herself for ignoring Santana's psychical state.

"Sorry, I had a New York videoconference and they just couldn't stop talking. I'm not sure anymore if I want to return there." The brunette joked, walking towards them. At that moment, Quinn completely disregarded everything around her, observing as Santana wobbled to her on crutches. "Hey." 

She felt her face split into a wide smile. "Hi. Look at you, almost walking. That's… fantastic!" Quinn embraced her in such a way she wouldn't fall.

"Hardly, but it's better than the wheelchair. I can't waste all our summer, right?" The brunette signaled to go to the garden.

"You don't waste anything, you need to get well."

"We were supposed to be in New York, and you are stuck here with me. It's not fair to you." 

Quinn rolled her eyes and tugged at her top, causing her to stop.

"I am here, because I want to. Nobody forces me into anything and we are spending the holidays together as we planned. It doesn't matter where or how. I'm happy the way it is, so stop grumbling." 

Santana suspiciously looked back at her and sighed. "Alright. But we are leaving as soon as I can. You need a towel?"

"I got everything, thanks. We will leave only when you are allowed to."

They went out on the terrace, and Santana settled down on the already prepared deckchair near the swimming pool. Quinn placed her things and took her sundress off to catch some sun. She was ready to lie when she noticed that the brunette was still sitting awkwardly in her shorts and tank top.

"What's wrong, do you need some help?"

"No, that's not it." Santana looked down, playing with her fingers. "I just… I don't look well. My side doesn't look well." She whispered and Quinn sat down beside her.

"Look at me." She hesitantly met her eyes. "It's okay. I've been there and I know what it feels like. I came around though, thanks to you."

She frowned in confusion. "Me? What did I do?" 

The pale girl slightly blushed, avoiding her gaze. "When we were… together… on Valentine's, I was insecure about the way my body looked. The pregnancy, and later the accident left some marks that made me feel embarrassed."

"What are you talking about, you look great." Santana cut in, briefly checking her out with a frown. Quinn smiled.

"See? Yet I didn't think like that. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"

"I… not exactly. I hope that nothing inappropriate, dirty, or humiliating."

"No. In fact, you were incredibly smooth." She tried not to focus so much on what happened, because it was flustering. "You said that my scars made me who I was and I should be proud of them. That they were beautiful like me." Quinn was certain that she was scarlet, but Santana didn't seem to care, concentrating on her words.

"So this time, I'm telling you to not be bashful. Especially when you are with me. I would never judge you and I'm certain that it doesn't look as bad as you think it does. In time they will entirely fade away, mine are no longer that much visible." She looked down at her stomach and thighs that used to bother her. 

After a while, Santana silently nodded and lifted her top off. "I don't look healthy." She muttered, brushing her hair aside. 

Quinn swept her eyes over her friend’s torso and looked at the skin under her left breast, bruised, colored, and scarred.

"You look as you should. There is nothing wrong with you, considering what you have been through." She gently touched her side, caressing the marks. "This is your red badge of courage. Never be ashamed of it."

The corners of Santana's mouth slightly raised, and Quinn hugged her, wondering if the girl would ever confide her accident. Mrs. Lopez's distressing words rang in the back of her head, however, while she was holding her friend like that, she felt that everything in the end would be alright.


	10. So Far Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** The lyrics of "So Far Gone" belong to Thousand Foot Krutch.

________________________________________

_S'POV_

Santana abruptly woke up, trying to catch her breath and calm the racing heart. The nightmares were persistent and unsettling as ever, balancing on the edge of reality. They made her mentally exhausted, yet there was no way to prevent them from happening, which she tried many times. She looked around the sunny room disoriented, and spotted a hand-written card on her nightstand.

_August 2013, Lima_

With a heavy sigh, she focused on recalling that she was at home, having returned from her hospital check-up. She remembered reading together with Andrés, who seemed to be nowhere in sight. The last sleepless night apparently has caught up with her and she must have drifted off at some point. Music was still playing on her laptop, and she supported herself on the desk to turn it off. 

Santana glanced one more time at the card, praising her cleverness to leave herself the notes every day, in case she wouldn't be able to comprehend what was happening. Her phone signaled a new message, and she sat back down on the bed to read it.

Q: I hope you have a free evening, cause we're going out.

S: Oh? An wht if dont?

Q: You will, if you know what's good for you. ;)

Santana almost dropped her phone at the immediate reply.

S: In dat case, how cld I ever say no… wht do ya gots in mind?

Q: You mean what will happen if you refuse or what we will be doing? Well, wait and see.

S: Dat sound unplsant

Q: Be a good girl and I can promise that you will enjoy it.

"Fucking hell." The brunette muttered, feeling her body going weak.

She loved that rare side of Quinn and hated it at the same time, for the reason that it made her a completely helpless, babbling fool. And Santana Lopez was no such a person. Yet, the blonde managed to wrap her around her little finger without any difficulty, which has been really puzzling her for some time. Everything about her was different and intriguing. If Santana did not know any better, she would think that Quinn was interested in her. She swore there was some inexplicable tension between them and in any other situation she would just act on it, nevertheless, the risk was too great. She didn't feel like suffering another heartbreak and losing her best friend.

Santana looked down at the message again, struggling to come up with a witty reply, when the doors opened.

"I see you are up. How are you feeling?" Her father walked in and sat beside her.

"I'm okay. Naps do wonders."

"Everything is absolutely normal? You remember being on medical examination with me today?" She nodded. "Good. Wanna give me a hand with the dinner? Mom is still stuck in the office."

Santana sat at the kitchen counter and started chopping vegetables when the phone in her pocket vibrated again.

Q: I take this silence as a yes.

S: Huh?

Q: The evening.

S: Uh yea, its cool.

"Is it okay for me to go out tonight?" She asked, and David glanced at her over his shoulder.

"With Quinn? Sure. Are you girlfriends already?"

"Dad!" Santana whined, staring at him reproachfully.

"What? I like her. You like her too. You are single, she's single… Do I really have to spit it out?"

"She's not… you know. She's not like me." 

He faced her, putting the pot away. "I don't think that a person has to be anything to love someone. And I know for sure that my daughter is observant enough to notice that you are fond of each other."

"This is not that simple." Santana mumbled, having thought over this hundreds of times.

"Of course it is. Just ask her out." He suddenly chuckled. "I can't believe we are having this conversation. Do you want me to teach you some lines?" 

She laughed in reply and threw some lettuce in his direction. 

"Hey! No food fights, especially not where Andy can see. Just imagine the commotion…" Her father shook his head and the phone rang again.

_Q: Great. I will pick you up around 8._

Santana smiled at the screen, but her excitement quickly turned into the heartache when she realized what her feelings meant.

________________________________________

Quinn showed up as she promised, looking casual and quite rebellious in the ripped denim shorts, buttoned short sleeve shirt and a pair of Vans. Santana decided to politely keep her eyes on the disheveled blonde curls while they walked to the car and when the doors closed, she met her fascinating green eyes which shone brightly due to the sun. For a moment, she expected her to say something, but Quinn just smiled and started the engine, taking a road in the direction of the suburbs.

"If you are going to murder me in the middle of nowhere, I really hope you will at least do it quickly." Santana couldn't help giggling and the blonde rolled her eyes. "Sorry, but looking at where we are heading, it reminds me of those scenes in the movies."

"I want to show you a place I've came across recently. It's amazing that you think you know the town pretty well and then discover something new."

"So no raping and killing?"

She smirked. "No raping and killing. You know I prefer slapping." 

"Oh I do."

After ten minutes of ride, Quinn turned from the main road to drive uphill, where the watchtower was located. To Santana's surprise, she changed the route again to the track leading through the woods, and soon they stopped at the observatory point overlooking the west side of the town. She parked the car backwards, encouraged her to get out, and opened the trunk to sit down on the edge. Santana did the same and they came to face the sunset over the horizon.

"This is amazing." The brunette whispered, absorbing the city and the sky lighted by the orange rays.

"Wait till the colors change."

They were sitting in silence, staring as the sun lowered to the surface. It was still warm and Santana felt incredibly relaxed, secluded from the reality.

"I like it here. No people staring, no noise, beautiful view." She sighed. "You had the best idea." 

Quinn smiled, glancing at her. "I told you. I wanted us to go somewhere private, because I need to talk with you." She declared cautiously and Santana looked back at her with uneasiness. "Don't worry, okay? For now I just want you to listen."

"I've experienced enough problems in my life. I was lost, depressed, abandoned… I had no one to talk to. It might have made me stronger, but most importantly, it made me miserable. I was struggling with everything alone, keeping it all inside, and it was terrible." Quinn's voice was hushed and filled with emotions.

"You may say that you are okay, yet it doesn't make it so. I don't want you to go through what I did, even though I know nothing of your troubles. You have every right to deal with them in your own way, but I want you to know that no matter how cliché and unreal it sounds considering our history, I'm here for you. And I wish you to be well. Really well, not only pretending. You have never pretended with me, and you will never have to. I will always accept you, even if we are going to fall apart again." She took Santana's hands in hers, her rosy face honest more than ever.

The brunette felt utterly defenseless against Quinn. Against her words, her look, her display of emotions. She has been constantly getting into her head since she remembered, yet this time she also managed to tear down her walls. With every fallen brick, the blonde ventured deeper into her heart, and Santana wasn't able to specify for how long it has been going on. Her old self wouldn't allow it, nevertheless, at that time she was too tired to fight it.

"I didn't want you or anyone to worry. I hate feeling like a burden, like I am weak." She laid her head down, sensing the tears pooling in her eyes. Quinn put her arm around her and gently touched her chin, motioning her to lift her gaze.

"You are not a burden or weak, S. Never think that. To admit that you are troubled is not a weakness, it's an attribute of the strong." 

Santana stared into her hazel eyes, seeing as the sun was slowly disappearing in them. She leant her forehead against hers with a relief, involuntarily smiling.

"Thank you." 

Quinn brushed the strand of her dark hair away. "Do you want to talk about the accident?" She asked, searching her eyes.

"I don't remember the details." 

The scenes shifted in her mind like parts of a movie. She looked at the horizon to focus on putting them together. 

"I was going somewhere. It was already late and darkened. I took the alleys through the flat housing. There were noises and yells like someone was wrestling. Near the walls I noticed two people. Men, I think. I can't make out their faces, but one of them was larger." 

Santana frowned, massaging her temples. The blurry images and blank holes were not helping. Quinn was quietly rubbing her shoulder.

"They were fighting and the smaller guy stood no chance. I screamed at them, probably something stupid, and the larger guy suddenly rushed in my direction. What exactly happened… I don't know. Maybe I moved or maybe he did, but we collided and…" She stopped, resting her hand on the side. The memories were hazy, yet the feelings had never completely disappeared.

"The knife or whatever he was hiding, pierced through me in the blink of an eye. It took me by total surprise, I was dumbstruck. And that was it. The twinge of steel, the warm liquid on my hands, the hard ground. The last thing… the sky was dark and someone was screaming."

They sat in silence, watching the sun disappear below the horizon. Santana felt herself shivering, and soon after she was embraced tightly by a pair of arms. She snuggled up to Quinn, hugging her back. The delicate vanilla scent, warm skin, and soft blonde hair invaded her senses and soothed her nerves. She had never felt closer to anyone than in that moment.

The random thoughts began to swirl in her mind. Their meetings, their fights, their confessions, their talks. It was interesting how many years and events it took to really know a person. How many emotions could be experienced in a single relationship and how complex it might be. Anger, remorse, bitterness, affection, jealousy, faith, passion, hate, love, pride, shame. Their connection suffered through rejection, cruelty, deception, hostility and yet it prevailed. Santana considered that it must have meant something.

"Is there more?" Quinn asked, interrupting her contemplation.

"There are… consequences. Insomnia, freak-outs, time disorientation. Every now and then I can't recognize anything, especially after waking up. At random, my entire body becomes weak. Sometimes… I don't feel like myself at all." She looked at the blonde, downcast.

"You will get through this. One day it all will be just a distant memory, another obstacle you overcome. Have confidence in your strength and don't ever think you are alone. We might not understand what it's like, but we want to support you any way possible." She unexpectedly grinned. "However, I've got a feeling that in no time you will deal with this all on your own. You're Santana HBIC Lopez. Suck it up." 

The brunette chuckled at her words, consoled.

She examined Quinn's face one more time and different scenes flashed before her eyes. The blonde's smiles – gentle, beaming, flirty, mischievous, withheld, nervous. Her looks – glaring, serious, seductive, curious, affectionate. The little things she did, like chewing on lip, wrinkling her nose, tapping her fingers, or looking through eyelashes, which was exceptionally maddening. Santana tilted slightly her head, wondering whether it was even possible not to fall for her.

When the bright colors started fading from the sky, they went back to the house. None of them talk, yet it didn't feel like an awkward silence. Santana was looking at Quinn with a strangely empty mind, lightened and calm. The girl was sending her occasional glances, which she tried to memorize as much as possible. Faster than she would like to, the car pulled in at the driveway, and the blonde faced her with a tender look.

"Thank you for telling me. It means a lot and I hope that from now on you will never have to hide anything. If you ever feel down, do not hesitate to call me. Anytime, day or night. Okay?" Santana nodded. "I also would be happy if you talked with some specialist. Someone unbiased with expertise."

"Thanks for listening to my moping. You are…" She paused, searching for the proper words and Quinn looked at her curiously. "You are kinda awesome." 

If she knew that it was not what the brunette exactly meant, she did not show it. 

"Even though I was not in high spirits today, it was fun and we should do that again sometime." Santana smiled and grabbed the car handle.

"Let me at least see you off, just to ensure you won't break anything on the stairs." Quinn joked, earning an eye roll from her.

When they reached the porch, she suddenly felt like in one of those movies where one person after a nice date escorted the other person to their doorstep to say goodbyes, which usually ended in some kind of physical contact. She turned towards the blonde, wondering how to act in this strange, unfamiliar situation. This seemed like a good opportunity to learn whether they were just friends or more than friends.

With one last gaze into her auburn orbs, Santana leant forward and kissed her dangerously close to the lips, lingering probably longer than she should have. Quinn did not pull away, for which she almost sighed with relief. She moved back a little to observe the other girl's reaction, however, it didn't help her much. The blonde appeared to be confused, disappointed, and pleased simultaneously. Having whispered goodnight just a few inches from her face, Santana went in and pressed her back against the closed doors.

Everything was more complicated that she had ever suspected. The lines got blurry, harmless fun and flirty games were not so innocent anymore. She had felt this shift before, but it used to be controlled for the past few months. Quinn had Yale, she had New York, and the distance was keeping them sensible. Yet since her awakening, nothing was reasonable between them. Santana wasn't certain whether she would be thankful or bitter when they would separate again in fall.

"That girl is something, isn't she?" Her mother asked, appearing all of a sudden.

"Yeah… wait, what?" She replied, distracted. 

The woman raised an eyebrow. "You have been standing like that for several minutes. Come, sit down before you collapse." 

They entered the kitchen, and Santana settled on the stool at the counter. 

"Quinn has definitely blossomed out during high school. It is so wonderful that you've kept in touch. Her common sense may have a good influence on you."

"Right. Or perhaps I will bring her down. She has already wasted her summer because of me." She murmured. Her mother placed the tea set and sat alongside, looking at her emphatically.

"Let me tell you something, querida. No time devoted to another person is misused. Whether you accept it or not, Quinn decided that you are worth her concern and you should appreciate that."

"I do! I do freaking appreciate everything. I know that she cares and I will never be able to express my gratitude. What I don't know is how I feel or where to start."

"I think you know very well how you feel. You are worried though, if she feels the same." Santana looked the other way and the woman sighed. "It was right of you to say that she cares, but a little understated. Unbeknown to you, she was by your side practically all the time. During the surgery, the coma, the convalescence. When some people care too much, it's called love. And it's not always the same."

Santana carefully absorbed her words with bewilderment. She had no coherent reply, mulling over the information which seemed to be upsetting instead of comforting. There was no need for any additional reasons to fancy Quinn more than she already did. Her mother straightened up a bit, optimism written all over her face.

"Considering how much she has done for you, you really should return the favor. Just so you know, this week we got invited to uncle Sergio's new cottage outside the town. You could have the house all by yourself if you stayed." She hinted with a smile. "Think about what I've said. I don't know what about you… but sitting beside and supporting someone every day for weeks look like a 'girlfriend material' to me."

________________________________________

_Q' POV_

Despite that the invitation was unexpected and unusual, Quinn was glad that Santana decided to be more open with her. She suspected that their chat had definitely helped, and the brunette was no longer keeping her at a distance. Yet, she felt a little nervous about the whole thing. Inviting someone over for a night is slightly different when other people were around, and Santana honestly admitted that they would be alone. She wondered whether it was a date or just a request for companionship.

The evening was approaching pretty quickly as she examined her reflection in the mirror. She chose one of her neat sundresses, for Santana once had drunkenly blurted out through the phone that she favored them. Quinn quickly dismissed her absurd thoughts, trying to arrange somehow her hair, but in the end she left it simply straight. Having packed all needed things, she exchanged a few words with her mother, who embarrassed her by humorously wishing her good luck.

When she was waiting on the doorstep, she realized that she could have brought some flowers or a bottle of wine. However, it would imply the romantic notion of their meeting and she didn't want to impose anything on Santana, not when she wasn't certain where they stood. The doors opened and she faced the said girl, who beamed at her like she won the lottery. Quinn involuntarily blushed, not used to such welcome.

"Hello, Q. You are just in time, I was beginning to feel hungry." The brunette jested, letting her inside.

"I see that your appetite has returned. I hope that you didn't starve yourself waiting for me." She looked around, noticing that everyone had already gone. "Tell me you weren't alone for the entire day."

"Oh no, they've just left, a few minutes before you arrived. Sorry that I couldn't pick you up or anything, not very hospitable of me." 

The blonde shook her head. "No point in doing so when you would just go back home." 

"Okay, so… everything is prepared but I could use some help in carrying the plates." 

Quinn nodded at her and left the bag near the staircase.

In the kitchen, Santana served the food, presenting her the invitingly smelling dishes of Spanish cuisine. When they headed to the garden, she saw that the brunette was supporting herself only on one crutch, which she did not neglect to mention.

"That is a precaution. Two aren't needed anymore, still, it's risky for me to run around without any prop. What do you think?" Santana asked, gesturing the terrace and Quinn looked in the motioned direction.

The rounded table stood in the middle of the patio, set to perfection and decorated with the candles since the sky was gradually dimming. Everything looked flawless and she wasn't able to take her eyes off the scenery.

"It's beautiful. Did you do this all on your own?"

"Obviously I had a little help, but the idea was mine. I also did the cooking."

"Who knew that you had it in you." She grinned sweetly and Santana rubbed her neck.

"I hope you know that if you mention this to anyone, I will deny every word."

"Mention what? That you are a softie or you did that for me?" Quinn teased, sitting at the table.

"Fabray… I have lots of compromising material myself."

"I don't consider caring for someone shameful, San." 

The brunette slightly frowned at her honest words. "Even for me?"

"Especially for you." She replied seriously, but her face was serene. 

Santana bit her lip in consideration. "You know I was kidding." 

There was a moment of silence and Quinn cracked a smile.

"I do. I told the truth, though."

Their dance around the elephant in the room was as much appealing as tiring. The blonde made enough effort to reveal her feelings, yet it seemed that Santana persisted to test the waters. She wondered whether she had read her signs wrong and de facto they weren't on the same page at all. Quinn focused on the food to disregard her negative speculations.

The dinner was pleasant and she swiftly forgot about worries, chatting on random topics. Santana urged her to try every little dish and she was surprised how much she enjoyed foreign cooking. Catalan cream became her favorite dessert, which she was promised to get recipe for. The setting sun caused a cozy atmosphere and she lost herself in the moment.

When the sky darkened, they cleaned up the table and went inside. Quinn was ready to take her bag to the usual room downstairs, when the brunette stopped her.

"There is no enough space for us to sleep there. I've got my old room upstairs prepared."

"Will you manage to climb the stairs?"

"Yeah, if you help me a bit." 

She nodded and secured Santana's waist while the girl wrapped her free hand around her neck.

They went together to the indicated room and sat down on the one of the two single beds. Quinn looked around the familiar walls, which were similarly bare as her own. The posters, books, souvenirs were gone, and there was a little apart from her bag and Santana's New York suitcase.

"I thought that it would be rather lame if you slept in another room, so we put to use the retractable bed from the furniture set. Check if it's fine and not too flabby. You could always take mine, I don't mind anyway." The brunette declared, pointing at the second bed by the opposite wall.

"I'm sure it will be alright. Don't worry about me."

As Quinn smiled at her, Santana got suddenly nervous, tapping her foot on the carpet. She wiped her hands on her thighs and stared thoughtfully at the ceiling, apparently thinking over something.

"What is it?" She nudged her arm and the dark-eyed girl glanced at her cautiously.

"I planned some movie time f-for us, but before that… uhm… I wanted to come out. I mean, with some stuff. Yeah." Santana stammered. "It's nothing bad. Well, at least I hope so."

"Just breathe and relax. You've always been brutally honest with me, so don't hold back now."

"Recently I kinda got problems with that."

Quinn observed that she had again this particular look in her eyes, yet this time it was more explicit. The brunette appeared to be vulnerable and timid, she could almost feel her trembling inside.

"I wanted… shit, I'm not good at this. I'm gonna say it in my own way." Santana reached under her bed and pulled out the guitar. The blonde widened her eyes.

"Since when you can play?"

"I can’t. I've just learnt a few chords. The doctors recommended that I should take up a hobby which would train my brain and everything. I always wanted to try an instrument and Mr. Shue allowed me to borrow one of the school guitars." 

With one last glance in her direction, she started pulling softly the strings to make a basic accompaniment.

"I know they say that the space between  
Can make it stronger than we've ever seen  
They might be right but I disagree  
Cause I've never felt stronger than when you're with me" 

She rearranged the song into a slower, soul version, fitting her deep alto. Quinn did not know whether to focus on the words or the emotions that she was pouring out.

"Sometimes I've wondered if you're even there  
But when I feel far away you meet me there  
And like a candle makes a brighter place  
This mark you've made on me can't be erased" 

There was something utterly magical in her singing. It expressed all the nooks and crannies of her soul, which was enchanting. To Quinn, her performance was on the boundaries of spiritual experience. Moving, inspiring, intense.

“ I wanna be so far gone in you  
So far nothing else will ever do  
I wanna be so far gone in you  
In you… I wanna be lost" 

Santana's voice practically caressed the chorus to suddenly switch into firm interlude, perfectly striking every note.

"I wanna be lost in you  
Like a ship in the night  
I wanna get lost in you  
Underneath your sky  
I wanna be so far gone in you  
So far nothing else will ever do  
I wanna be so far gone in you  
In you…" 

The guitar played the last chord and Quinn remained speechless. Over the moon. Santana supposedly recognized the impact she had on her since she smiled, brushing faintly her fingers.

"You were really honest and open with me, it's only fair that I even the score. The recent months…" She broke off, her face concentrated hard to form any sentence. "They were special to me. You are special to me. You are the only constant thing in my life." 

The words created a strange sense of déjà vu in the blonde's mind.

Santana looked like her head was about to explode of reverie while Quinn was certain that she forgot how to breathe. They looked deeply into each other's eyes as many times during the high school, although very unlike to their traditional glare competition. Time was nonexistent. Silence was crushing the air. The brunette was the first to break it with a heavy sigh.

"Fuck this." She mumbled, before crashing their lips together.

Quinn wondered how she managed to survive months without that feeling. The incredible softness on her mouth, the gentle touch on her waist, the sweet scent filling her breath. And that taste. That taste unlike any other.

Santana nibbled on her lip and she eagerly deepened the kiss, entangling her fingers in the dark locks, drawing close to her as much as she could. Their legs were pressing against one another and the tan girl practically climbed on her lap in desperate need of closeness. After what seemed to be only milliseconds of delectable exploration, Quinn unwillingly pulled back, out of breath.

"Finally." She whispered against her lips, smiling. 

Santana's eyes were dark and alluring, shining with joy.

"If I had known your expectations, I would have done it way sooner. You cost me a lot of nerves." 

They chuckled, lips barely apart. Santana caressed her face tenderly. 

"I meant every word. I'm willing to get lost in you. Just… don't break my heart." Santana murmured with so much emotion like never before.

Without wasting any second, Quinn reattached their mouths in a mute response. Their kisses, even the passionate ones, were pleasurably different than her ex-boyfriends'. No sloppiness, scratchiness, or intrusive hands. Everything was at exact pace, flowing, and the control was rhythmically exchanging. Most importantly, there was an intimacy, filled with affection.

"I won't let you go. Never again. That's a promise." Quinn breathed.

Her entire body was on fire, every little touch intensified the rapidly increasing desire as their fingers more fiercely clutched at random body parts. She was aware that Santana was on the point of ripping her clothes off, yet she did not care, changing their position to lay her down. Her hand was sliding down the brunette's side, scraping the ribcage, when she realized one important issue.

"S… we should… slow down a bit. You are still hurting." She panted, hovering over her.

"Okay."

Quinn frowned at the quick reply, scanning her face. "That's it? Did you just turn down sexy times without any argument?" 

"Trust me, it's not my condition that restrains me. I just don't want to screw you right after… everything. You deserve so much better." Santana encircled her neck, sweeping aside some strands. "Although we didn't specify anything."

She smiled upon hearing her answer. "Well, you need to know that I'm rather infatuated with you." 

"As you are already aware, I'm rather infatuated with you too, dork." The Latina echoed her words with a smirk. "I forgot to tell you that you look lovely today."

"Thank you. Do you like my dress?"

"Yes, why?"

"Nothing." 

Quinn grinned at her thoughts and she felt Santana settling her legs between her own, rubbing simultaneously against her inner thighs. 

She narrowed her eyes with a short breath. "What are you doing?"

"That wasn't intentional. I hope that you won't deny me at least some sweet lady kisses."

"This can be arranged." 

With a smile, she lowered to capture her lips again in slow, mild caresses. The dark-haired girl's hands travelled down her back, stopping at the waist. Quinn sensed her arms moderately weakening as she was basically lying on Santana.

"Oh God, Q." The girl moaned, gasping for air. "You need to stretch out next to me or I will lose control and go back on my so noble promise." 

The blonde moved to rest on her side, but keeping the minimal distance between them.

"I've got a feeling that the prepared bed will go to waste." The corners of her mouth lifted in a devious grin and the brunette faced her, adopting similar position.

"Don't be so sure about that. No idea where we will end up next time." 

Quinn laughed, punching her arm.

They lay in comfortable silence, as the colors outside were diminishing. Everything felt right while she absorbed the surroundings. Their steady breaths, the lingering taste on her tongue, the warmth of the closeness. Absolute bliss ran through her veins, which presence she found utterly astonishing. This was a thing of fairytales that she ceased to believe in, such feeling was almost surreal to her. She wished the falling, or whatever it was called, lasted forever. Quinn observed that the tan girl was playing with the hem of her dress with a puzzled expression and she grabbed her hand in a soothing gesture.

"What is it?"

"To be honest, I don't know how to behave around you. Like in the physical sense. I'm fairly cuddly."

"Don't be too handsy and we will be fine." The blonde replied, snuggling up to her.

She smirked. "Hmm, you don't make it any easier, you know? I take that this is okay with you." 

"I was wondering… why it took you so long to plan this all of this?"

"There was no certainty that you wouldn't freak out or politely hint that I'm delusional. Since the spring break, I was afraid that it is just a phase to you. I came up with the sleepover very recently, in fact. Now as you know of my drawbacks, I don't have any reason to keep you away." Santana was doodling circles on her hand with a fingertip.

"I did think once that it's a phase. Somewhere along the way it changed into something more. Even though, I still don't feel like I'm attracted to women."

"Then what am I? Our make-out session was pretty gay if you ask me."

"I made a poor choice of words. Let's say that you are my only exception. Or maybe I’m demisexual?" 

Santana relaxed. "Maybe… Good, though. I'd hate to watch out for every person hovering around you."

"Not so fast, Casanova. You have to take me on a date first. This evening doesn't count." 

Santana rolled her eyes in response to her smirk.

"Demanding. What a turn-on." She started planting a trail of soft kisses on Quinn's neck, her warm breath tickling the skin.

"I remember that you didn't like my ordering around." The blonde tilted her head with closed eyes. "It ended up in yelling and bitch slapping."

"Ah yes. You know what that was?" Their eyes met. "Unresolved sexual tension."


	11. State of Grace

________________________________________

_3 weeks later, NYC_

"Toast! To life and our friends!" Rachel exclaimed, raising her glass energetically.

"To our meetings." Kurt added as their cups collided with each other in the air.

Both of them sat at the table opposite to Quinn and Santana, smiling widely. They were in the diner on the afternoon lunch, celebrating another day spent together. Having ignored the fact that two girls had arrived several days before, they continued honoring their reunion every hour possible, which meant the quartet was inseparable. When Rachel excused herself to answer the call, Quinn leant towards the brunette sitting beside her.

"Any idea how long this will take? I love them, I really do, but I wish we had a little bit of privacy from time to time." She whispered into her ear and Santana chuckled.

"I like the way you think. Hopefully, they will be busy for the rest of the day and I will be all yours." 

Their lips were almost grazing against each other when the loud cough made them turn towards Kurt with glares.

"I'm still here. And as much as I'm happy for you and your sweetness overload, I'm pretty certain that none of you want to make a scene in front of Rachel. Such things need to be broken to her, you know, gently." 

Santana rolled her eyes. "I prefer to keep her in the dark. It's more fun this way and we won't have to listen to her babbling about it for days."

"It would be rather hard, considering that we will be all living together for another two weeks."

"Not only hard but also inconvenient." Quinn pointed out, feeling a hand on her thigh. "You wouldn't get to do that." She smirked at her.

"I just want to avoid any more speeches. Your mom, Q, freaked the hell outta me." Santana nodded her head in recollection.

Kurt pricked up his ears. "Oh? I sense an interesting story." 

"Not interesting, weird. We were just getting ready to leave Lima, I was helping Q to pack her things, when her mom approached me and gave me a lecture on treating her well and all that stuff. It came out of nowhere, I mean, we really didn't do anything out of ordinary. It was… strange and scary at the same time." 

"You heard my mother, be nice to me and you might pass the test." The blonde bumped her arm with a smile.

"Please, parents love me. By the end of the year, I will be her favorite person." She pecked her on a cheek. "Although, I've already passed yours and it's all I need."

Quinn raised an eyebrow, but sneaked an arm around her waist. "Who says you have?" 

"You… and your behavior." Santana replied in the hushed tone, drawing closer.

"Guys, really? Save it for –"

"Sorry, but I had to answer that. The Broadway manager called about the next tryouts. Where were we?" Rachel sat down and everyone momentarily composed themselves.

The discussion resumed, but Quinn wasn't particularly engaged in it. She was taking in her friends' smiles and Santana's glances. The sun was shining through the window where they sat by, the city outside was vibrating with life, and she felt the delicate fingers in her hand under the table. This was the beginning of something right and real, and she came to conclusion that she was indeed ready to seize it all.

________________________________________

Santana kept her word to finally have some time for themselves and invited her to a jazz nightclub for the evening. It was one of those old, cameral places in 80's style, very private and cozy, with dimmed lights and separated round tables by the walls. The place for the band was located in the corner whereas the limited dance floor was right in front of it. The scene was already taken by a group of musicians playing smooth melodies. They sat down at the prepared table, lighted by the candle.

"Not much to eat here, only appetizers and desserts but they host the best bands in the city. Real deal, not some karaoke bullshit. Plus, no crowds in the middle of week. Do you like it?" Santana asked, looking at her over the menu.

"It's perfect." She replied honestly, looking around the place. "It has a certain charm."

"I thought you'd like it. I wanted to take you somewhere fanciful for our first date." 

The blonde frowned at her statement. "What do you mean first? We went out dozens of times."

"Well yeah, but never like that. Let this one be the first official."

They exchanged smiles which didn't fall throughout the rest of the night. The piano keys filled the room as they swayed in each other's arms, forgetting about reality. Quinn couldn't help pondering upon the past and the fact that life was not only full of surprises but also ongoing lessons. That people and perspectives changed, love didn't begin with first sight but with first war, and everything was possible. The search for true passion was never-ending, and the unpredictability of future made the ride thrilling.

There was something utterly delightful in slow dancing with Santana. She used to enjoy her partners' bulky forms, the protectiveness hiding in their stances. With the brunette, it was gentleness and finesse. Quinn noticed the girl looking up at her, smile dimpling her face.

"I wanted to tell you some news." She started, but the blonde hushed her.

"Shhh… there will be time for that. Right now, live the moment."

Santana buried her head in her shoulder. This was better than pushing one another against the lockers. By the simplest of gestures, she felt cherished more than ever before. She used to watch people falling in love, sick of their display of feelings. Experiencing it was something completely different. Quinn ignored the ridiculousness of the situation, thinking that perhaps waiting for the prince charming was misguided. Perhaps she already had everything she ever needed. Perhaps good things came without warning.

When the calm mood of the nightclub turned into a hot jazz fever, they left to take a stroll through the Central Park. The night was pretty warm which was a good thing, considering that their dresses and coats did not provide much shelter from the wind. They stuck to the illuminated lanes as Santana was holding tightly her hand, still uneasy about the darkness. Quinn was comforting her through smiles and caresses, which were reciprocated. Having sat down on the fountain's verge, they looked up at the dark sky, breathing deeply the fall air.

"What are your plans now as you've returned?" She asked first, already excited about spilling the secret.

"Well, I'm not going back to job which almost killed me, that's for sure." The Latina chuckled. "This is what I wanted to tell you before. In spring, I checked out some college programs. I haven't told anyone because I was certain that none of it would work out. Still, I decided to give it a try, you know, take a step towards my dream." 

She paused while Quinn was looking at her expectantly.

"I applied for several faculties. And… I got in music department at NYU Steinhardt." Santana declared, cracking a smile.

"Oh my God! San, it's wonderful!" The blonde embraced her in joy.

"I got a letter that I can begin at winter. No scholarship, but I still have some money from my parents and I was offered a loan. You are the first to know."

"I can't express how proud I am. This is such a great kickoff. You will be amazing, you were born to do this." She couldn't help hugging her again.

"Thanks. I must say I'm nervous as hell, though. Time will tell if I'm actually ready for that."

"You are." Quinn kissed her forehead. "Whatever happens, always seek passion in your work. You will be changing your mind countless of times, yet experimenting is good. College is a definite start, you can always switch programs if you decide that something else is worth interest." 

They smiled and the blonde felt that the time was right. 

"Speaking about studies. I have a surprise too. I wanted to wait, but the evening is so perfect that any moment will do." 

Santana narrowed her eyes, paying attention.

"It is something I've had in mind for months. And I finally decided to go with it. Last week I received the confirmation letter. I'm transferring to Columbia University." 

There was a silent moment before the brunette exploded with questions.

"What?! Q, are you outta your mind?! What the fuck!"

Quinn frowned, trying to hide her sadness. "That is not the response I was expecting." 

"You can't do that! Yale is your dream, it is what you wanted, what you deserve. Why would you want to give up what you worked so hard for? Do you have any idea what you're doing?" Santana practically yelled, unable to control herself. Quinn looked away with a sigh.

"At the beginning I really liked it. It was indeed my place, at least I thought so. In the end, all I got was disappointment. I realized one thing… I want to start living. Really living, seizing every day and grow. New Haven did not give me any fulfillment, and Yale is just a college. Fancy one, but still a college. Does it really matter where one studies?" She smiled, clasping her hands.

"I'm not giving up anything. In fact, the program I got in is much more interesting to me than what Yale offered. It's an extended course in the English department and they cooperate with the greatest institutions, providing practices for students and job possibilities immediately after graduating. Right here, in the city of dreams. I've had enough of isolation, stuck-up rich people, and endless reading. I want to make the most of life, I want to learn, I want to be in the swim of things."

"This is… huge. Are you really certain you wanna take the plunge? Tell me that it's your decision alone." Santana inquired, studying her with serious expression.

"Yes. I'm doing this for myself. And the fact that I have people here whom I love, makes it only more appealing." 

They stared at each other for several moments until the brunette sighed loudly.

"Okay." She whispered, holding her close. "I trust you and I want you to be happy."

"Thank you. This is really what I want."

"It's all I wanted to hear. To be honest… it's freaking awesome!" Both of them grinned. "We could rent our own flat, can you imagine it? No more musicals, cramped space, prying eyes. God, I wasn't even dreaming of it and here you are." Santana caressed her face and everything around them faded away.

She leant to kiss her, brushing aside her gold locks. There were no fireworks or stars. It was an earthquake, storm, and tornado. It was a tremor, thunder, and hurricane. The sweet taste of liqueur and the exotic scent of perfume filled her mind, the pleasant sensation tingled in her core. Quinn tightened her grip on the brunette's waist, nerves in her body burning with emotions. Santana placed her free hand on the cold stone, unwillingly pulling back. Her eyes shone with the lanterns' light.

"I got to have you. For the next years." She breathed, smile brightening her face.

"Mhm. You won't get rid of me that easily."

"I wouldn't have it any other way, blondie."

Their lips collided again, passion pouring out of every touch. What was a flickering flame, a fleeting idea, turned into something none of them would have ever predicted. It grew through forgiveness, patience, and understanding. Air was humming with a mystical melody. Everything seemed within reach.

With one last kiss, Santana stood up and extended her hand. There was the same melody in her coal orbs and encouraging smile, she was visibly filled with emotions. Quinn confidently took her hand, faith guiding her heart. The leaves were swishing on the wind.

They headed back to the apartment and the blonde wished she ended like that every day. The flat was empty, which was convenient but suspicious.

"How come we are alone?" Quinn asked, removing her shoes.

"I asked Hummel to give us some space, even for a few hours. Having them here the entire time is exhausting. And now with you, it got a little crowded."

Quinn raised her eyebrow. "What, you want me to leave?" 

Santana walked to her and encircled her waist. "Only if you take me with you." She kissed her neck, sliding a finger down her chest.

"I could really get used to that."

"Careful what you wish for, Q. Remember that we're living together for God knows how long. You may get more than you bargain for." Her voice was low and raspy, setting her body on fire.

"I think that I could handle it." She murmured in reply and their eyes locked. The brunette looked at her with consideration, digging her fingers in soft material.

"You drive me crazy half the time. No, scratch that. All the time. But it's a good kind of crazy, mostly. I thought it would be weird or something, but it's just… easy. We are difficult but this thing is easy."

Easy. Maybe it was the key. To be happy and feel free around each other. To understand yet to challenge. To trust yet to support. Having acknowledged it, Quinn's heart became light and her mind became clear.

"I love you."

It felt good to mean it, but to say it out loud was absolutely marvelous. She did not consider dropping it out of the blue, such thought used to terrify her. However, Santana's reaction was worth it. The tan girl froze, her mouth half-open and eyes astonished. When she stopped processing the information, she smiled.

"I love you, too."

Quinn decided that it was the most perfect statement in the universe. She had felt it and she had heard it, although never like that. She started laughing to herself at how pathetic it all sounded. Her giggles turned to squeal as Santana lifted her up in bridal style and spun around.

"Aaah, what are you doing!"

"Why are you laughing at me, dumbass?"

"I was laughing at myself, put me down!" 

The brunette smiled wider and they fell on her bed.

Lying on her back, Quinn observed while she smoothed her fair locks, desire swirling in her dark eyes. The sole look made her shiver with pleasure which only increased as Santana minimized the distance between them, caressing her lips with her own in the gentlest manner. Instinctively, the blonde wrapped her arms around her neck, pulling her closer. She felt the other girl's sharp intake of breath upon her needy move, and she forcefully deepened the kiss, receiving a faint moan. Santana placed her hand on her hip, evidently sharing her opinion that time of innocent fun had passed. She reached the zip on her back and the Latina detached their lips, feeling the tug at her dress.

"Wait… I wanted to ask…" She paused, out of breath. "Will you be my girlfriend?" 

Quinn bit her lip with a smirk. "Aren't I?"

Santana just grinned back at her, resuming their passion.

________________________________________

Before the start of winter and the colleges, they enjoyed every second of living in New York. It was an endless summer of hanging out, touring, dancing, and smiling. They stopped caring about keeping their feelings a secret, which ended up in Rachel walking in on their drunken make-out session. She was resentful for a week, but eventually got over the fact that no one had informed her about the relationship of her best friends. As the days went by, Bushwick carefreeness was slowly coming to an end. The reality knocked on the doors, forcing them to move on.

The first months were rough. When they finally came down from love high, leaving Rachel and Kurt to move in a small flat in another Brooklyn district, life tested them to the limit. Aside from college, both of them applied for various kinds of jobs only to pay off the rent. Time spent together was shortening and unsteady. They fought, disagreed, and fled. Yet besides sleeping in different rooms, slamming doors, and abrupt hanging up, they were madly in love. Without apologies or explanations, the couple made up with hugs and kisses. Their mutual support and understanding carried them through every obstacle, step by step, when Santana tried to survive in the changeable music industry and Quinn started collaboration with a famous publisher.

As they flourished, so did their love. While both of them pushed aside thoughts of wedding bells, they stood firm in repeating that they were spoken for. Surrounded by people, their eyes locked across the room. And when they moved, they moved like magnets. Sometimes pulling, sometimes repelling, yet always coming back. Their personalities were reflected in their wild relationship. Quinn was the balance and reason, Santana provided spontaneity. It shouldn't have worked, that was the message hiding beneath their friends' comments under their Instagram photos, nonetheless, both of them kept holding onto each other.

The accident remained a reminder to live to the fullest and come together when everything was crumbling down. While they made plans, dreaming of the future full of travels and laughter, one proverb was upholding their hopes. Never say never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially this chapter was meant to be the last one, thus such ending. But there is one more, epilogue.


	12. Thinking Out Loud

________________________________________

_Ten years later…_

Santana abruptly woke up, covered in sweat. Her heart was about to explode and she could hardly catch her breath. She shakily reached for the light switch on the nightstand and the room partially lost its darkness. The familiar sight of bedroom calmed her down a bit as she repeated in her head that she was home and she was safe. She brushed away the hair which stuck to her moist forehead and took a few deep breaths. Beside her, Quinn shifted under the covers.

"San? Is everything alright?" She sleepily got up to study her with concern. "Was it one of your dreams?"

Santana hid face in her hands, sighing with tiredness. "The same. Again."

"Just relax and breathe. Here, have some water." The blonde passed her a glass and began rubbing her back. "I thought that you no longer have them."

"So did I. Apparently, I won't ever get rid of them." She leant back into Quinn's embrace.

Santana got used to waking up in the middle of the night, but with every passing year nightmares seemed to happen less frequently. The last couple of months almost convinced her that it was over. However, it was still there, buried deeply within her.

Dreams, or rather one dream, were always the same. She was surrounded by nothing but the darkness and familiar voices. They echoed around her, mixed together into a noise of incoherent whispers. Whenever she tried to find their source, they diminished, fading into blackness. Santana was drowning with them, always waking up just before she was pulled into nothingness. Over and over again.

"It's gonna be okay. Try to forget about them, hm? Lay down with me."

Santana turned around in Quinn's arms and embraced her waist, bringing their bodies closer.

"Hi." She breathed with a small smile which the blonde returned.

"Hi."

It had been years, but whenever Santana looked into those hazel eyes, she fell in love all over again. Quinn's deep affection was still visible in her features which during time got more mature. But apart from physical differences, nothing had really changed. She had the same look in her eye like ten years ago and the same smile that melt Santana's heart.

"Let's get some sleep. Tomorrow will be tough." Quinn murmured, burying her face in the crook of Santana's neck.

"Ugh, don't even remind me. I love them all, I really do, but being trapped with all girls and the kids in one apartment for several hours – _again_ – starts to exhaust me."

"Huh-uh. This is… what? The ninth baby shower we attend?" Quinn turned her head to give her questioning look. Santana frowned in contemplation.

"If we only count the glee peeps, it's forth. Thank God that Britt didn't make the second one for Claire." She sighed. "Oh, wait! I forgot about Sam and Natalie's. That makes Rachel's the fifth one. And we're not even thirty yet."

"Time goes so fast."

It indeed did. They graduated colleges in a blink of an eye and they had to figure out what to do next. Quinn was already an intern in a publishing house and she got a full-time job without bigger problems. Santana wasn't that lucky; as much as NYU got her a diploma and lots of contacts, she had to start from the bottom.

First two years were the hardest – constant calling, messaging, jumping from one person to another to finally get in touch with one of the music producers in New York. At first she was turned down, but her determination and skill won a couple of important people, letting her to try out in a rather prosperous record label. It wasn't long before it turned out that Santana had a knack for music production and she quickly made a name for herself in local business.

By their twenty-sixth birthdays they had everything repaid and soon after they moved to a simple, but nice apartment in Lower East Side. They easily settled into a 'married couple' routine, although a lot more intense.

"When to think about it all… it's crazy. Imagine telling your 15-year-old self that one day you would be voluntarily going to Berry's baby shower, bearing gifts." Santana joked, making Quinn chuckle. "My teen self would go insane."

"Come on, you love Rachel. She's our only family here, besides Kurt."

"And _that_ is another ridiculous thing. That of all people in our lives, two Broadway queens are the most important ones."

Quinn pouted. "I thought that I'm your most important person."

Santana gave her a mastered 'are-you-fucking-kidding-me' look. " _Puh-lease_ … don't even compare yourself to them. You're totally different league, babe."

The blonde smirked in a mischievous way, shifting closer. "Oh, yeah? And what league is that?"

"It's 'I'm so in love with you that it's not even funny anymore' league." Santana husked before closing the distance between their lips.

Quinn smiled into the kiss, immediately grabbing her dark locks and pulling her face close. She rolled her hips forward and Santana let out a short gasp, giving her an opportunity to plunge her tongue inside her mouth. They moaned faintly at the sensation as their tongues brushed against each other, their hands gripping random parts of their bodies. Santana moved swiftly on top and pressed her body onto Quinn's, sneaking her fingers under her night gown. The blonde hummed with appreciation and tugged at Santana's underwear with a clear intention.

Santana kissed her deeply in response, only to pull back a little. "You know it's three a.m., right?" She panted.

Quinn raised her eyebrow in a typical challenging manner. "So…?"

The brunette searched her eyes for a second. "Good point." Was her only answer as she took off her top.

________________________________________

Although their sleep was shorter than usual, they woke up early enough to fool around a bit more. They prepared breakfast in much better mood, getting ready to start a rough day. Quinn was already dressed up, and the way Santana looked at her proved that she chose a good dress.

Their place was modern and spacious. Besides the common room linked directly to the kitchen, there was also their bedroom, one additional guest room, and two bathrooms – larger one next to the bedroom, and the smaller one nearby the kitchen. Because of Santana's insistence, the apartment was kept in fairly modern style, with Quinn's artistic touch in form of various decorations.

"So, do you know how many people will show up tonight?" The brunette asked, pouring them coffee as Quinn began setting the kitchen table.

Despite the fact that life scattered their high school friends around the country, most of them kept in touch with each other, at least to some extent. The 'New York crew' – which got limited to Quinn, Santana, Kurt, and Rachel – had the strongest relationship, which time didn't manage to break. They remained also on good terms with Brittany, Mercedes, the Changs, and occasionally Sam. Distance didn't allow them to meet often, but the connection lasted.

"Cedes for sure and from what I've heard she's bringing the whole family."

"Oh, I haven't seen her girls in ages. But why is Javier coming though? He will be bored to death." Santana pointed out and sat across from her. "Perhaps I should sneak out with him when I'll have enough." Her lips curled into a grin. Quinn sent her an icy glare, showing how she exactly felt about that idea.

Javier was a hot Spaniard that Mercedes met during one of her early tours. They got on with each other right away and he happened to be one of the best things in singer's life. Santana loved his temperament and sense of humor; he was definitely her favorite 'husband' of their circle of friends. The man must have felt the same about Santana, since they both took certain amount of pleasure in annoying people with their long conversations in Spanish.

"Anyway, I have no idea about others. Perhaps Tina and Mike will take a break from Boston and stop by." Quinn shrugged while she dug into the scrambled eggs and obligatory portion of bacon. "I don't know whom to expect. Knowing Rachel, she probably invited everyone from our old group."

Santana's eyes widened in fear. "I hope not! Imagine that amount of people and kids in Rachel's not-so-big common room... Besides, Tony would not allow that, you know how he feels about socializing."

"Yes, but Tony is so whipped that he'll do anything for Rach. So I wouldn't count much on his objection if she decided to throw a huge party."

The brunette sighed softly. "I hate it when you're right."

Quinn smirked at her with amusement. "Haven't you learnt by now? I'm _always_ right."

"Now now, let's keep it real, querida." Santana sent her a wide smile, very aware of the fact that Spanish talk was the blonde's weakness.

"That was a low blow, S. If I had time…" She trailed off, taking a sip of her coffee.

"You… what?" Her alto voice carried a demanding tone.

Quinn put down the cup and slowly leant across the table with her perfectly stoic, yet seductive, look. 

"I'd fuck you so hard against that counter that you'd walk funny for days."

Santana drew in a sharp breath, feeling pleasant tingles all over her body at the thought. After all this time – and who knew how many sex sessions – Quinn still had a strong effect on her. She could turn her on at the push of a button.

"In that case… screw work." She swiftly stood up and pulled the blonde out of the chair to crash her lips against hers.

Quinn's muffled giggle reached her ears. "Mmm… As much as I'd love to proceed with this, I have to go."

"But it's still early…" Santana whined in a childlike manner. "We could have easily a couple of rounds." She gently caressed her hands with a twinkle in her dark eyes.

"I know, but since the boss gave me a free afternoon, I promised that I'd arrive earlier than usually." Quinn explained, staring at her sullen expression.

Santana didn't change much over the years. Her face lost a bit of its childish shape, but her hips got curvier, which both of them really liked. Her hair was another small difference. Around college Santana had decided to grow it, allowing her black locks to reach her waist. Playing with them was one of the blonde's favorite activities.

"By the way," Quinn continued, "you're going to be late as well." She pointed at the wall clock.

Her girlfriend snorted. "Who cares? I'm the most hard-working person there, they should give me some break. Or promotion."

"I'm sure you'll get it soon." She squeezed her hands. "I'm so proud of you, you know?"

Shy smile brightened Santana's face. "Not as much as I am of you, chief editor."

"I've gotta go now." Quinn pecked her lips and went to get her coat and purse. "Don't forget to pick up the flowers on your way back!" She shouted over her shoulder.

"Yes, mom." Santana replied in a mocking voice, cleaning up the table.

"Ah, I forgot to ask – Brittany is coming, isn't she? I thought that maybe we should give them a lift or something."

"I talked with her several days ago and she said that she'd only bring Joey with her so we shouldn't trouble."

"Why is that?" Quinn asked, adjusting her scarf in the mirror.

"George stayed at home with Claire, she's too little to travel across the entire country. That'd be tiring for everyone."

"Right. I keep mixing who is what age." She grabbed the door handle and turned around to give Santana the last look. "See you after work. Don't stay late, we have to be at five at Rachel's. Love you."

"Love you more."

Quinn smiled, leaving the brunette on her own.

Santana sighed audibly, her own face split into a lip-closed grin. She knew she was completely whipped, but she couldn't help it. Her feelings for Quinn eclipsed everything else. Her every negative thought, her sharp tongue, her temperament. The blonde tamed Snix within months, or perhaps it was their mutual love that made Santana a better person. Either way, Quinn turned out to be a perfect match for her and she would be eternally grateful for that one failed wedding that brought them close.

Sure, they had their bad moments – some worse than the others – but ultimately they always returned to each other and moved on. After some time, they even learnt to apologize and have serious conversations instead of cat fights.

She snapped out of her contemplation and gathered the necessary things, having noticed what time it was. Thankfully, they didn't live far away from her recording studio so she didn't have to hurry much.

Santana exited the gloomy subway to step out into the sunlight. She took in the crowded streets, busy people, and traffic noise with the most pleased look. New York became integral part of her; she never got tired of that city. There was something about it that filled her with energy and confidence. And to think that once she considered staying in Louisville.

She quickly crossed the street to enter the building and get to the ninth floor. Her coworkers were moving between the cozy rooms, engrossed in conversations, and the band was already practicing for the session. Santana dropped her things on the couch and clapped loudly to get their attention.

"Okay guys, break time has finished, let's get down to it! Yesterday was one big mistake, you better show me something good today."

________________________________________

The subway was not the best place for cocktail dresses, bouquets of flowers, and bags with gifts, so they decided to take a taxi to Rachel and Tony's place nearby the Broadway itself.

Rachel's career was full of ups and downs, yet her dedication to pursue the musical fame got her to the top. After years of working like a dog, her name finally shone brightly on the billboards and she secured her status of a Broadway star. Although Quinn and Santana both had enough of her gloating, they were deeply proud of her well-deserved success, which resulted in a great apartment, circle of famous friends, and free tickets to every spectacle in Theater District.

Within twenty minutes, the car stopped in front of the tall apartment building. Santana paid the driver and helped Quinn with all bags as they got out. The elegant doorman assisted them in opening the doors and offered further service with a gentle smile.

"Would you want me to get a porter for you ladies?"

"No, thank you. We'll manage somehow."

Another man called the elevator for them and waved, wishing them a nice afternoon. Santana shook her head.

"Why can't we live in such place?" She asked with resentment.

Quinn just rolled her eyes. "Don't grumble, our apartment is great."

The elevator stopped with a ding and they walked down the narrow corridor. When they reached the door to Rachel's already loud apartment, Santana nudged softly Quinn's arm.

"You ready? We don't have to stay long. Just say a word and we're gone." She spoke only to break into cheeky grin. "I'd have nothing against if we left right now."

Quinn gave her a sad smile. "I'm okay. Let's get it over with."

The brunette nodded and pressed the doorbell. The noise behind the door seemed to increase, laughter mixed with a range of differently pitched voices. Not more than a couple of seconds passed when they came face to face with one good-looking Kurt Hummel.

"And here they are! The hottest couple of New York. Ladies… you look fabulous, as always."

Santana showed off her teeth. "You haven't seen anything yet, fairy queen." She burst in, not waiting for an invitation.

"Hi Kurt, good to see you." Quinn greeted him, examining his appearance. "You look great as well."

Time was certainly on his side. Apart from nose, practically nothing remained of his baby face. His perfect jaw and straight eyebrows turned heads wherever he went; his change of wardrobe was an additional asset. Kurt abandoned colorful, conspicuous clothes for elegant suits, formal shirts, simple ties, and derby shoes. Overall effect? Impression of a Hugo Boss model.

"Here, let me help you with those things. You get undressed." He took their bags and placed them on the dresser.

"Where is miss preggers, did she make you her assistant again?" Santana asked, hanging her jacket in the hall wardrobe. "I can't believe that you still let her boss you around."

Kurt glowered at her. "Hey! Rachel is currently entertaining guests, or rather, they're entertaining her. Anyway, you're late to the party! Everyone's already here."

Santana frowned. "Yeah, we kinda got that. You know that you can hear practically everything on the corridor?"

They grabbed all gifts and entered the common room which was the source of commotion. Immediately three pairs of eyes settled on them and squeals of joy filled the air. Kurt let out a deep sigh and focused on taking care of the flowers.

"You're here! Agh, I'm so happy to see you two!" Rachel exclaimed from the couch, motioning them to come closer and hug her.

"Look at you, soon you won't be able to go through the door." Santana grinned lightheartedly. Quinn and Rachel rolled their eyes.

"Don't mind her Rach, you look beautiful." The blonde confessed, wrapping her arms gently around her.

Rachel happened to be one of those women who 'glowed' during pregnancy. Happiness was radiating from her and for unknown reasons she looked better than ever. Healthier. Her short curls glossed faintly, her skin was smooth, her eyes shone with life. She was a sight.

"Yes, she does." Tony appeared by his girlfriend's side and kissed her cheek. "Feel free to be jealous, ladies."

"Not gonna happen in this lifetime." Santana murmured under her breath, earning a nudge from Quinn.

Mercedes stood up with her arms outstretched. "Okay, enough of this sweetening! I wanna hug my girls, it's been months!"

They embraced each other with wide smiles, complementing by the way choice of clothes. In comparison to Quinn's and Santana's dresses, Mercedes had chosen more spontaneous outfit – black pencil skirt, stylish shirt, and matching leather jacket.

"Hey, what about us, huh?" 

Familiar voice reached their ears and they exchanged hugs with Tina and Brittany who just left the kitchen.

"You made it, awesome!"

Everybody sat comfortably around the coffee table. They were engaged in small talk for a couple of minutes until Tony served everyone appetizers, drinks, and snacks.  
Although he wasn't as social as Rachel, Tony was an extremely polite and nice person. It was almost impossible to dislike him. There was something honest about his appearance – delicate features, prominent cheekbones, bright eyes, and auburn hair that was always falling forward. His tall, skinny posture made him look even younger.

"Alright, I hope it will be enough." He said, looking around the room. "I'll be going now, Javier and Mike are probably waiting for me."

"Come on, stay a little longer! You haven't talked about your recent work at all. How's theater?"

A small grin touched his lips. "Theater is fine."

Rachel snorted at his answer. "Better than fine. He's just got a supporting role in the newest play in Imperial's." She flashed him a wide smile.

Tony got persuaded to talk a bit about his job and then he left, but not before making sure that Rachel had everything she needed.

" _Aawww_ , he's such a sweetheart." Tina stated, after the door closed.

Santana nodded her head. "You don't hear me often saying that, but… you finally got it right, Berry."

"Hey," Mercedes cut in, "you guys been together for like… what? Four years? And know each other for seven. Now you gonna have a baby, which was – as you said – your conscious decision. Don't you think it's time to put a ring on it?"

The room suddenly got quieter. Rachel's face slightly fell.

"I don't know… we don't wanna rush anything. Honestly, we don't even think about it. It's not that important anyway, right?" She put on a fake smile.

People silently exchanged glances. Everyone knew that it was a very sensitive topic because of her first engagement. Rachel didn't admit it, but she never completely recovered after Finn's death. Her eyes still lose their sparkle every time someone mentioned her first love.

"Marriage is overrated." Kurt abruptly declared. "Been there, done that. Wouldn't recommend."

His marriage to Blaine didn't last two years. Both of them refused to speak about what exactly had happened, blaming it on classic unhappiness. After their divorce, Blaine abandoned musical stage and went to Chicago, where he stayed to live with his new partner and a son.

"So…" Santana cleared her throat, "where are the kids?" She sneaked an arm around Quinn's waist and the blonde sent her affectionate smile.

Mercedes signaled her to be quiet. "Shh! Don't wake the dragons. They're playing in the other room."

Suddenly, the boy's upset cries reached their ears and soon after Joey ran into the room, tears rolling down his plump face.

"And here we go." Kurt muttered softly.

"M-mmoooomm-yyy!" He stuttered whiningly and fell into Brittany's open arms with loud sobs.

She reached for tissues to wipe his cheeks. "What is it J, what happened?"

"I… I step-ped on the c-car… and broke it…" The boy cried, unable to calm down.

"That's okay sweetie, we'll buy you a new one."

He shook his head. "B-but it was K-kevin's!"

"It's alright. Don't worry Joey, I'm sure he's not mad." Tina ruffled his curly hair and he shook his head once more.

"He-e is!"

"Oh, Gosh. Kev, come here for a second!" The woman called her son who calmly walked in.

Kevin was the oldest from all the kids. Somehow life found a way to bring Tina and Mike together during their college years, which resulted in their early marriage, apartment in Boston, and unplanned pregnancy. Despite the fact that baby complicated many of their plans and Tina suffered from postpartum depression, both of them came to love their 'accidental' child and proved to be good parents.

"Yes?" His smart dark eyes were moving between people with interest.

"You're not angry that Joey broke your toy, are you?"

He shook his head in denial. "Nope. I got more of them at home."

"You see?" Brittany turned to her son, "Kevin's not angry. You can stop crying." She glanced at Tina and mouthed an apology.

Joey sniffled a couple of times and looked at the raven-haired boy who smiled briefly.

"Now, say hi to Quinn and Santana."

He brightened in a flash, hearing their names. Huge grin lit up his face and he looked around to finally notice them sitting across from him.

"Auntie Tana! Auntie Q!" He screamed with joy and embraced them both with all of his strength.

"Hey there, buddy. Long time no see!" Santana tickled him as he sat down on her lap. "You got kinda heavy, didn't you?"

Quinn patted his leg. "You're almost a man."

Joey looked up at her and the blonde almost winced. His angelic baby face, big brown eyes, blond curls, and adorable smile were too much familiar. Painfully familiar.

"Why don't you go play with Kevin for a while?" Santana asked, glancing between him and Quinn. "We'll talk later."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

He smiled at them brightly before sliding down from Santana's legs and skipping to the other room, Kevin hot on his heels.

They started to chat among themselves, catching up on their lives. Kurt talked vividly about his job which included not only musicals, but also normal plays – he had met Tony through theater after all. Mercedes summed up her slow work on another album, Tina spoke about the promotion in the architecture company, Brittany confirmed taking over the dance studio, and Rachel revealed her post-pregnancy plans.

One hour passed on presenting the gifts and exchanging ideas for the infant room. From time to time boys messed around, their laughter filling the entire apartment. Mercedes showed off her little twin girls, looking cute in colorful dresses and braided hair. Rachel's apartment turned into a family playground.

Santana took Quinn's hand and gently kissed her knuckles, trying to ease her mind. The brunette had her nightmares and fear of darkness, but Quinn's demons were much more subtle. It was the sight of a child snuggling up to their mother that broke her heart. Santana had witnessed too many times the blonde crying over Beth's photos and too many times she had silently held her in arms for hours. Even though Quinn was smiling around children, her eyes were full of pain. As they watched their friends' carefree moments, Santana could almost feel her girlfriend falling apart on the inside.

"You wanna go home?" She whispered, receiving a nod from her.

Having arranged another girls meeting, they said goodbyes to everyone and decided to take a short walk. New York evening pulsated with life as they strolled down the illuminated street, taking in urban, but beautiful scenery. Santana glanced at Quinn's wistful expression, and hooked arms with her, pulling her close.

After ten-minute subway drive they entered their apartment and sighed with relief at the familiar sight. They hadn't lived there for long, but it already felt like home. The brunette encircled Quinn's waist to kiss her tenderly.

"I'm gonna prepare a bath for us, okay? We could use some drinks to that." She winked at her before disappearing in the bathroom.

There was probably no other thing in the apartment that Santana loved more than the huge bathtub. And nothing was better than relaxing in hot water with her hot girlfriend. The sole idea brought a smile on her face as she poured the bubbly bath under the running water, watching the foam appearing on its surface.

Quinn brought wine and they wordlessly slipped out of their dresses to lie down. Despite the fact that Santana had smaller frame than Quinn, she usually ended up spooning her girlfriend, which she deep down enjoyed. When she settled against the tub, Quinn instinctively leant into her embrace, seeking the contact. They were quiet for minutes, listening to their steady breaths and sipping the wine.

"I'm so worn out… and my back hurts." The blonde murmured after a while, her eyes heavy.

Santana told her to move a bit forward and she began massaging her sore muscles, planting every now and then small kisses down her neck and shoulders. Satisfied sighs escaped Quinn's lips.

"You're awfully good at this."

She chortled in response. "You know what these hands can do."

"Luckily, yes."

"Q? I was thinking…" Santana began, rubbing absentmindedly her arms.

Quinn couldn't contain sudden smirk. "Well, that's something new." She didn't need to turn around to know she was scowling.

"Shut up, Fabray. I'm trying to tell you something."

"Sorry. What did you want to say?"

"In a couple of days I'll have some time off. Whaddya say we go for a little vacation?" She asked in a hopeful tone, placing her chin on Quinn's shoulder.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Miami. Just you and me, wide beach, clear sky…" Santana smiled to herself, her mind already in Florida.

The blonde tilted her head to meet her eyes. "That actually sounds great. We haven't been anywhere for months, we could use a break. I will have to check whether they would give me a week off, but there should be no problems."

"So, it's settled then." 

She leant forward to kiss her, at first innocently. In no time their lips moved against each other with passion, and Santana's fingers slid down her wet body in sensual exploration.

"You know what I'm thinking about, babe?"

Quinn mildly nibbled at her bottom lip. "That it's been some time since we did it here?"

"Precisely."

________________________________________

Miami was exactly what they needed. The city welcomed them with summer mood – full sun and hot wind. Santana wasn't able to sit still throughout the entire way from the airport to the block of apartments. They sat in the back of a taxi, watching tall buildings, green palms, and diverse people. As they were driving away from the big city, the landscape was changing. Skyscrapers turned into housing estates, hotels, apartments. Wide streets weren't as much crowded; it created a certain feeling of solitude.

The place they had rented was located practically by the beach, in the suburban area. It was one of many standard apartment buildings, with a parking lot and small lobby. The porter showed them around before finally guiding them to their apartment and leaving without asking for a tip.

"It looks better than I expected. I like it." Quinn commented, looking around the place.

Santana dropped the luggage to check out every room and let out a faint whistle at the sight of the bedroom. 

"Hey Q, you gotta see this."

The blonde entered to see her pointing at the huge queen-size bed by the wall.

"I have a feeling we won't go much outside." She gave her a sexy smirk, and Quinn rolled her eyes.

They unpacked, took showers, and familiarized with the kitchenette. The main room had a balcony with a view on the turquoise ocean and they leant against the railing to look down at the fairly unoccupied beach, sea breeze caressing their skin.

"Can you imagine living here?" Quinn murmured, completely mesmerized by the scenery.

Santana averted her eyes to look at her as she put her arms around her neck. "Actually… I can." She said, drawing her attention. "When we will be old, rich ass bitches and bored with city life, we could buy here a nice little house or something."

"And spend our last years relaxing under the palm trees?" Quinn asked, smiling at her.

"Uh-huh. Tell me that's not a brilliant idea. Or at least we could come here for winter."

"We will see. That's some faraway future."

Santana rested her forehead against hers. "Well, I love making life plans with you."

None of them noticed when exactly it happened, but it had been years of 'we' instead of 'me' and 'you' instead of 'I'. It had been years of looking in the same direction, facing the world hand in hand.

"I love carrying them out." Quinn answered before connecting their lips.

It was yet afternoon, so they decided to spend the remaining hours on dinner and shopping. Evening brought a perfect weather for taking a walk on the nearby promenade, getting to know the surroundings. Although they were tired after the first busy day, half of the night passed on what Santana called 'testing the bed'.

Since it was off season, there were hardly any people in the building, as well as on the beach. They undressed to their swimsuits and lay down on the towels, not feeling like doing anything. The warmth of the sun and peaceful sounds were lulling them to sleep. Santana touched the sand, enjoying the feeling of microscopic rocks under her fingertips. She zoned out, completely lost in the moment. Quinn rolled over to face her, studying her calm features. It was a rare sight to see her so relaxed and carefree.

"You're staring." Santana whispered, gradual smile appearing on her lips.

"I'm admiring."

She groaned, hiding her face in her arms. "You smooth fucker, you'll be the death of me."

Quinn's grin widened and she moved closer to slide her fingers along her ribcage. "I don't know what you mean."

"You wore me out last night. Haven't you had enough?"

Slight blush colored her cheeks at the memory. Santana chuckled and took off her sunglasses to meet her gaze. Quinn's intensely green irises expressed joy and everything about her was breathtaking. They focused on that brief moment in paradise, trying to remember as much as possible. Sight. Sound. Feeling. The brunette entwined their hands and Quinn rested her head on her arm with a soft sigh.

"Do you ever think about it?" She asked, staring at the horizon.

"About what?"

"All of it. Us."

Santana's cheek brushed against her golden hair. "I think about us all the time."

Quinn lifted their linked hands in the air, examining their skin tones. So different, yet so beautiful together. 

"We've been through a lot, haven't we?"

"I like to think that this is just the beginning of our journey."

She smiled in reply. "I like that as well."

Santana reached for her phone and took a photo of them. She uploaded it, giggling to herself as if it was an inside joke.

"Andy will be so pissed. He's been dying to go somewhere for months."

"We could have taken him with us." Quinn stated in a deep thought, staring at the cloudless sky above them.

Horror flashed across the brunette's face. "Are you crazy?! No way in hell!"

Quinn didn't hold back a smirk. "Kidding."

"Not funny." Santana replied grimly. "I want him nowhere near you. I swear, he's got some stupid weird crush on you, Q. I bet my ass off that if he was older, he would ask you out. Jerk."

The blonde laughed. "We're just good friends. He's like a little brother to me."

"Yeah? Well, you can have him then, for free." Her scowl turned into thoughtful look. "On the other hand… better not."

Quinn laughed again and cupped her cheeks to stroke them tenderly. "The only Lopez I want is you."

Santana's featured softened as she gazed back at her. "You have me. You will always have me."

They allowed themselves to steal a couple of slow kisses, oblivious to the world around them.

________________________________________

A week was certainly not enough for them to fully enjoy the Florida experience. But duties were calling and they couldn't hide away forever, as much as they wanted to. Santana was grumpy throughout the entire way back to New York, not ready to return to reality. Quinn, on the other hand, was somewhat pleased with their short but wonderful holidays. They were both charged with new energy, yet they wished they could have more breaks like that. Moments filled with nothing but love.

They had to fall back into the old routine of work and constant lack of time. Job, apartment, family, friends. Sometimes they passed by each other in the door. Quinn often brought her work home, spending hours in front of the computer screen. The only days when they could catch some breath were the weekends that they usually spent at home.  
After cleaning up the place a bit and doing laundry – something that Santana learnt after years of living together – they relaxed in the common room. The brunette turned the TV on and began checking the mail which mostly consisted of bills.

"We should get married." She suddenly blurted out in a serious voice.

Quinn looked up from the magazine, her eyebrows disappearing in strands of hair. "Is this how you propose?" She asked almost accusingly.

"It's just a thought." Santana shrugged to herself. "We've been and lived together for years and it looks like it's not going to change. So why not? It would certainly help with all financial and bureaucratic stuff."

Quinn returned to reading. "Yeah… it would." She muttered, her eyes suddenly spiritless.

It hit Santana hard. During their years spent together, they had never truly discussed the wedding matter. She hadn't given it much thought, and Quinn hadn't sent her any signals. Honestly, the brunette had completely overlooked that idea – despite her mother's constant complains – but apparently her long-time girlfriend hadn't.

Santana instantly regretted her stupid mouth, staring at Quinn's bitter expression. She knew that the blonde was a huge romantic at heart, and it was not a proper way to propose or even suggest such important decision as marriage. Fortunately, she had planned something for Quinn that should hopefully make up for her insensitivity.

She knew Quinn's weakness. That one thing she had never let go of. Although they kept in touch with Shelby on regular basis, they hadn't seen Beth since high school. Quinn decided that she wasn't going to interfere with her daughter's life until she was of legal age. The stories and photos were all she had. Santana watched her struggle for years and she finally came to conclusion that Quinn was ready to move on. For her own sake.

A couple of days later she prepared them dinner and sighed deeply before looking at her girlfriend.

"We're going to see Beth this week." She declared in a clear voice, preparing for the inevitable outburst.

Quinn froze, her eyes unreadable. "What?" It didn't sound like a question.

"I contacted Shelby some time ago and she agreed that we see her. They'll be staying a few days in New York so it's a perfect opportunity."

The blonde's cool expression changed in a blink of an eye. "And you made this decision for me?!" She seethed. "Just like that you made plans concerning MY daughter behind my back?!"

Santana remained unaffected. "Quinn, please. I'm really worried about you. After all this time you're still completely heartbroken over her."

"You have no idea what it's like and how I feel!" She abruptly stood up and stormed off, the brunette right behind her.

"You're right, I don't. That doesn't change the fact that it's killing me seeing you like that! Hurting."

"For your information, it's not something that you can just get over with!" Quinn yelled, turning around to face her.

"Yes, but it's been so long and you're not even trying! You're stuck in the past, allowing it to control you." She replied, lowering her voice. "You'll never be alright if you keep looking back."

Quinn pursed her lips, her eyes dangerously dark and glistening with unshed tears. "I'm not going to forget her just because it's convenient."

"It's not about forgetting. It's about getting a little bit of peace." Santana carefully came closer. "You deserve it. You've done everything you could and you've done it right, you need to stop punishing yourself. Just… let it go, Quinn."

"I don't know how!" The blonde cried out in misery. In that moment she broke down, tears streaming down her face. "I don't know how…"

Santana took her in arms, holding as close as possible. Quinn's breath was coming in short gasps as she sobbed into her neck, giving in to all feelings that she had been gathering inside her.

"That's why we're going to see her. So you could move on, knowing she's safe and happy." The brunette whispered, rubbing her back in comforting gesture.

Quinn shook her head. "I'm not ready." Her voice sounded frail.

"You are. And from what I've heard, so is she."

The next several days passed in a blur. Both of them were a little off – Santana was nervous yet hopeful, and Quinn had mood swings. She was distressed, angry, afraid, and excited at the same time. Most of the time she suffered in silence, until the awaited day came. Then she began freaking out.

"What if she doesn't know about anything?"

Santana took a deep breath. "You know she does. Shelby told her everything a few years ago and she took it well."

"What if she doesn't want to see me?"

"Then we wouldn't be on our way right now."

Quinn lowered her eyes. "What if she hates me?"

"She doesn't." Santana reached for her hand. "Look, it's gonna be alright. I'm sure she's a wonderful kid. I'll be right beside you the whole time, okay?"

"You will?" She asked quietly, still visibly anxious.

"As long as you want me to."

The taxi took them to a typical residential building and they easily found the apartment Shelby was renting. Quinn let out a shaky breath and Santana kissed her as sweetly as she could to calm her down. The doorbell rang and the door opened within seconds.

"Santana, Quinn. Welcome." The woman smiled at them warmly as they said their greetings.

"Wow, do you even age?" Santana joked, admiring her good appearance. She looked as if she didn't change at all.

"Unfortunately, yes. But your compliment is noted. So… do you want something to drink?"

They casually chatted for a minute and Quinn pretended she wasn't nervous. Shelby showed them the small apartment, where she always stayed whenever she visited New York. When they reached the last room, she hesitated for a moment before opening the door.

"Beth? Our guests are here. Can we come in?"

"Yes." A soprano voice resounded and both of them widened their eyes at its familiarity.

Shelby gave them a cheering look and they entered the colorful room. Their eyes instantly fell on a teenager sitting on the bed. The girl put away the book she was reading and looked at them curiously. Quinn's heart skipped a beat.

Although they had seen her photos, they didn't do her justice. Beth looked like Quinn and at the same time she didn't. Her hair curled like Quinn's, but it wasn't as blonde. Her eyes were beautiful, but the shade was different. She didn't have her nose or cheeks either, yet the similarity was evident.

"Hello." She said, her voice somewhat timid.

The brunette was the first to react. "Hi there. I'm Santana and this is Quinn. Nice to finally meet you." She came closer to shake her hand.

Quinn did the same, trying to control her breathing. "Hi."

Beth seemed to relax hearing her voice as she smiled. "I know you both. I've seen photos."

"We've seen yours as well. You get prettier with every year."

"Alright then." Shelby clasped her hands. "If you need anything, let me know. I'll be in the common room." With that, she left.

They eyed each other, expecting awkward silence, but Beth pointed at the couch, encouraging them to sit down.

"Do you live here, in New York?"

"Yes." Quinn answered. "It's been over ten years now."

"That's cool. I like this city, it's so different from the others." She smiled and Santana nodded approvingly. "Mom showed me some photos. You went to high school together in… Ohio, right? You must have known each other for very long."

The women exchanged amused glances. "That's true, we go way back."

Beth looked between them, insatiability swirling in her eyes. "Are you together?" Surprise flashed across their faces at her unexpected question. "Sorry, that was rude. Mom always says that I'm too nosy."

Quinn smiled in awe. "It's okay. We're, actually, since I moved to New York." She entwined her fingers with Santana's. "Your mother didn't tell you?"

"No, she said only the basic things. She wanted me to learn everything on my own instead of hearing stuff from other people." They were pleasantly amazed by that news. Shelby handled the situation extremely well. "You look like you are together. You make a cute couple."

"Thank you."

Beth asked a couple more general questions, very politely. They spoke with her for some time until Santana stood up and excused herself.

"Okay, I could use something to drink. I'll let you two talk, I bet you have much to discuss." She squeezed Quinn's hand and joined Shelby in watching a sitcom.

There was no negativity. Quinn enjoyed Beth's bold interrogation and witty talkativeness. She was nothing like Lucy. As much as she liked books, she enjoyed sports as well, not to mention other social activities. They shared stories, plans, and hobbies, gradually getting to know each other. The topics varied from school to family and hometown. Both of them relaxed enough to joke, anxiety left behind. It was one of the best spent hours that Quinn ever had. Beth was everything she had hoped for, and much more. And it was only a glimpse of her character.

Santana grinned broadly, seeing them exit the room in good mood. Shelby offered them dinner and they weren't able to refuse, noticing the girl's expectant look.

"Will you visit us again? Soon?" She asked, as they were leaving.

Quinn's heart melted, if it hadn't already. "I'd like that."

Their way back was entirely different. The blonde was quiet, still under the spell of the meeting. Santana took it as a good sign.

Not more than a week passed, when she was proved right. It was night and they lay in each other's arms, resting after a heated love-making session. They never slept right away, but just took pleasure in a simple form of intimacy, listening to nothing more than own heartbeats. Santana kept her eyes closed as Quinn caressed her scar, running smoothly her fingers over the skin.

"San?"

"Yes, love?"

"I want to have a baby." She suddenly whispered.

Santana was silent for a moment. "Okay." Was her only answer.

Ultimately, one summer night – on their anniversary – Santana proposed to Quinn on the Bow Bridge. The blonde didn't even let her finish all cheesy talk when she yelled a very definite 'yes', since she had been waiting for that perfect moment way too long.

Only a couple of weeks later they got married in a small chapel outside New York, surrounded by family and the closest friends. It was a very private ceremony with a simple but elegant reception, just like they wanted. The celebration lasted the entire night, consisting of dancing and, to their embarrassment, singing. Still surprised by such outcome, their friends exchanged teasing stories about their relationship, while their families made sentimental discussions. It was mostly Santana's family, because Quinn invited only her mother and her sister, with whom she was trying to rebuild the broken relations.

Soon after their four-week honeymoon spent partially on the Bahamas and partially around Europe, the topic of kids came up. They were arguing for weeks about all options and in the end Santana consented to carry their first child for two reasons – since she became practically her own boss, she wouldn't have to worry about potential problems at work; she wasn't certain how Quinn felt about going through pregnancy again.

They finally slowed down to enjoy their life and focus on their growing family. Beth remained in regular contact with them, which brought Quinn much happiness instead of pain. She smiled more often and in her peace Santana found hers.

Nightmares didn't return.


End file.
